Would you reach out to an old friend who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

About two years ago, my then best friend stopped talking to me. We did not have a fight, argument, nothing. I called her one day and she just ignored my call. When her birthday came up, I sent her a text telling her happy birthday and she just said "thanks". After we stopped talking, a couple weeks after that, she tried to get in contact with me by asking a mutual friend for my number because she messed up but I was so hurt that I told the mutual friend not to give her my number. I did not do anything wrong to her. My former friend was pregnant at that time and I wonder if her emotions had to do with anything. I have been recently thinking about my ex-friend and how much I miss her. I want to reach out to her but I don't know if I should. Should I try to contact her again?

[tohrment]

I'm generally rather unforgiving, but if I were you I'd give her another shot. Pregnancy hormones were probably making her delusional.

I had a similar situation straight outta HS. My best friend believed something that another girl said and stopped talking me. I didn't try to defend myself or anything cos I figured that if she wasn't going to confront me about it, or more importantly prove that it was real, it wasn't worth the hassle. About a year later she found out the truth and apologized to me. We met up again, and she's back to being as close as she was before. Thinking about her behavior still upsets me, but at the end of the day we have a stronger relationship because of it.

SOME people deserve a second chance. It doesn't sound like your friend did anything too terrible. She was probably just having a tough time.

[Asker]

thats what I thought too, but then others said if I reach out and she rejects me then it will hurt even worse. I'm just so lost I don't know which way to go

[tohrment]

If you contact her keep it casual initially, just so you can get a feel of where she's at. If she's responding, open up a bit so you can get past things. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better to take the risk than let something valuable go because you're scared of getting hurt again, you know?

[Asker]

I don't have her phone number, I have her email and I was gonna send her a message, so how could I start it off?

[tohrment]

Just be like, "Hey, we haven't spoken in a while and I thought I'd see how you were doing. I'm sorry I told (?) not to give you my number, I was just a little upset that you weren't talking to me/seeing me. Here's my number: (#), give me a text sometime." - or something

[Asker]

I will go for it, like you said take the risk. Thank you so much. you have been a great help.

[tohrment]

You're welcome. I guess this will prove whether or not she's a good friend, and it's best to know. I wish you the very best :)

[Asker]

thanks so much

[chin_ita93]

i've been a situation like that...and I did reach out my friend BUT she just did the same thing again. I really don't recommend that you do...

[Asker]

did your friend say you did anything to her, that's why she stopped talking to you?

[chin_ita93]

no I didn't do anything..she stopped talking to me because her girlfriend didn't like..WHAT A FRIEND...so ya..i just wouldn't go there

[Asker]

yea I definitely wont, thanks

[chin_ita93]

no problem :)

[Korrupt96]

been in a close situation but not for a week or two that she ignored me it was a whole 5 months , reached her out few times but it was useless she was totally avoiding me

2 months after I gave up on her she starts texting me trying to restore our friendship saying that she missed me and I can't believe I fell on the same trap again and just after couple days she becomes cold and response less , I give up on her once again and she comes back telling me she's missing me ?!?!

bottom line : based on my experience I would NEVER get involved with that person ever again unless if I find a convincing excuse for what he did to me.

[Asker]

i understand. I guess I miss the friendship because we were really close, and I kinda want to know the reason why she stopped talking to me.

[Korrupt96]

If there's no reason at all for what she did and if she doesn't try to reach you out or explain herself in any possible way you should just try to forget her and move on.

Other than that you'll end up hurting yourself even more you might even lose some of your confidence/self respect if you try to reach her out and get ignored.

[Asker]

yea that's true I didn't even think of me losing some self respect. Thank you for all your help, I really appreciate it

[Korrupt96]

glad I could help ^_^

[iXenomorph]

No.

[Asker]

why you say that

[iXenomorph]

Because I'm cold, hard, and merciless.