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I had invited them to a board game event. They said that they joined a group near to where they are and can't do weekends because of shows but can try to join one of the weekday ones when I have time.
So kind of a low investment response.
Recently convo was me: I'll let you know if I join a weekday one! How did you find that board game group?
Them: Just did one and then I was away for a bit, haven't started again. Just doing stuff with friends nowadays.
It was weird like was that 'doing stuff with friends' a hint the tone seemed to have changed too to a bit more firm usually it's a bit more Heyo! etc.
PS not interested in this guy but put it in the dating section because I can't read him.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
If you’re genuinely concerned, then you should ask him if everything is okay between you guys, and that things seem a bit off. I feel like you should be able to have those conversations with your true friends, and if you feel like you can’t, then that says a lot about your level of closeness and could be an indication that you need to check your feelings in regards to how he’s acting. Like maybe you shouldn’t worry about it too much since you are not comfortable enough, or secure enough in your friendship, to ask something that’s both simple and potentially important.
Aside from that, I wouldn’t read into texts too much if you aren’t willing to clarify with the person about what the context means. Things get misconstrued or misunderstood within text messaging all the time, so while you’re feeling as though he’s being weird just because he gave a low energy response, it could be you in your own head.
I don't really know him that well. We chatted online about board games and met once and have chatted on and off online about how are you etc.
Got it. In that case, I wouldn’t really worry about it because if you’re just a casual friend then you may not get the same sort of engagement one time as you do another.
Also, I just glanced over the conversation you’re having with the other commenter, and wanted to add something here so that I’m not speaking under two separate comments. No, I don’t think his mention of hanging out with friends was any sort of snub or sign to you. If not calling them his friends, what else would he say? Just doing stuff with people lately? I just don’t think there’s any rude intent, but again, texts messages don’t always relay as they’re mean to.
That's true, I guess I just sort of wondered why would he mention that he'd just say he's been busy doing other things etc. Unless he wanted to pinpoint to me that he's got his own circle so can't hang out often etc.
What I got from his responses was that he can’t join you on the weekend because of his shows. He found a group that’s both closer to home and has weekday meetings, but he hasn’t been going as of late because he’s been hanging out with his friends lately. I could be wrong in my interpretation of course, but that’s just what it comes off as.
I think the hangup for you is the lack of “enthusiasm” with his messages. It’s almost as if you want to feel them smiling through the text, and vice versa, otherwise you interpret it as something is wrong. For example, this message:
“Hey, I’m going to be busy this weekend but maybe another time”
Comes off flat and dry compared to:
“Hey! Sorry I can’t make it this weekend, just a bit busy lol. But hopefully I can make it next time!🤍”
See, I’m telling you the same thing, but one doesn’t carry the same lighthearted connotation as the other. One may also make you think I’ve got a problem with you or something when that isn’t exactly the case. Which is why I say you shouldn’t put too much thought into some texts.
Yeahhh that's true! But I also noticed that generally he is a tad bit more enthusiastic and then when he said this part it almost felt a bit firm to me.
You know independent of him, sometimes I find that when people say they're looking for friends, their actions don't always align and that can be confusing.
Again not saying that is what he's doing, but I have noticed that.
For me it's more when I'm looking for friends I'm actually looking for friends kind of a thing.
You’re totally entitled to how you feel, and I understand thinking what you think, based off how he initially acted vs how he’s acting now. All I can really say is to trust your gut. Maybe it isn’t just this encounter that made you feel odd, but a combination of things over the past few days, weeks, however long you may have been slightly noticing the shift. If you feel like he’s pulling away then just match his energy and don’t engage that connection unless he not only reaches out first, but helps to have a equal balance going forward. Where you don’t feel like your effort or interest isn’t being reciprocated.
Also, I get what you mean when it comes to making friends, especially with men. In my opinion, it’s much easier to form a bond with another girl than it is with a guy. Usually with men, they aren’t very interested in maintaining a fully platonic, opposite sex connection. They do better with other guys, but it seems like with women, unless they’re either getting something out of it, or just not attracted to the girl, they don’t prioritize maintaining a friendship.
In any case, it’s his loss, not yours. You were actually willing to try, and shared the same hobby, so that’s a connection he’s missing out on.
It sounds like he might've moved on and he's more interested in the things he's doing now.
But did he deliberately say that "Just doing stuff with friends nowadays" to send a hint?
Well, to me it seems like he views those friends as a priority, and he wants to see you when he's got nothing else to do. Sorry.
Oh sorry I mistyped one part - he said like he can try to join one of the weekday shows when u (as in me not him) have time
So he was basing that part according to what works for me - but yeah his like subsequent response got me confused
Okay, that might change things. You'll know if you do set up a time to meet, and whether or not he seems excited, and makes an effort to be there.