Why do parents force older kids to give fake, insincere apologies?

[Danielle93]

When you're looking for a partner, we want a decent person that admits their wrongs. We always expect that from others, honesty and hate hypocrisy and liars. Ok so far so good.

So why force older children to apologize and be pushy about it? Then when the kid is apologizing, they say it in a bad moody, they're clearly reading the script and not even looking at the person and it's never sincere. If the older child (ages 8-13), bullied a classmate then that was done deliberately and obviously they're not going to be sorry. That sounds like raising a liar without empathy that'll only apologize when caught and never mean it for feel it.

Personally, my parents and I are the types that think an apology not coming from the heart Is worthless. Waste of breath in those forced, fake words.

[Coercion_Is_Trauma]

It's not just worthless but harmful. ㅤ

[Danielle93]

Ironically they want to raise a decent person with values but they're raising liars.

[HollyK21]

I mean, I get the ideation around making a bully apologize for slapping some poor little kid down, or telling Ben to apologize to Jane for putting gum in her hair. They should feel bad for doing things like that and it’s problematic when and if they don’t. I just think those parents need more affective ways teaching their kids that bad behavior does have consequences, and in most cases they don’t get to opt of of said-consequences whether they’re sorry for it or not.

[Nikki1989]

I would assume they are old-fashioned in their ways.

[Danielle93]

yeah and they don't realize that they're raising liars that only aplogize and comply to avoid getting caught, not out of integrity

[NathanDavis]

not all lessons are learned in the moment, so keep that in mind...

yes, in the moment it can be intense, emotional and all that... regret, reason, perspective... all of that can come later

an apology is also a social norm... and social norms are important, yes, and it is meant to de-escalate conflict as well

and it can make a big difference among people who are not related

[Danielle93]

I guess I was raised differently. My parents put so much value towards honesty (even if it hurts) that to them they would'd rather deal with an apologetic jerk than a forced, fake sorry speech.

[NathanDavis]

yes, sure

but also... a lot of people deal with jerks in different ways

if you aggravate someone and don't feel sorry about it, people just punch you or slap you, or worse... you get shot

"sincere honesty" can get you killed when you value it more than just getting along better

[Anonymous]

Because regardless of the sentiment at the time. Those kids will likely grow up to have kids of their own. This reduces the chance those kids end up in prison.😆

[Paige2006]

Because it's good manners

[Danielle93]

Being a liar and only saying sorry to avoid trouble is good manners?

[Paige2006]

That isn't always the reason you apologize

[Danielle93]

True. Though the way I was raise, we value honesty so much. An honest unapologetic jerk would still sound better than someone fake-nice that's not really sorry.

[MasterKS]

some parents are so weird.