Why aren’t men generally more involved in the parenting of their children?

Question

Mothers are generally considered the default parent. Why do you think that is?

MrChinaski · Accepted Answer

Okay. Let's assume we are talking about two parent family to keep things contained a little.

Some things are practical.

- Breast feeding

- Experience of pregnancy, child birth, need to recover for a few weeks after commonly.

- Lower forgone wages

- Better social skills

Some things are cultural.

- Women in most of The West grow up being told overtly and covertly that they should focus on mothering, men that they should primarily focus on earning incomes.

- Women growing up being told that soft skills are valuable while men are told they should be rough and independent.

- Young girls are given dolls presumably with the intent they start practicing being a mother, young boys are given toy cars presumably so they can dream of getting greasy and sweaty working on repairs or other times simply drive away.

- Teenage girls focus more on themselves and their friend groups, teenage boys on sports and games involving shooting there... friends are part of the experience but not the purpose of it so overtly.

These are all broad brush observations of differences in average experiences, not meant to reflect the experience of any or every man and woman. And the cultural forces have actually changed quite a lot in the past 60 years ago... fast progress for culture that typically slides like molasses. And there are differences across countries... the Scandis appear to have moved a very long way from these historical norms, for example; Japan, if you let me count that as The West, has seen slower cultural change... but heck they have a female head of government now, which has only been achieved once in Australia (and then only for 1000 days) and never in the USA.

Some random, non-exhaustive, non-exclusive, contestable thoughts on the topic.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

When a couple has children, the financial responsibilities INCREASE, and in nearly all cases, the weight of that responsibility is placed on the man. The woman will often quit her job or at least reduce her work hours to spend more time with the children (and, in my opinion, this is usually a good thing), but, again, the weight of the financial responsibility falls onto the man.

So, how does the man deal with that? The reality is that most men aren't making 6+ figures - there simply aren't that many such jobs, and many of the ones that exist are back-breaking or dangerous or both. Still, the man must make more money, so that usually means working more hours or taking a second job. That might mean working 60 or more hours a week, and working 7 days a week for years at a time.

In this situation, how do you expect the man to be more involved in the children's lives? That's simply not possible.

If the man is fortunate enough to be in a high-paying job and can make a lot of money in a 40-hour work week, then, sure, he'll have more time to be more involved, but that's definitely the exception, not the rule.

emeraldsaphire · Accepted Answer

So a few reasons. First. There just generally isn't as much social pressure for men to be a good dad. Like there is some, but it's more so about being in the general area of your kids. I'm pregnant and both my mom my mother in law, not to mention some of my Aunts have taken time to tell me how to be a good mom. My husband has receved no such talks. I've noticed that guys will get praised for taking there kids to the park, where women will be asked if they put sun screen on their kids. Guys also just don't know that much about kids. Probably because they haven't been given that talk.

Then you also just have pragmatism. I'm going to quit my job to be a SAHM when i get closer to the due date. My husband is going to be working more to pay for that loss, plus the kids cost. If the dad is at work he can't really be raising the kid can he.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

Gender roles dictate that men can only do and be certain things and, a lot of the time, parenting requires tasks that fall outside of those guidelines. They grow up being taken care of by their mothers, so they continue to let the mother do the primary amount of caretaking because they were never taught how to have the awareness and consideration for others’ needs the same way women are. They’ll do it if they’re told to, but they never initiate it themselves without that education.

SixFootSexy · Answer

Why do you think that is? Seems like men are consistently kicked out of their own homes by the State and family courts regularly. This is because single women vote for social welfare far and above the average single man, who takes very little from the system and pays in far more than is taken out. Statists love women because they can leverage their natural nurturing instincts and use it against them to consolidate power upwards; out of the home into the hands of the oligarchy.

If women want to have a happy home life, they can't expect a working man to do 8-10 hours at his job then come home to do another 4-6 hours of work at home. Unfortunately, the economy is in the gutter and shows no signs of improving in the next 5-10 years.

HawkPerception · Answer

Now I'm not saying all men are like that, but you do have to understand... just logically... babies grows inside women for 9 months. They eat the same things as you, they listen to the same music as you, they're literally connected to you for 9 months in the most intimate way you can be connected. Obviously there will be a correlation to how much a mother feels connected and nurturing to the kid vs. the father who has to adopt a mentality. It doesn't come as naturally to men.

Women are also raised more social than men. They're more sisterly with each other than men are brotherly. Talking about feelings and emotions and socializing often makes them more ready for the job of raising kids.

Many men want to be great fathers who are very involved in our kids lives, but many feel awkward with kids and feel it's easier to leave it in the hands of the one who was literally born for it.

NathanDavis · Answer

because of labor... and capitalism

whether is middle class, rich people, poor people... it is usually the men that has to be more tied to work and providing for stuff

while it is usually the mother... the one that nurtures the children

and then, because of the nature of consumerism and capitalism... people do fall into certain habits and dynamics that are less than ideal, when men are moody or stressed or upset or angry, fed-up, tired... most of them tend to want to be alone rather than take it on others

this is all generalization, of course...

MikeMcMansion · Answer

F-A-M-L-Y C-O-U-R-T.

divorce is dropped by 78% in Kentucky after default 50-50 custody was arranged, character assassinations were to be takin seriously and put through criminal Court-i. e. due process would be exercised.

The government has taught that raising children is a woman’s job. We have consecutive generations of fatherlessness children having more children, continuing the cycle. Also many women who are poor tend to have children with drug dealers or the local Chad of the trailer park.

OffGridHomested · Answer

I will say this. To day society has this notion men are to take car of children in the the same a a woman would. Men are meant to provide. and women are to care for and nurture a family. This has been done for thousands of years. This is how we got here. In the past say since 1940s the family dynamic has been slowly chipped away. Before you get all worked up just stop and think. You see the results as society is a mess. No respect and little morals. the concept of right and wrong is blurred. This is a tiny paragraph to a huge complex topic. Thoughts?

unending · Answer

Likely because the woman is a lazy retard or a spendthrift that doesn't bring in enough money and spend too much, as a result the man has to work harder to insure the bills are paid so he's never around because he's bringing in the bacon so that his kid isn't homeless. If you want a man to be around more often, then take more responsibility for money. Earn more as a woman (at least as much as he does) and spend less (half of the household income or less). If there is plenty of money, then men will not be stressed out about the bills and will take more time off to spend with the family.

Hagar88 · Answer

One because mothers choose to be and two because fathers are generally out working.

Take myself, id like to be more involved in a lot of the day to day parenting but im just not there as bills need paid. Honestly look forward to the weekend and holidays.

Berethor · Answer

It usually like that in the animal kingdom as well, men don't have a maternal instinct.

exitseven · Answer

I tried ot be pretty hands on with raising my kids. I worked a lot of hours and I was going to school at night. Still I coached soccer and volunteered for cub scouts and school trips when I could.

I was unemployed for over a year and it was nice to chaperone field trips and take trips to the beach with my kids. I got to see my son's track meets too. Goddam job took up too much of my time.

msc545 · Answer

Court's usually Grant as much custody to the woman as possible in order to give the woman as much child support and money as possible. Courts are uninterested in having men do anything other than contribute money and transfer as much wealth as possible from the man to the woman.

Quigly · Answer

Parenting includes working your ass off and providing. However, many guys get married for materialistic lifestyle reasons. They are not really Family guys that actually wanted to have kids. They merely stated they did to get the girl to Marry him so he could possess her through monogamy. Marriage is fundamentally Prostitution, Monogamy is sex slavery.

ohsheeT · Answer

Because before they got married, she forgot to communicate about having children.
End with a believe in on how to raise children. Because I doubt that she would have married the guy

AviatorTom · Answer

Historically, women stay home and care for the children while men work, which limits how involved they can be with their children. That doesn't mean they don't love their children, and most men spend as much time as they can.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Men didn't evolve that way. Someone has to be out hunting, building, fighting. That's what men evolved to do. If those things don't get done the family and tribe won't survive.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Depends if you marry a shitty lazy guy or one who actually loves his family.

Yannishka · Answer

I never saw my father as not involved. He's the bread winner for sure so during the day he was not there. But he was there when he was home, right? He was just as involved as my mother.

Anonymous · Answer

First off, men can't be at home and at work at the same time. My father was VERY involved in patenting me and my siblings. He was like super dad.  Your experiences are not everyone else's.

WonderingManII · Answer

Throughout history, the men were the one's out making money. But now days things are oddly different. Both parents often work.

jshm2 · Answer

They are. It's a myth that in functional households the men are not involved.

genericname85 · Answer

cause women are gating that sort of thing from men while demanding equality on the career end.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Historically, dads have been the financial providers while moms were the caregivers and nurturers, and despite many welcome changes to gender roles, the basic idea hasn't close to vanished.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Statistically single mothers do way worse when it comes to raising children.

Nemesis2k7 · Answer

Because women prevent fathers from seeing their children, or whine bitch and nag that its not up to “their” standard, no matter what you do.

Staximus · Answer

It's been this way since the dawn of time. Mothers birth the child

Anonymous · Answer

Stupidity of the court system favoring women, and the belief that men just aren't necessary.. Thank you feminism..

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why women aren't generally more involved in the parenting of their children.

aceleon · Answer

basic evolution 101.

jahaims · Answer

Females are more nurturing.

Ariesman81 · Answer

The Tender Years Doctrine.

grega239 · Answer

Because thats how its been.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because of patriarchy.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s the other way around

Ben9500 · Answer

I think it’s biological

Why aren’t men generally more involved in the parenting of their children?

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Single motherhood, why aren't men playing their part in the children's lives too?

Why aren’t men generally more involved in the parenting of their children?

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Single motherhood, why aren't men playing their part in the children's lives too?

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