How do you get over your partner’s long sexual history?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend used to hook up with a lot of girls, he even hooked up with a flight attendant once… it makes me uncomfortable knowing how he used to sleep around and he would proceed to ghost the girls right after hooking up 1-2x. He even had one of his ex’s best friend as a fuck buddy after they broke up.

This was back in his early 20s though and he hasn’t hooked up with anyone else the past 5 years or so (even way before we met) but I can’t help to be bothered by his past and how he used to treat those girls. Thinking about it makes me anxious and I’m too scared to ask him about the details or other things that he might have done.

He’s changed now and he treats me and his last two ex girlfriends with great respect so how can I accept and move on from his past?

[Effably]

When I was five I ate loudly, when a little younger even with an open mouth sometimes. Today I don't.

The me of today is a much more important representative of who I am than the me when I was five.

You can worry. You could also view it the complete other way. He has been there, done that. He is here with you now by choice. When he is allowed to choose what he wants and who he wants to be he chose the present him who is your partner.

I never had to get over it because it never truly bothered me. But if I did have to that is how I would go about it. Flipping the script and asking myself what it means that they are now who they are.

[Asker]

That’s very true, he’s a great and loving boyfriend with me now so that’s what I should be focusing on. Thank you!

[Fireguy17]

Everyone has a past of some sort.
Sex partners are no different.
So your partner had more partners than you, does that make them a bad person?
So if you had a partner that had fewer partners than you, then they could could make the same assumptions about you.
Focus on the present, not the past.
You can't go back and change the past, but it is quite possible you may end up being his last sex partner.
Which would you prefer?

[Asker]

Yep I just found out about his past literally today after he told me and I just need some time to digest it but I won’t change my feelings for him in any way. I agree that I should focus more on the present and the future and not worry about the past, thank you!!

[juniorJack]

Yesterday is history tomorrow is your history to make together..
The past is memories and that is that… he remembers, good!
If he needs to talk about it and it bothers you tell him to book into a councillor and talk it out.. you do need space to digest, but believe me when someone starts telling you there past there are some stones you wish they didn’t turn over.

[Asker]

I’m glad he feels safe enough with me to share his past and talk about his regrets, he said his exes have always judged him for it so he never really opened up. You’re right, I just need some time to digest it then I’ll move on 😌

[Honesttguy]

Question you wanted to ask is, how can i face reality for what it is and not live in my fantasy world? Great question glad u askedI dont know if u were guy i could say have some balls but u dont have them so, take cold showers for a month to strengthen inner fire wich allows to face reality head on and not run like little sissy dog. Your welcome, any more questions ask away

[LemonsAsks]

you should be able to ask your partner anything. at least thats my belief but also how long have you been together?

[Asker]

Yep he said I could ask him about anything but I don’t want to ask questions I don’t want to hear the answer to lol. We’ve been together about 1.5 years now

[LemonsAsks]

fair enough. i can tell you sometimes people just have a troubled past have bizarre ways of cooping. maybe he's one of those people. maybe he had a family death and just needed to not feel the best way he knew.

[Asker]

Yeah his parents were going through a brutal divorce and he ended up hanging with the wrong crowd, got heavily into drugs and stuff. I'm glad he's not hiding it from me but it is just a bit shocking tbh I still love him the same way tho

[LemonsAsks]

he's better now tho yea? and he's got you n what not. keep em sane

[Asker]

He has definitely changed for the better yeah, I’m still trying to process his past but I’ll look past it eventually. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it!

[LemonsAsks]

hope things pan out homie

[Anonymous]

If the genders were reversed, many male gagers would call you a beta simp. Think about it. Why would you do that to yourself when he even makes it obvious what a used hoe he is. He may also have stds. So fucking ruuun!!!

[Opinion Owner]

Dont listen to the idiots who tell you that you should mind your business. These f**** would not say the same bs if the genders were reversed. I understand how you feel.

[Asker]

That’s true, there’s a double standard… I mean he didn’t really sleep around a lot (his body count is under 10 in total) but it’s the fact the he treated his past hookups as sex objects and he talked shit on then right after they hooked up is what bothers me. He got checked and he’s clean thankfully so I don’t gotta worry about that at least lol

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok lol but still be careful. Maybe he did not change it but hide from you. But in the end it is your decision

[Asker]

Yeah I’m still kinda sus but I won’t jump to conclusions bc so far he seems genuine but thanks for looking out for me babes xx

[Jamie05rhs]

You're rewarding him for his behavior by being his girlfriend. You're the one who has to live with that morally. It's none of my business, though.

[Asker]

He has definitely changed for the better so I’m giving him a chance. It’s just the past is hard to swallow sometimes but as long as he’s proving to me that he’s changed then I’ll continue to stick by his side. Thank you for the input tho, much appreciated!

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay; cool. :)

You're welcome!

[BLP11520]

Well when I found out about my wife's past I was not thrilled at all. She hide and still has hidden a lot from me. I will spare you the details. I regret my marriage but not my 2 sons.

[Asker]

Oh man that sucks… sorry you had to go through that. But how did you end up coping with your wife’s past?

[BLP11520]

Well it wasn't easy, without going into details I decided to tough it out. When we had 2 sons it was good and bad at the same time. She can be mean for no reason maybe because of her early life? I would not be considered a mean person by most people at all. I hate arguing since growing up in that kind of environment.

[Asker]

You don’t deserve that but it’s amazing how you managed to tough it up for your sons. I wish you nothing but the best for the future!

[BLP11520]

Thanks , I spared you all the details.. not an easy life.

[In_Trance]

I think you've posted this before because this sounds very familiar.
The resolution never changes; his past is none of your business.

[Asker]

Maybe someone else has posted about something similar. I just found out about his past today lol he decided to open up to me about it so I’m grateful that he’s willing to share that with me and I just gotta move on from it. It’s just a bit shocking to learn about his past especially since he’s the complete opposite now

[Anonymous]

You just ignore it. It is none of your business anyway.

[Asker]

Yeah I’m trying. He was the one that told me about it bc he said he feels comfortable enough with me to share, he never told any of his other exes and I could see why lol

[Kaamraj]

A man who can hook up with lots of girls is a high value man and respected by society and other women, it's a phenomenon called preselection. Women want to be with men who other women want to be with.

[Asker]

Not true but okay thanks

[Kaamraj]

It's generally true, to have sex with a woman, a man must bring some value to the table.

[Wise4myage]

You either accept it or you don't and move on.

[Asker]

All truth

[Browneye57]

And you actually believe his bullshit. OMFG

[Asker]

I don’t see any reason why he would lie about his past haha

[Browneye57]

He will ALWAYS fuck around. You'll see.

[Iron_Man]

You don’t you don’t get involved with her