How do you deal with a family member who responds condescendingly to normal questions?

[Anonymous]

A close family member of mine gets a tone and makes you feel stupid for everything you ask. The other day his cousin called him and left a message. The next day I asked if he called his cousin back and he answered with a condescending tone. First like. What? What could you possibly mean? Then I explained because they just called you and he answers with another tone.. why would I call them?

It's hard to express it over text, but basically a tone like you just asked the stupidest question when in reality it's a relavant, simple question to an event that just happened. There is no feelings or anything attached to this conversation that should warrant him acting. It was a basic neutral question.

He does this all the time to the point we have called him out on it as it's happening. He just plays dumb like he has no idea what you are talking about, but then does the same thing again next time. Nothing gets solved. Does anyone know anyone like this. How do you fix it?

Updates

1 mo

Thanks for the good advice. I still feel he is a good person but this is just a weakness of his.

[Friendlybro79]

You fix it by not talking to this person. He's being a douche and then tries to gas light you and say it's not happening.

If it's family and completely unavoidable then keep it to as minimal as possible and literally ignore him. If he asks you why are you avoiding me or not talking tell him the truth. Tell him you're not pleasant to talk to, you don't take responsibility for how poorly you treat others, and then deny your shit behavior and gas light us when you're called out for it.

Don't tip toe around him, don't let him have power over you. Then you have two options. You can say if you want to interact with me you will cut this bull shit out. If you can't don't bother talking to me and move on. Also, you need to stay out of his other relationships. For ex the cousin ex has nothing to do with you. Let the cousin handle his own life unless it's a very special scenario. If the cousin is able to take care of himself then stay out of it.

You don't fix grown adults that behave this way. You can tell them your boundaries and it's in their hands if they can decide to properly engage you in healthy conversations.

[Friendlybro79]

Regarding your update. Out of curiosity why do you think he's a good person and this is just a weakness? Not doubting your comment just curious. Treating people poorly isn't a weakness it's bad behavior that should not be tolerated.

You're asking for how to deal and fix this. What do you think you can do since you're accepting him as he is. How do you think you fix someone like this? Pretend like you have to answer this with more than I don't know.

[Nikki1989]

Condescension is usually a defence mechanism that masks their own insecurities. If you react with anger, they can frame you as "overly sensitive." Respond in a completely flat, neutral tone or just ignore. Some people are just not worth investing the time.

[RachyRach]

Family doesn't mean they automatically get to be a part of your life. Cut them off if needs be. Don't let them disrespect you.

[EmmaMary]

Fortunately we do not have such idiotic family members.

[Anonymous]

I guess just don't bother asking? They suck and probably won't change unfortunately

[In_Trance]

Don't ask them questions