What good does it actually do to tell the absolute truth (as you see it) about every single thing all the time?

[Anonymous]

I've had a best friend for nearly 3 decades. We are generally pretty honest with each other, but there are some things that annoy me about what she does, but not enough for me to tell her about it, or shake her confidence, or ruin her day. I think there IS such a thing as being too honest and I think people who are that way, get off on getting to people and making them feel bad because why is everything necessary to say all the time at every occasion to the point where someone's feelings are genuinely really hurt. There is a huge difference between you are genuinely hurting because of something a friend is doing to you which you should be honest about and just like some little thing that may bother you from time to time, but doesn't affect your life or friendship, it's just a thing that is.

[Noredcarpet]

From what I get it she could be using direct honesty but less emotional intelligence meaning she don't care how it lands. Could be too that she lacks the ability you have to read off situations and peoples reactions which I was brought up with my mom having and my dad trying to prewarn her or put in a word or two to sorten things up, but he was like me, meaning we had more sensors, sensitivity to read these things. I think my dad was simply born with his brain and mom with hers, she was much like my grandparent who couldn't tell, big hearts. We are all the same but still different and some things with the brain we are blessed with and some things screw up. Instead of being honest like mom was dad would say nothing which too have a downside. I think people who get their shit out and don't seem to care about how it lands are not as critical of themselves as they should be when they should.

[DishLady]

You can't really say EVERY SINGLE THING that's on your mind 24/7, true or not. That's just rude.

It's NOT necessary to say everything all the time. That's rather shameless and shows the person doesn't have a conscience or sense of empathy.

I'm not saying TO LIE, however it's good to REFRAIN from hurting another person with your words.

[OneViewpoint]

Here's how I approach this conundrum.

• My first instinct is to be painfully blunt and truthful with people. For 3 reasons. Better to set boundaries and expectations early and often. And it weeds out the people who can't understand boundaries and expectations fast. Lastly, I feel like not telling people I like the truth is dismissive and disrespectful of them.
• But there are instances where it's not important enough to warrant the effort to be honest with someone. I don't care about telling them the truth they need to hear. I just want them to go away as fast as possible. Either there's a low probability the truth would do them any good or I don't want to get involved in their problems.

[Purpleronnie]

Well the operative words there would be “as you see it “ which can often be reflective and or tainted by your feelings at that specific point in time. So generally then it’s NOT the absolute truth but more of a perspective or opinion what you understand of the situation which is clearly never going to be perfect considering you haven’t lived it
What’s important to understand in these situations , in my opinion is when honesty helps more than it hurts and putting yourself in their position.


Most people who find it “easy” to offer in their opinion the honest truth are the same people who would loose their shit if on the receiving end of that same truth !

[SoccerPlayer99]

I guess my question to you would be, why do you care? Does it prevent you from going about your day? Does it stop you from sleeping at night? I'm sure you do things or say things that she disagrees with. Unless, there is some sort of actual hurt being caused then your job is to, unless asked for your opinion, stfu or at least don't lie. If you are asked for an opinion then give your opinion but it can always be phrased in a kind way. A higher level way to handle the situation when she asks your opinion, is to say "before I answer, why is that the opinion you hold?". Because maybe she's right and you don't understand the situation properly and the reverse can also be true.

[Asker]

My goal is not to hurt my friend or say unnecessary things, so I don't because I don't see the point in saying things to her that might hurt her feelings or ruin her day just because I have a thought in my head. My complaint is towards the people that feel entitled to give their opinions on everything because they feel that is "telling it like it is." She is not like this, nor am I, but we know people who are. And it's like why? Does it give them power? Are they happy with having that a-hole title hanging over their heads? If you see someone hurting and you don't care, and keep talking and keep making them feel bad with "your truth," is that constructive or are you just a jerk?

[SoccerPlayer99]

Yeah I am with you. I think people get off on telling others they are wrong. My coworker does that even when I don't ask for his opinion.

[egan3141]

This is a nuance problem. There is a difference between never lying and and always saying what you think. Both can be referred to as always telling the truth, but one is what honesty should be and the other is what rude people do. I do my best to never tell a lie, which means I almost only tell the truth. However, if there is something negative and I don't want to say it, I just don't say anything.

[Asker]

Exactly my point. Why do some feel...and I'll use this specific word, entitled, to say every little thing all the time because "they" feel their truth needs to be said? I say their truth because it's not always factual, it's just an opinion they feel the need to tell everyone. You can just keep your thoughts to yourself. That is not lying.

[egan3141]

In that case, those people either don't have a filter, don't understand they are being rude, or don't care that they are being rude

[jshm2]

Seems you haven't been taught "if you can't say something nice, then say nothing". Nor were you taught about boundaries and being "likeable".

I also highly doubt you know what "truth" is, and are just confusing it with "opinion".

[Ariesman81]

Lies, whether vocal or by omission, are in essence telling the world you don't care. Now, maybe there's things you generally don't care about, or don't see the value in disputing, but to actually have an issue and not say something is, at the very least lying to yourself.

[Asker]

That's just it, there are people that talk about always NEEDING TO BE honest all the time for everything, and I'm like, that's BS. No one needs to do all of that or say everything all the time to every single person. My nephew sucks at football, but I don't go to games and tell him he sucks. He's there to have fun not become the next phenom. My brother annoys the hell out of me because he's a food snob and when you ask him about food, or go out to eat with him, it's next level, but he loves it, it makes him feel good, so whatever. None of that is life and death. None of that truly affects my life, but there are people who would tell a kid, they suck and to quit, or my brother to STFU. Why? So they can have some sick upper hand, it's weird. It's just weird.

[egan3141]

Omission is not lying. Anyone who thinks so is part of the problem. If you were deceived by omission, that is your fault for not following up on your question.

[Ariesman81]

@asker

What you're describing is people pleasing behavior. Rather than risk confrontation with your nephew or brother, you're avoiding it. And no one's saying you have to be mean about it, but holding stuff like that in will almost surely lead to resentment.

But you did make a statement that shed some light on it. "It doesn't affect my life..." That's quite a self centered and false statement. Sure, your nephew sucking at football doesn't directly affect you, but you don't seem to care that it affects his. And your brother annoying you about food does affect you, since you said it annoys you.

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

And that's a bold faced lie. Lying by omission, meaning intent to deceive by omitting the truth, is as damaging as a verbal lie.

That's like saying, I'm not cheating if my girlfriend doesn't ask. It's ridiculous.

[egan3141]

If a woman suspects her boyfriend is cheating and when he gets home late asks "where were you" and he says "hanging out at *some name*'s place" and what he said isn't lying, and she doesn't ask anything else, then it is HER fault she was deceived. Her boyfriend is a piece of shit for cheating, but the woman is still at fault for staying ignorant.

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

Sure... willful ignorance is a thing, but it doesn't justify omitting the truth. If my girlfriend asked if I was cheating with Lisa when I was actually actually cheating with Leila and I told her no, am I lying?

[egan3141]

You are not. Again, the woman chose willful ignorance, and that's her fault. Of course, you are scum. But you aren't a liar (in that scenario)

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

In that scenario I'm being intentionally deceptive.

[egan3141]

So? You answered the question that was asked. Might as well say someone is a liar if they don't volunteer crimes that no one asked about

[egan3141]

Not sure why I just said crimes. I meant bad actions

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

Yeah, they are a liar. A criminal is still a criminal even if they haven't been caught.

Liars usually have to deal with personal feelings of shame and guilt. It's one of the best ways to spot a liar.

[egan3141]

Yes, a criminal is a criminal whether they are caught or not. A liar is a liar whether caught or not. However, you aren't a liar for not volunteering information...

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

Yeah, you are. You're just not exposed as a liar. Being disingenuous, deceitful and inauthentic may "protect" the other person, but it will do just as much damage to a relationship.
Now, if you say you don't care enough to be honest, then fair enough.

[egan3141]

Lie: "A false statement made with the deliberate intent to deceive someone". That is the definition. A liar is someone who lies. If there is no false statement, there is no lie. No lie, no liar. I'm done arguing over a definition.

[Ariesman81]

@egan3141

You're ignoring the word "Intent".

[Finchie40]

There is such a thing , of being too much of a liar as well , so I rather hear honesty over bullshit lies, people that lie are insecure and have low self esteem about themselves , they can’t handle the truth because it hurts their feelings ,

[Nikki1989]

Many people would rather not hear the truth if it is a truth they can't relate to. I was just on a post that is a perfect example of that.

[AviatorTom]

My father taught me a valuable lesson when I was young...

Always tell the truth, but the truth is not always told.

[genericname85]

there's a difference between honesty and sharing your opinions when that wasn't asked for. so if they didn't ask you, no reason to ruin their day about something that annoys you about them.

[FunkyMonkee]

It lets people know you're honest and able to be easily trusted!!

[AgentG111]

People will know that you are a extremely Blunt person and truthful and don't hold anything back.

[AngryCarl2]

It's not always good but some people have a pathological need to be honest. Fortunately I'm not one of them.

[ABC1x1x]

Don't say anything at all. Even if asked. Operate in silence. Half the people in your life are your enemy and the other half are NOT your friend.

[Anonymous]

Society would not be able to function if everyone were completely honest.

[airaM2000]

With close friends and family yes strangers I might be weary.

[Anonymous]

Better to just contain them inside our heads
Sometimes it's too much and we crack and say things

[Crankor]

What good does it not?

[Anonymous]

Not good at all in my opinion.

[robocop666]

People believe you.