Why are parents so controlling?

[Anonymous]

I’m 34 yo and unfortunately still living at home. The cost of living is too expensive. I’m saving up to buy a house. I’ve been helping my parents around the house. I don’t mind. But my mother loves to control people and everything they do. It’s either her way or the highway. I’ve started going out again with a buddy of mine. We go to the movies once a week to get out. First thing out of my mother’s mouth “was don’t pick him up. Meet him there.” My car is registered and insured in my name. He asked if I can pick him up. I said yes. Since when we used to go to the bars years ago he would always drive. I told my mother I have been meeting him there. He called me and she heard me talking and found out I lied. She would make a big stink of it regardless if I told the truth or not. Lose lose situation. Now she’s pissed calling me the liar. She’s just too controlling.

[HollyK21]

I get where you’re coming from but unfortunately until you move out, they’re going to see you as their child and treat you like one too, not like a man. You could do all the adulting — paying rent, household chores/errands, pay bills, etc., but no matter what in their mind you’re still their baby boy living under their roof. I don’t think anyone would judge you still living with your parents in this economy, but sadly all the controlling and whatnot comes with it.

[Asker]

Yeah unfortunately it does.

[Киттйлинк]

That’s a strange scenario without knowing why she doesn’t want you to pick him up.

[Asker]

That’s her being overbearing and controlling. I can’t do anything with her putting her input and opinions in.

[Киттйлинк]

I see but, is there a specific reason? Does she pay the gas? Does she have a problem with your friend? Is there something more that you’re not adding? Otherwise it’s very strange

[Asker]

I pay for my own gas and she had met my friend multiple times. No issues. Back in my 20s he would always volunteer to drive when we went out. She loves dictating things.

[Киттйлинк]

Well in that case… my best advice is just let it go. Don’t let every single thing stress you and bother you. You still did what you wanted. Don’t dwell on something or argue over something, it just leaves a sour taste, stress and anger, why don’t need that? Just move past it every time. Avoid conflict. Work hard and save up so you can have your own space. Don’t spend needlessly when you’re in a bad place. Be happy.

[Asker]

I try to avoid arguing but she intends to blow things out of proportion.

[Киттйлинк]

Most times moms mean well. Maybe renting out what the issue is. If there isn’t one then just don’t put too much energy into it. It’s not good for either of you. What I mean is do t stay angry or resentful for a long time over it even if you feel you were right and she was wrong. Otherwise it will get worse and worse.

[Киттйлинк]

Not renting out I mean finding out

[Asker]

She’s the kind of person who thinks they know it all. She loves controlling everything. Like she nitpicks everything. It’s always wrong.

[Киттйлинк]

Thank you.
Your situation will get better, they usually do.

[In_Trance]

You answered your own question

Because you still live at home

[jahaims]

They aren't. You are just too stupid to be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes they have to be, especially if the children are naughty.

[EmmiL]

Wow try and keep everything a secret from her

[Asker]

I try to. Everything I do is wrong to her. Which is why I have trouble making decisions. I always second guess myself.