Would you try reclaiming a friendship damaged by a bad guy -- and if so, how would you do it?

[DishLady]

Those few of you who have been following my questions know I've entered the dating pool for the first time in a very good long while. I hadn't intended to, but a fellow popped into my life about two years ago and smacked my world off its axel. I gave him way too many chances bc of his sister, who has been a good friend of mine for ~15-20 years.

His sister was happy about the connection. She tried to help me see his pov, she asked if I was OK a few times, but the last thing he did was too much. Total dealbreaker. So I cut him loose, returned anything I had that was his and put up the Game Over flag. This made the sister feel awkward about talking to me again.

The guy and I have had a few small encounters/spats since then, but specifically bc his mom has approached me a few times to make peace and because the sister is a good friend who I value having in my life.

I have to try to reboot the friendship with the sister and mom without dealing with the guy anymore. Advice?

[exitseven]

I have has a couple of couples that broke up and I had to choose which one I wanted to remain friends with. That is the nature of the beast. If the sister cannot deal with that then you should give up.

[DishLady]

Yeah but this is his Soter. She can’t really choose a side. I have told her look, I don’t want to discuss your brother, but I still want to be friends with you. (She was with me through a lot.) I lost a lot the past two years. I don’t want to lose my friend also, you know?

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[DishLady]

Ofc. Sorry for my typos.

[exitseven]

@DishLady I can't type either.

[OlderAndWiser]

Invite them out for a girls’ dinner and take a few minutes to explain that you value their friendship but don’t want any more contact with Doofus.

[DishLady]

I've done that already. I ran into her by accident and she referred to "stupidhead" with regard to a call that came through from her mom, who wanted to know if she was on her way. She saw I was polite and didn't ask about or respond to her name-calling. I asked about her mom instead. She knows I don't want contact with doofus. She sees that I'm continuing to interact with the family as normal. Just the guy... needs to stay away and stop messing with me.

[DishLady]

It's taking a while to get used to the new order. She's possibly upset bc I'm the first gal she approved of... the mom too.

[DishLady]

Nearly doofus-free convo with sis finally. I’m happier than I’ve been since I met doofus bc I can feel the friendship with sis is on the mend.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[RachyRach]

That's hard. Especially if they're a close-knit family

[DishLady]

They weren’t, they used to fight all the time before he and I met up. He started hanging more with his sister to grill her about me. It would be so sweet if he wasn’t such a crazy coward about relationships. Smh.

[RachyRach]

Sorry to hear! Sounds like this one really hit you hard

[DishLady]

It did. I admit it. But working on the dynamics with the sister. She tried today and we were fine. Hopefully it continues.

[RachyRach]

Hope so too!