As a Latina mom, is preferring western parenting and culture unusual?

[Anonymous]

I'm a Latina that was raised in Florida (ages 4 to 20) with somewhat traditional parents and my father still had old-school views. I've always felt out of place, as if I never felt connection with religion and that my father's parenting style was sometimes too controlling and too out-dated. I hated the obedience by force (it was already 2000 when I was 13 and it felt like he was applying things from the 1960's); many times I didn't feel respect for him, just fear but it's not like I can do much as a girl and a minor at that time. If I wanted to disagree on something and really thought it wasn't fair, that was already followed by ''no backtalking'' reprimand. I hated it and still do. I can already contradict (and really feel like an individual worthy of having her own ideas and opinions, even be outspoken about it) my parents as an adult on things I don't agree with since it's been a long time that I'm not a minor anymore and there is no ''don't argue with me, don't answer back'' rule on adults anymore.

Honestly, I've always liked the more independent westernized style and I even imagine naming my child differently from the family and in English. Many years later as a mother of as baby boy and wife of a loving American husband, my son's name is in English. Neither of us are religious so our son will be raised as non-believer and no fear-based compliance either. The other thing I like about my culture is the warmth in the family and big celebrations on every single b-days but we'll raised him mainly westernized.

Is this unique? I feel as if I'm rare for my culture.

[ArrowheadSW]

I am glad that you are breaking away from that overly authoritative attitude that you were raised with. I am a caucasian American of European descent (in spite of my Native American name on here... LOL), and I saw that attitude among my friends' parents growing up. (My parents were much better thankfully.) A lot of my friends growing up had psychological issues. I remember one friend of mine accidentally cutting his feet because he walked over some broken glass with bare feet. His dad cleaned up his feet, which I thought was nice. But then told him that he was going to give him a whipping after dinner. What bullshit. As if he didn't learn his lesson?

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer and I'm glad to hear your parents were much better in their parenting skills. It's sad that my father feels that he had to use verbal threat to get ''respect''. Meanwhile all I was thinking about was the threat itself and questioning why is a big, grown man talking to a then 13-14 year-old girl like that, the same way as if he were talking to a boy. Yet, he wouldn't like it if another grown-man (a boyfriend or husband) were to get use threats on me or yell at me in an intimidating manner. Plus he didn't and still doesn't realize a daughter is different from a son.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Not unusual at all in the sense that learning from our ancestors mistakes and pushing forward is expected.

Side note: I wouldn't name the type of parenting you refer to as Western culture, it's actually progressive culture instead. Because the West is a blurry notion blending all sorts of progressive and conservative cultures on the continuum, coexisting more or less peacefully.

[Asker]

The reason I've mentioned Western culture is because several people have place several American and European parents in the progressive category while the Latinos are still stereotyped as conservative with old-school (fear-based obedience) parenting even though it's already 2026.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

All right, well, I don't know for USA or Latam. It's too far from me, culturally. But I'm certain EU is not homogeneously progressive in parenting. I'm not even sure one country in EU agrees with itself about that.

[choco-latte]

You’re American, why would it be weird that you prefer an Americanized form of parenting? It’s like Latin Americans have been saying for a long time, American Latinos haven’t had the full cultural experience of growing up in their family’s countries, so culturally you’re more American than anything else. But personally for me as a fellow American, American parenting often gives the child way too much freedom and that’s why they become spoiled sometimes. For me, I’ll meet it half way… you don’t have to be “controlling” but being firm when needed and establishing rules is important.

[Jersey2]

Latinos are Western culture.

From Artificial Intelligence (AI): Yes, Latinos (people of Latin American origin or descent, typically from countries where Spanish, Portuguese, or sometimes French are primary languages) are generally considered part of Western civilization in cultural, historical, and civilizational terms.

[Asker]

Yet many Latinos that are even younger than me still prefer conservative, traditional, old-school (fear-based compliance and obedience) parenting over Westernized, progressive parenting where the child is human with respect without replying on fear to get them to obey.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Western men are flocking to South America for exactly what you're trying to give up. Just saying.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to give up. I've given up on religion and old-school parenting approaches a long time ago. My husband (atheist himself) knew very well I'm also a non-believer and against old-school parenting. I've always hated the ''spanking kids'' culture and still have hatred towards that. Our latino culture seems to have this weird fixation on being proud of getting spanked. I've always saw it as assault.
Though I still love the other good things about my culture such as the language, the abundant food, the happy celebrations on every b-days, large gatherings on reunions and loud music. I still love spoiling my husband with food. So I'm basically combining both cultures. I guess I can be called a hybrid.

[Asker]

So basically my parenting style for my son is the Westernized type (no hitting) with all the b-day celebrations, abundant food and happy environment added. All the good stuff I've mentioned plus the westernized approach.

[In_Trance]

So... You're Floridian