How can I move on after oversharing my sex and counseling issues?

[Anonymous]

Sounds awful. But I was getting counseling. And I was so used to taking about it, I just spilled my guts to colleagues. Then I discovered all my old friends were laughing at me. That's a few years ago but it's still mortifying

The issue was that I felt too guilty to actually have sex with a girl. Embarrassing.

[SueShe]

I have always failed to understand why anyone would even share that kind of experience with anyone. This is something private that does NOT need sharing. If you share your secrets, then you have to expect that they will be leaked sooner or later and that you are going to be the victim of your indiscretions.

It would never come to my mind to share my sex life even with my closest friends or family. This is absolutely none of their business.

How you can move on? What is done is done and what is said is lost to you forever. So, don't think of it and and learn that you should never ever talk about private things with anyone. Today's friend may be tomorrow's enemy.

[Asker]

Your right of course
But at then time I wasn't thinking clearly
And in the attempt to clarify
I actually created confusion in people's minds
It's so weird
My mother asked me if I was gay
That's the kind of weirdness
And part of the reason i said it publicly was to ensure people didn't think I was gay
And even writing this sounds weird
And now in 30 years married I find when that's unhappy and I have had girlfriends on the side who I miss now they moved away
But yes total confusion
Because I always felt guilty about sex
And was somehow raised to save myself for the right girl
And of course when do you know that is
And I blame my mother for that
So it's all weird
I feel like my parents/society was like old fashioned while everyone else was living modern times
Like in our house the girls would be terrified to become pregnant
And that affected me, afraid of causing that pain in another another girls family

But where I felt it most was at a class reunion where I was seen as a laughing stock

[Asker]

When I say that, I was visiting hookers publicly, and getting seen doing it
And feeling guilty for that, ashamed
And thinking people were taking about me I asked someone
And then because I asked them I felt I had caused confusion
So stupid
Then I felt hold on why do I feel so bad
I will just tell my story
And like you saying why talk about these things, I created a hilarious situation
But I blame society for making sex such built up thing
Like how many teenagers tell people, yes we're doing it and it's okay?
I mean I didn't think it was okay
Or that it would be okay
Am I making sense?
I had lots of girlfriends but going all the way just felt a step too far.

[Asker]

When you say
You don't understand why people talk about these things.. That's why I got the reaction
Because people don't talk
And now by talking, I'm the idiot
I'm the source of amusement
That's why I keep asking here why sex is taboo
Like if people had talked about it when I was growing up I would have felt so frightened by it
Get me?

[Asker]

Maybe I'm autistic 🙂
I'm beginning to think I am as I get older
And that's one of the traits, speaking about inappropriate things

[Asker]

Maybe you think within families these things can be discussed?

But not outside

Certainly wasn't discussed openly on my family

There was this weird thing my mother used to do with us boys
Under the topic is sex education she had a book of diagrams
But her main "take away"was that you had to be in love with the girl

And that always confused me. Even now I don't remember ever "being in love".
So it became a hurdle too high

[Asker]

Hey Thanks SueShe
Valuable advice
You're kinda closed off
But you are protecting yourself
Don't you get lonely?

[oldman26]

Let it go

[Asker]

Yes you're right
Bringing it up again just causes more awkwardness
I was going to go to counseling
But I think just sit with things