Am I wrong for keeping my sister-in-law away from my baby after years of boundary-crossing?

[itslizx3]

I have a sister-in-law I have chosen not to have a relationship with after years of uncomfortable and inappropriate behavior. This includes making a racial joke about me when we barely knew each other, repeatedly crossing personal boundaries, involving my partner in unnecessary drama and unsafe situations (trying to get him into physical fights), maintaining relationships with and bringing up women from his past, ignoring major events in our lives such as our engagement and my miscarriage, and a history of alcohol-related behavior and situations that I personally do not feel comfortable around.

I've reached a point where I can be civil with her at family events, well tbh I just ignore her all together now, but I don't want a personal relationship with her.

Now I'm pregnant, and this has become a much bigger issue because I do not want her around my baby after I give birth, despite the fact that this baby will be her niece. I don't want her visiting at the hospital, coming over to see the baby, holding her, or having an independent relationship with her. I also don't want pictures or information about my daughter being shared with her or with people from my partner's past.

I understand that she's my fiance's sister and my child's aunt, and I'm not asking my partner or his family to stop loving her or having their own relationships with her. But I don't believe the title of "aunt" automatically gives someone access to a child.

For me, becoming a mother means I'm responsible for deciding who I feel comfortable having around my daughter. After everything that's happened over the years, I don't feel comfortable with her being one of those people.

Am I wrong for maintaining that boundary even though she's the baby's aunt?

[melnc]

Yeah, I get it she's family. But at some point, she's gonna be around. Completely shutting her out could cause problems between you and your partner, and honestly, he probably won't be okay with that either. On top of that, your family and his family might blame you for how you're handling this. So you gotta be wise and smart about it. If she's around as part of a family gathering, that's fine and you can deal with that. But if it's just her on her own, then yeah, you have every right to not want to see her face.


I know your relationship with her isn't great. But sometimes you gotta pick your battles, not for her sake, but for your own. Because you're the bigger person here, and you know when to let things slide and when to stand your ground. You're better than that. Don't let her pull you down to her level.

[Abbycado]

Ultimately, it is your family and your child.

[slatyb]

How does your partner feel about her?

[MasterKS]

Its your personal choice.

[Pterodon]

No you’re not