Am I in the wrong for wanting our son to have my last name and not his?

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant with my first child and his third child. Which since founding out it’s been a rough patch ever since. I got pregnant when we were only five months into dating. I want my child to have my last name and not his for a number of reasons. Mainly because we are not married, I want to honor my father by naming my child after him because he is the reason I am where I am now ( domestic violence survivor and because of him I wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t step in) and the child would have a better outcome having my last name than his father’s last name in the future. For context we live in a small town where people judge you based on your last name. My family is big in our small town where his family is deemed as trouble. So it just makes more reasonable sense to give our child my last name. I am not traditional, but he sees that I am highly disrespecting him because I don’t want our child to have his last name and he doesn’t want to be with me if he doesn’t get his last name. I tried to explain that I’m trying to consider our child’s future and since he’s iffy about staying with me already there is no reason for our child to have his last name. Am I in the wrong or is it reasonable?

[HollyK21]

Why not compromise and use both last names? I definitely think it’s worth at least that level of compromise because there isn’t any good reason to deny him that right. You want to honor your father and that’s fine but your baby already has a father, who seemingly wants to be active in its life. Just because you two aren’t in a relationship, it has nothing to do with the connection that baby has with its other parent. That’s why things like coparenting and child support exist.

[HollyK21]

Also, I specifically didn’t address the aspect of you being in a small town where last names are important, because I think it’s an excuse of a reason just to back your decision. What if you married that guy? Would he be less of a troublemaker or have the smear on his family name magically erased? No, he’d still be who he was except now you share that last name (unless he took yours but if he’s traditional like you said then he wouldn’t want to do that). This was a fact I’m sure crossed your mind but yet you still stayed with him, got pregnant. You knew who he was, and what his family name meant, yet still put yourself in a position to potentially be part of all that.

[Anonymous]

Reasonable. Don’t give it his name unless you’re married and it’s also your last name. If your partner wants to play traditional and be butt hurt over it then tell him there’s nothing traditional about having multiple baby mamas, getting a girl he’s not married to pregnant or not proposing to someone he got pregnant. This boy wanna play traditional where it suits him. Nope. If he wants to leave over this wave him goodbye. If I were you I’d be the one leaving the relationship.

[Ariesman81]

Honor your father? Bitch please! You shot that out the window a long ass time ago.

[jahaims]

You make horrible life choices. You aren't fit to be a parent.

[MasterKS]

but its his semen.