Who decided to tell boys to always be tough, never cry, etc? And when did father's begin raising their son's to be that way? Always?

Question

Since I grew up without my father and didn't grow up with my half brothers I never knew this about that boys/men were almost all raised to be that way.
It's scary to think that I am just finding this out at the age I am. Because I have never known that it's straight across the board to raise a boy with that belief system. I think 🤔 the only one that I heard was boys 👦 aren't supposed to cry, which I always believed believed was strange - because God made boys with working tear ducts so that they could cry too.
It must be awful to be a boy and be programmed to only be half of who they really are inside. To me, this is very sad and it sure explains a lot to me about why the men in my life were the way they were, not truly able to be who they really were inside.
I had a cluster headache one night and was screaming in pain. My new boyfriend was with me when it happened. He didn't know why I was screaming with pain because he didn't know that I get cluster headaches. A person can't even talk during a cluster headache so I couldn't tell him what was wrong with me. But to this day I remember him looking at me with compassionate tears in his eyes. It made me think MORE about him for crying with me that night - it didn't make me feel like he was less of a man for crying. He was crying because he felt helpless to help me and all he could do was be compassionate and let his tears flow. Nothing wrong with that!! I wish more men were like him. Sadly he's the boyfriend who passed away 2 years ago.

Hellraiser1984 · Accepted Answer

I was raised not to cry ever. You get hit if you do. I cry but not in front of people. I've cried at therapy a few times too. I think it stems from ancient hunting. When you have a group of men trying to bring down something like a mastodon or mammoth they had to think clearly. They learned to stop feeling and focus completely on their hunting techniques. You have to keep yourself safe and your fellow hunters safe. That mammoth does not want to die and it's huge and powerful. Its thrashing around and kicking and doing whatever it takes to kill the hunters. I think that's why men are taught not to have emotions. The men with emotions were considered weak and not worthy of manhood. Plus emotional men are usually seen as gay and generally hetero men are taught to hate them.

DamianSTG · Accepted Answer

Yes, I was rised this way too.

It's because our fathers fathers didn't care and their father grand grand parents were in wars. So there was no time to cry or to show weakness. through the time our fathers learned that no one's gives a shit about us. So they taught us the easier way from the start. Each time a man cries he breaks more and cries less, till he's dead inside. I had also a cluster headache, I was on my knees sweating down on the bed, thinking that if that doesn't stop withing an our I will end it. I had other cluster headaches but there was one that was the worst ever. But yes when I see my girl cry for any reason it hits directly into my empathic little little me inside of me that makes me tear up.

Anonymous · Answer

In my experience this pressure often (Not always) doesn't come from the father or even the mother. Often times it comes from the pressure of their peers both men and women and society as a whole. Men are expected to be stoic unmoving strong and unbothered by pain because historically we were the warriors and providers, and it was our job to kill the lions and protect and feed the tribe.

Women historically stayed home as care takers and love givers patching up their husbands after battle cooking the meat they hunted and taking care of the next generation because it's hard to keep a baby safe and go to war or hunt a lion with a baby in tow.

Bassicly society expects men to behave like we always have but now we live in a world where men aren't warriors, hunters and farmers like we're supposed to be. We're desk clerks with a soul crushing job we hate or construction workers slowly killing ourselves and breaking our bodies with no support or sympathy for our mental health from society as a whole.

The most natural way of life for humans is in small highly communal clans or tribes living in agrarian communities close to nature living off the land with meat veg and fruits. We have become very, very distant from that way of life in the modern age.

Natraully this has had the same effect on humans it has on zoo animals and now men live in a world where society tells us we're worthless problem causers that are to blame for everything wrong with society while activly being told if we don't bottle it all up we're lesser and pathetic.

A lot of men also feel emasculated by the modern world too. Most jobs now a days that pay ok or better are desk jobs doing meaningless nothing work and there's really no way to achieve success long term or stand out in the corporate world anymore. When men can't prove themselves and are constantly told were trash because our society has been rigged against us of course it fucks up our mental health.

If you were constantly told you were worthless and you couldn't do anything to prove to yourself or others, they're wrong of course you feel like a worthless piece of crap. There's a reason the male suicide rate is 3X that of women and men are twice as likely to have a heart attack or heart problems not to mention we're more likely to get cancer too.

Men also used to have a lot of motivation to do things because they wanted to impress women to stand out as a mate but right now thanks to dating apps and social media I'm seeing guys that are 8-10s that are single and unhappy because they can't find anybody to share their life with. Comming home to an empty house day after day and going to bed alone starts to fuck with your head after a while too. It's a very lonely and depressing way to live. I think about ending myself about 10 times a day.

To clarify. If you had to deal with constant abuse and insults from society, had no way to prove to yourself or others that the people bullying you are wrong, didn't have anyone you could lean on and feel safe with and you weren't even allowed to cry in front of other people without feeling weak and ashamed how mentally stable would you be?

So, to answer your question that mentality comes from society some of it comes from other men with shit personalities a lot of it comes from women and a ton of it comes from history, biology and a mentality and image of men that is thousands of years old but now no longer works or functions in this new world we've created.

ohsheeT · Answer

One of these days everyone will understand there is evil on this planet. We live in a duality world go back in time and read what really happened to humans and how we were change to modified

Are DNA. And the reasons why

Any way yes man is I solved. Crying tears is another way to communicate without words it also cli cleanses harmful bacteria.
And also keep the brain cooled down
Im sure it was a weak man that started to tell boys it was weak to cry who ever that was was wrong
I cry it's life if I feel hurt or pain inside yes im not afraid to say it out loud it's because it's who I am it take someone real to not be afraid to show how he feels when something happens in his life that kills him with in
If you think it makes a person weak. Better think again feeling love and the depth of love for someone who will never be around anymore and you release that anger those emotions through your eyes are one thing
But you think that makes a man weak? Just challenge him you will not see any tears. You will be laying on your back with your ass kicked. I will also guarantee you that man tried to prevent you from opening your mouth or being an a****** before he put you on your back

It is not weakness that tears represent. It is straight and disciplined and love and knowing exactly who you are in this world

Zack-Bann · Answer

Since the dawn of time

Men were always expected to defend the tribe, the commune, the state, the nation
So they had to be raised tough rough and ready.

It’s a holdover in our modern age where strength isn’t necessarily outside toughness but instead strength of spirit and grit

Unfortunately in order to integrate these qualities into the youth they need to be raised tough themselves

It has many downsides for sure but there are some advantages as well it’s undeniable and necessary for the survival of any society even today

Beckybooboo · Answer

I don't think they're necessarily told that, I think they learn it from their dad's behavior. I just think men instinctively feel a need to be stoic, to show their loved ones they can depend on them for strength. On another question I was talking about how when I was little and would be at the beach and on a couple occasions guys would come to shore crying. It turned out they were stung by a jellyfish! As a little girl it was sad to see and I would feel so sorry for them, because I see them in pain and it hits different than seeing a girl/woman crying. I didn't see them as being lesser of a man, I saw them being human.

Sunrising · Answer

My Dad never instructed me to be tough or never cry. If anyone my Mum had that role.

But watching tv, cinema, reading books, newspapers, all kinds of media condition us to be tough and never cry, and keep our emotions in.

Men fight wars unfortunately, and society doesn't want weak people going into battle, or failing in adversity.

I'm not saying I match up with these requirements of being a man. But recently there has been efforts to make it acceptable to show emotions like women, and I wonder if it's a step in the right direction.

Tarifa · Answer

We're told since we were little kids that boys don't cry. It's a sign of weakness amongst boys. Only with our best male friends -- and mostly at a later stage in life -- will we feel confident enough to show our feelings. We prefer to talk about our feelings with a female friend or family member. Sad, but true.

You may want to check out this thread, where this and other questions were discussed.

What are some sad facts about men that you can think of?

fantasticass · Answer

Unfortunately, for many generations, men have been taught to hide their feelings and not express them. This is SO WRONG on many many levels. Emotional expression is part of who we are and suppressing that feeling turns into anger and rejection. I work with men all day, and I witness daily men that are frustrated and do not know how to express their feelings. I'm always smiling ( inside) when I see a boy crying and a mother working through his emotions. To me, that's a great mom!!❤️✌️

Sal_Monella · Answer

Since all of human history. Maybe the Marines and The Nam helped. Someone has to be brave.

Like the guy said: (edited) We live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men. Who's gonna do it? Women? Pajama boys? Men have a greater responsibility than you can possibly ever fathom. I have no inclination to explain myself to women and weak children who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very safety that we men provide and then question the manner in which men provide it.

You are (Gosh Darn) right that real men have decided to tell boys to always be tough, and never cry for millennia. When the shytte hits the fan, and it soon will, the rest of you have nowhere to turn except to MEN. Your lawyer and the government won't be answering the phone.

FreyaRed · Answer

I think learning emotional suppression is important for men. There are situation where being emotionless is better than being emotional. However lot of boys bring it at total wrong places and situations because they have huge deficits in situational awareness.
There is nothing wrong with being an asshole among other assholes but playing an asshole among nice or happy people ends always in misunderstanding as psychological cross transaction.

Likes2drive · Answer

Yeah they tell us we were weak if we cried or we can’t complain about pain either

Jackblue · Answer

For me, though I am perhaps not as good as other men at restraining my tears, it wasn't that I was told not to cry or punished if I did so, it was more the example that my father and the other men around me set. Almost all sons idolize their dads and want to grow up to be like them and when they see their refusal to be vulnerable, they try to imitate that.

exitseven · Answer

My father taught me to be tough and not to show emotion. his father undoubtedly taught him the same. Society reinforces this behavior. I bet that if a girl ever saw me cry she would think less of me.

Anonymous · Answer

reality teaches men and boys not to cry we don't need to be taught that when we see the world for what it is

Anonymous · Answer

My father didn't raise me like that. He always told me I could come to him about anything, it was everyone else who wouldn't care about what I think or feel. He did his job as a parent and prepared me for the real world.

DexWest · Answer

Women saying they get the ick or that it’s a red flag to see a man cry

Iron_Man · Answer

I’m sorry to hear that did you ever meet your father

es20490446e · Answer

The reason I don't cry isn't because I force myself not to. I just don't feel the urge.

noohair · Answer

Going back to caveman times, men had to project strength and power just to survive. This is what you see today…

LiamJHayden · Answer

For rhousands of years.

Markella7 · Answer

I heard my mom tell that to my brother.

Master_Rick · Answer

iT STARTED WITH CAINE AND ABEL

Who decided to tell boys to always be tough, never cry, etc? And when did father's begin raising their son's to be that way? Always?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do men act like little boys?

Who decided to tell boys to always be tough, never cry, etc? And when did father's begin raising their son's to be that way? Always?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do men act like little boys?

We're glad to see you liked this post.