I have no self-worth and I'm scared of losing new friends. Can I say something to them, or would that make things weird?

[Anonymous]

I was abused pretty bad as a kid and I spent all of my 20s burying my head in the sand so I'd never have to unravel that trauma. I'm successful, but pitifully insecure. I basically have no friends or social life at all because I have a really hard time being vulnerable or opening up.

At the end of last year, I wanted to try socializing more, and introduced myself to a fan community of one of my favorite hobbies, and met a small group made up of about 5 people.

They're each so cool and funny, and I really want to make this friend group work, but I'm extremely awkward. They're very congenial and patient and friendly, but I can't help but feel like they all have a strong rapport, and then I'm just kinda there. I mumble, stammer, trip over myself, overthink, get nervous, worry about everything, my sense of humor tends to be very self deprecating - you get the idea.

I think they want to get to know me better- like they'd reach out to start conversations with me- and then I would fumble it, and the conversation would die off after a short while. If I could just be the confident person they all expect me to be, then everything would fall into place, but it's not like I can just flip a switch and just be a different person. This is who I am, and my self-hate is, unfortunately, deep seated.

I'm afraid my awkwardness calcifies people's impressions of me over time, and then people just lose patience with me and move on. That's what's happened in the past, and I don't want that to happen again.

It would put my mind at ease to say something to them, but I just don't want to put them in a weird spot. I was thinking of saying something like this, what do you think?

"Hey, this is kinda random, but I just wanted to say I know how awkward I tend to come off as, and while I'm trying to work through that now, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate how patient and friendly you've always been. It means a lot, and I hope someday we can grow closer as friends."

[SteveSmith1985]

I think that it's great that you're trying to open up to these new friends. I do think that it's good that you're explicitly saying something to them.

As you say, they seem to be making an effort to pull you out of your shell and get to know you better.

I can tell you as somebody who isn't especially awkward, that they probably don't realize that you enjoy their company and friendship as much as you do. Its good that you're saying this.

What you wrote is great. You can definitely say that.

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[SteveSmith1985]

Good luck man!

[NathanDavis]

therapy

[Asker]

Already started earlier this year, thanks!

[NathanDavis]

best of luck with it...