Why is hitting back at abusive parents taboo in Latino families?

[Danielle93]

One of my friends who happens to be Mexican-American slapped back her mother for the first time.

The mother was smacking her around for accidentally burning the lentils. It's not the first time her mother would fly of the handle for little things. This time though, my friend said she had enough and slapped her back; not hard but moderately enough to make it clear she can't just yell and hit her (as long as there are no bruises) whenever she wants to just because she's her mother and thinks she has the right to do that.

No she didn't apologize and doesn't feel remorse at all. Her other friends, cousins and younger relative are on her side. Meanwhile older relatives still believe parents are sacred and shall never get hit back or else you'll have bad luck for life; you're cursed.

Why is hitting back (returning their aggression) a parent taboo within Latino communities, even if you really had enough?

Updates

4 mo

Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean their children won't have limits too. Adult children are people too.

[AMS700CX4u2]

For Centuries Honor thy Mother and Father, a pretty good concept, has been abused. One usually relied on ones parent to interpret the world for them, help them fit into society, and prevent them from committing errors that posed threats to their future. There comes a time in the lives of all mammals that we begin to feel that we have the situation under control. Grandparent have the wisdom of seeing the situation arise many time and knowing the outcome of specific actions. Respect in that context is an earned quality. Grandma has lost a finger and so when it comes to petting crocodiles, Ii will heed her warning.

Life has changed much over the years. In many instances Grand parents bring their cellphones to their grand kids for explanation. My wife and I have recognized our limitations as we age and our children have recognized our wisdom. It is always a struggle. I told you so, is a comment that is best said in private if at all. There comes a point in one life where physical violence is unacceptable. It is difficult for parents to recognize when to take their hands off of the steering wheel.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

That taboo is not specifically Latam culture, it's all over the world !

And it's not just a family thing either. because breaking this taboo implies, on a larger scale, opening up a terrifying breach in power structure. If parents' violence monopoly is being challenged then it implies, still on a larger scale, that any other authority/institution is at risk to lose monopoly, such as government, police, military and any other sphere holding violence monopoly.

Talking about cultures and laws, corporal punishment is apparently much more acceptable in the USA than it is in LATAM in general...

[sage2021]

I believe slapping a person is very degrading and I have never slapped anyone!

The Hispanic people have made-up ideas - like bad luck if you slap back. Reduculious.

Step on a crack and break your mother's back. We used to say that in elementary school when walking on the sidewalk.

I believe that the daughter had to finally set a boundary with her slapping mother! Like if you ever slap me again, you're gonna get one back.

Hopefully the mother will keep her hands off her daughter now and in the future.

If the mother continues to slap her daughter, she shouldn't be surprised when one day she won't have a daughter to slap around because she will have cut off contact with her unlovable mother!!

[Danielle93]

Yeah my friend didn't even do it hard. In fact just for being her mother, it's the only reason she didn't use all her force. That's still some restraint in comparing to the way her mother slapped.

Needless to say, my friend say her mother looked at her all shocked, saying I'm your mother how could you, god will punish you, you're now cursed, etc.
My friend then just calmly told her that's her new rule, slap me and I'm slapping back or walking away, that she's not her piñata nor doormat she can vent out her anger to.

[sage2021]

I'm actually glad that she finally stood her ground.

Her mother sounds like a drama queen! 👑 Oh... now you're cursed. Probably a Catholic mother - some can be like that with their own children. I think it's sad that she had to grow up with a lunatic for a mother!!😔

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂🧡

[HollyK21]

It’s not just Latino communities, it’s certain households in general. Some families have ideologies instilled that aren’t always agreeable, like respecting your elders, blood is thicker than water, never strike back, etc. For some families/parents, spanking just scratches the surface of discipline and they feel as though slapping, punching, etc is more effective. In my opinion, those are adults on a power trip who really need therapy or other means of regulating their emotional control.

[Friendlybro79]

Many older generations were treated even worse when they were young, don’t see to understand right from wrong, and expect you to take it because they did. It’s weird. It’s not just the older Mexican-American generation that thinks this way. It extends into other ethnicities too unfortunately. I’m not saying you should hit your parents for no reason of course or any time you get mad at them, but if they are hitting you as an adult, that shit is a no go for sure.

[Master_Debator]

Hmmm... Nobody is putting the elders in check on the physical abuse. Who hit who first. The old system of "I dealt with it so you should deal with it too" no longer holds water. They know that... Nobody is checking them so... you get what you get.

[NathanDavis]

it isn't...

violence and drama is quite common among these kind of families... anywhere and everywhere, not just in Latin-America

[InknKink]

First time I struck back I was given a beer and I was never struck again.

[Danielle93]

Good. Parents aren't untouchable.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

What culture doesn't have that? Pain helps you remember. That's an instinct humans have had for a very long time.

I think it just doesn't fit into the world of today like it used to.

[Danielle93]

It doesn't because more people are standing up for themselves and not tolerating mediocre treatment.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Nothing wrong with that

[Nikki1989]

That is a bad thing in most families.

[Staximus]

Sounds like she should have moved out a long time ago

[Danielle93]

She already did long ago. The mother had just stopped by for a visit for one week.

[Staximus]

The mom hit the daughter in the daughter's house? That's fucked up

[jazzy34]

How old is your friend?

[DexWest]

Is it abusive or just discipline?

[Danielle93]

How can getting slapped for accidents such as burning lentils and other minor things be discipline?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

There are official answers about that distinction:

"United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child distinguishes between discipline on the one hand, and corporal punishment (or other forms of cruel or degrading punishment) on the other: "By rejecting any justification of violence and humiliation as forms of punishment against children, the Committee does not reject the positive concept of discipline. The healthy development of children requires that parents and other concerned adults provide the necessary guidance and direction, according to the child's evolving capacities, to help them grow into responsible members of society."

or

"According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, "The term discipline means transmitting knowledge and skills, educating. However, it is often confused with punishment and control. [...] Effective and positive discipline educates and guides the child rather than forcing them to obey. [...] The goal of discipline is to change behaviour, not to punish children. Discipline enables children to develop their own self-discipline and to become emotionally and socially mature adults. [...] Physicians should actively advise parents on discipline and actively discourage all forms of corporal punishment, including spanking."

[Bloodparadise]

Did he wake up? Realized the truth?

[MasterKS]

These old minds should change their mentality.