My new girlfriend's mom is sick with cancer. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My new girlfriend, not even sure where are relationship is to be honest, told me last week on our 3rd date that her mother was having surgery for cancer. I want to be available for her but we are still very new in our relationship. We definitely have a good conection, we went out on our second date and then the next day I went to her place and spent the night at her place we both fell asleep on the sofa in each others arms. I know she is going through a lot with her mother and told her that I'm available anytime. Also we message each other or talk everyday for a bit. I want to be there for her, but I am not sure what's appropiate.

Updates

+1 y

So we had for lunch last weekend, obviously her mind wasn't in it which I knew but thought she could use a break. Since however I have continued to message her everyday just to makesure she is OK and I ask about her mother every couple of days. I'm concerned about her and her mother but I feel I can't do much. I noticed that I been contacting her first lately which is fine but am not sure if she wants me to, she seems a bit distant and I don't blame her. Not sure if I should keep contacting her?

[dauglytruth]

first and foremost, put the relationship on the backburner. what she will need is a shoulder to lean on or someone to confide in. I can tell from here you genuinely care. here is a few things you can do for her. send roses or something to the family letting them know they are in your prayers. during a time like this, regular house duties get neglected. her mom and dad(if he's still around) would appreaciate if they had a clean home or cleaned up yard to come home to. run any errands like picking up groceries or pickin up some movies from her mom to watch while she rests at home. just let her know your available for whatever her and or her family will need.but you must do this under the notion that this isn't for selfish gain. if that is so, then those true colors will expose you. only do it, if its from a giving heart. then and only then will the gift be truly accepted and felt.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

I really don't think you need any other answers for this question.

[csprankle]

I completely agree with dauglytruth I was going to say almost the same thing. All you can really do is be there for her in the time of need.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer, we have put our relationship on hold for the time being. I did tell her that if she needs someone I will be available. I also told her while at the hospital if she needs a break and wants to have a coffee or lunch I would meet her anytime. The problem is her parents don't know about me and her, we both come from East Indian descent and she probably doesn't want to tell her parents yet, and now with this I don't think she would tell them soon now.

[-Asmo-]

If I were you I'd just keep checking up on her and asking about her mum. You don't want to take her away from her mum at this time but sometimes people just need a bit of a psychological break so when free opportunities present themselves ask her if she wants to go out and get a coffee (something quick so it doesn't look imposing). Also, maybe invite the dad as well. Also perhaps offer to take the whole family to dinner sometimes because it would be nice for them not to have to cook or deal with domestic things that have likely become harder. If they turn you down on things a couple of times, understand that maybe they aren't comfortable with it and just give them space.

[Matrim]

In situations like this si when someone thinks less about a relationship and more about being a good human being. Basically think of her mother like a distant-close family member. See if they need anything around the house. Ask if you can visit her to check how she is. Tell them that if they need anything that you would be happy to help. Drop by some groceries or something...

[Asker]

As I mentioned to dauglytruth, I would love to help out more but I really can't do much or at least I feel like it. My mother had cancer and I can relate to her to certain degree. Even when we started dating she was stressed and you can see it, also she told me she wasn't planning on telling me and that she hasn't told many people except her 2 best friends. I just would love to be able to do more but am not sure how since her parents don't know about us.