What to do when you realise that you don't have friends?

[Anonymous]

I've always been the quiet one.
I'm quieter than a lot of classmates by nature and that's okay cuz that's me after all.
...
Or at least that's what I like to tell myself...

When I moved, the things just got worse, I just couldn't socialise.
I've been lying to myself till now as if everything's okay, but even teachers say for me to socialise more with my classmates.

The only friend I had is far away from me and we're just drifting away more and more..
I'm used to sit alone there and stay like that, just studying or on my phone.
I literally have no friends there.
Guess that's cuz I don't have charisma.

Sometimes I receive some random messages but it's always someone trying to hit me up or asking for pics...
Never genuine.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sometimes I even try to be more open and talk to them but I'm not really their 'mate', so of course they wouldn't want to keep talking to me. I'm not even funny so that's not fun.

My parents and teacher say to me to build up more confidence and try socialising more but it's easier said than done.

I'm too used by being on my own, I don't even know anymore how to strike a conversation.
I'm an only child, so that just adds up for the list cuz I've always been around adults and older people than me...

I'm a little concerned about how will I continue from now on with my studies and future career if my social skills are this poor. They say it's important to network, tho I'm just a lost case.

I'm starting not to care anymore, comforming myself that I'm like this and that's it.

I just can't even find the will nor energy to try to change it. I know that's not right but can't help it.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you very much for all your opinions!
I truly appreciate that! ^^

[caring__1]

The question is whether you're the one feeling the discomfort with not having friends or whether others are convincing you this is dysfunctional. Extroverts are often very quick to be critical of introverts, assuming everyone should be just like them.

If you feel this pattern will hold you back or limit your future opportunities, then it is something you want to address. Many people who "network" come across as doing it for self-gain, and that isn't conducive to anything more than superficial friendships. You may find it more effective to nurture contacts rather than just network. You can job shadow people who are doing what you'd like to do. Show them you appreciate their experience and knowledge. Seek out their opinion and show appreciation for their insight. Also, share what you're doing to apply what you are learning from them. This can be helpful to open doors in your future.

Here's an example of this. When my son was accepted for college, he was told he could get a $1000/year alumni scholarship by having an alumnus sign a form. We searched and found an alumnus who invited my son to come in for a tour of their facility. My son was reluctant at first, as he was afraid he wouldn't know what to say. Together, we made a list of questions that would give him greater insight into what he hoped to do in his future. The tour and exploration process went well. As a freshman, he reached out to this individual to get a different perspective on a challenge he faced with a project he was working on. The alumnus checked in with other engineers in his company, but no one had a solution. The challenge impressed him, though, so he offered my son a job. My son took the job and it opened him up to more opportunities. At 31, he is still at the same company, holding down a position of significant responsibility and very successful and appreciated for what he does. Understand that my actions and the actions of the alumnus merely opened doors. It was my son's choices and abilities that have taken him where he is today.

As an introvert, you'll probably feel more comfortable and have more success if you take on a position of responsibility in organizations you join... rather than just attempt to socialize with the group. Let people see you in action, and that will draw them to you. It's never about quantity of friends but quality of friends. Be the friend you are seeking. It's not about forcing yourself to do uncomfortable things; it's about opening yourself up to experience opportunities that fit you.

[JBlade]

I get where you are coming from but you don't have to do anything. I personally don't want friends because I don't value friendship. I may be alone for the rest of my life, I've accepted this and live life accordingly. If you've accepted it and are fine with it (seeing as you don't have the energy/will), you don't need to do anything. If you want to make friends, it's just a numbers game just like many other things in life. You could try finding friends with similar hobbies or try online friends since there is less obligation.

[Asker]

@jblade Thanks for that, everyone keeps telling me I should socialise more, have friends...
Tho I can't with that.
Friendships just fade away over time either way.
I don't really feel like doing so.

Sometimes I even tried cuz I was worried about my future, but seems like I'm not 'charismatic' enough to anyone.
I'm better off by myself and if I ever happen to have a friend it'll just be a natural coincidence.

Thanks for your opinion.

[Paulito]

Hi, I know this won't help much, but maybe don't take life so seriously. Try to see the funny side of things and laugh at your silly faults and those of others. At the end of the day, we're all in our own heads anyway. So take it easy and lighten up will you!

Good luck 🤞

[Leonharted]

Joining a club you’re interested in has always worked. Especially if it requires direct interaction. A good example of this is D&D.

[MCheetah]

Try to get new friends or go on Meetup. com or something? You want to be my friend?

[Wise4myage]

Use it to motivate yourself to get out and make some new friends.