Is it ever right to force a child to apologize when they don't feel sorry at all?

[Anonymous]

I hate that. I was once forced to apologize or else I would get a spanking if I didn't.

I think apologies should come from the heart because you really mean them (otherwise what's the point if the child is going to say sorry with an attitude or only do it to get out of trouble), not because you're forced by your teacher or because your mother is going to get the sandal or wooden spoon if you don't.

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

Mom didn't care when I gave the apology with somewhat of an attitude as a kid. She only wanted me to apologize or it would be a spanking. I only did it because I didn't want a spanking... I didn't mean anything in that fake apology. I was pissed.

Updates

+1 y

Ironically, parents and teachers always preach about being honest. Well forcing a child to apologize isn't being honest right there.

[Blackcupcake]

forcing a child to apologise when they’re not feeling apologetic does not help with the issue. if you feel like your child did something wrong, then you should be talking to them, explaining and teaching them why that is wrong, and what is right. once they understand the difference, they will know that their actions was wrong. that is what will cause for them to feel apologetic and apologise, knowing that what they did was wrong. but how does one apologise for something that they do not know is wrong or why it’s wrong?

[Smashingdoozy]

I think if an apology is taking place because the other option is being abused it's not genuine. Kids should be taught why something is not okay and why we apologize when we do something wrong. Not instill fear in them to force them to apologize without really understanding why they need to.

[Asker]

yeah I hated when my mom used to do that. It was either apologizing or getting the wooden spoon. I learned nothing but how to become more sneakier and become a better liar. Ironically is she used to be like the teachers and other parents preaching about how it's important being honest, lol.
Well by installing fear of punishment, she was telling me to lie.

[Smashingdoozy]

Yep. Luckily most of us hopefully learn from our parents mistakes.