Why is my mom playing matchmaker?!?! it's so freaking annoying and deprecating!

[Anonymous]

My Asian mother has supposedly been trying to set me up with this really nerdy Asian guy who is a Harvard graduate...Thing is I'm not really attracted to Asian men.

She believes that I can't find a man on my own, and thinks I'll bring home a "black guy" or some player.

I told her that I am into white guys, but she tells me white guys don't start relationships with Asian women who have nothing special to offer to them (money, status, whatever)...Is this true?

She's trying to set me up with really unattractive guys with a great educational background. I don't want to sound shallow or anything, but looks really do play a role in being attracted to a guy. The only guys that do approoach me are mostly Hispanic and black guys, which my mom would chop my head off if she realized I was dating one. White guys don't approach me for some reason...!

Is it true that white guys only go for the really attractive Asian girls?

How can I get one of them to approach me? : (

I really don't want to start approaching guys myself because I'm terribly shy!

My mom's constant urges to match me up really REALLY ugly Asian guys is getting on my nerves and it's kind of lowering my self esteem a bit, like she doesn't think I can get a guy on my own :(

[guynowinfrance]

lol :) I know what you mean. I look black, but my mom was Asian too. My father appeared to be white, but his grandmother was partially black and his father was half black and half jewish. After tons of testing, it has been proven that I am indeed my father's son. I may be a "black sheep" but I'm way sexier :).

Matchmaking is part of most Asian cultures. Marriage used to be more for making families more powerful or stable than individual happiness. One of my Chinese friends married a man her family picked. He is an A** Hole, but well educated and he holds a job. However, she is very unhappy and overwhelmed with 2 children. Her career has all but ended as well. However, her family considers the marriage to be a great success; especially with 2 sons, a house near DC, 2 cars, etc.

As a man often labeled as Black, I can tell you that you would have a harder life with a black man unless you lived in France or Canada. Black men face significant danger and discrimination and most can't handle it and still be successful. The violence against them is random. Search YouTube for 17 year old black teen shot, or White Teens Murder Black Man. Most of the violence against black men is kept out of the mainstream media before 12AM to reduce rioting and international human rights issues. Black women don't even want black men these days. I used to try to get married, but no one would take me. White women often use me for sex, comfort, and affection, but will never marry me.

Anyway...

Most guys are so desperate and shy, you could probably just pick any man you want.

An Asian woman just married one of the richest men in the world and he is very white.

I don't know what she does for him, but she must do it well. She looks average or a little below average. He is the co-founder of Facebook.

What to do?

1. Make sure your clothes are elegant instead of the usual normal look or overly revealing look.

2. Make sure the white guy is respectful. Learn to spot the eyes of a killer / rapist versus the eyes of a real man.

3. Go to places where quality men go; museums, live music, high classed gyms, skiing, technology conferences, high-end electronics stores, etc.

4. Try wearing a suit and if you have something to say practice it and say it well.

5. Respect and value yourself. Men are repelled by low self-esteem unless they want to take an unfair advantage then leave quickly.

6. Practice your smiles and practice NOT ever frowning. Most guys don't approach women who are not smiling. Always be optimistic.

7. Make your scent vanilla, french vanilla, gardenias, or something similar, but not too heavy.

8. Make sure your teeth are clean when you smile.

9. Know something impressive such as the difference between RISC and CISC CPUs and the history of apple devices using RISC, then switching to Intel CISC.

10. Play the cello

11. Grow very long hair

12. Smile and make eye contact with men you like. If his eyes are kind, do it again. If he smiles or seems afraid, say hi.

[TheUglyOne]

Well, no one is totally unattractive, I'm gonna wager you are probably more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. Anyway, tell your mom to back off, you are an adult, you will make your own choices especially about something as important as who you are dating! Your mom sounds racist, sorry, but she only wants you to be with an Asian guy, what she said about white guys isn't true for most. And if the guy is decent, attractive, has a good job, so what if he is black? Really now!

Because I'm probably, more, ugly than those Asian guys your mom is trying to fix you up, I'm more inclined to not approach really attractive Asian women. Luckily for me, my wife is the type of person who goes after whatever she wants and doesn't take no for an answer.

[LilKim]

No? link

[LilKim]

link

[TheUglyOne]

LOL. And I've seen women like those have dates and even husbands. :P

[PoeticNinja]

"No one is totally unattractive." - Maury said "That's a lie!"

[Asker]

thing is I'm not into black or Hispanic guys, either...i just don't know why she is rushing this, like she wants me to get married even before I graduate college...

she probably thinks I'll remain single forever if there's no mama intervention.

[TheUglyOne]

I just think she wants you to have a dorky but educated Asian husband lol. But maybe she does think that too, I don't know her, you do. Anyway, it's the 21st century, you decide, and like PoeticNinja says, don't be so shy haha.

@PoeticNinja lol well they don't get any uglier than me and I've done pretty well, so there!

[PoeticNinja]

Oh, yeah. No uglier, huh? Yet, you decided to go shirtless. Good choice! Haha

[TheUglyOne]

I'm talking about my face haha! I'm kinda proud of my physique considereing I was once very fat.

[PoeticNinja]

And you are married... Thanks for keeping hope alive for us unattractive people then. I salute you.

[1-3-2-4]

I have to ask this question but why are Asian mothers so hell bent on which race they want the daughter to date (mostly the women) Sounds like someone can't move forward!

[TheUglyOne]

@poeticNinja - That's why I am here, to give hope and encouragement - and I saw your pics you aren't unattactive in the least!

@1-2-3-4 - a common thing, especially in the middle east. Mothers (usually not the fathers though) make the arranged marriages. I knew more than one poor hapless Arab man who went off to marry a woman he detested by could not say no.

[udolipixie]

Why is my mom playing matchmaker?

Probably because she thinks she's good at it or that you need a guy as many think gals aren't functioning worthwhile human beings without a guy.

I told her that I am into white guys, but she tells me white guys don't start relationships with Asian women who have nothing special to offer to them (money, status, whatever)...Is this true? It's true for some white guys I highly doubt it's true for most white guys considering how many of them travel overseas to get an Asian gal and usually those gals don't have money or status.

Is it true that white guys only go for the really attractive Asian girls?

Going for the really attractive seems to be true of guys of any race with guys tending to go for the really attractive gals while being willing to settle for above average and dreading average gals

How can I get one of them to approach me?

Probably best suited to work on your shyness and approach them.

[Asker]

but why?!?! why do some Asian girls get approached by all the cute guys, while I'm left with the scumbags/weirdos?

[udolipixie]

Probably because those gals have guys attracted to them who act on it or they look more approachable then you.

Seems to get what you want you're going to have to approach rather than wait to be approached by some guy who fits your standards.

[Asker]

why why why?!?!?!

[udolipixie]

Because guys aren't approaching you so if you want them then it's best to approach them.

[Asker]

why aren't they approaching me...

[udolipixie]

Plenty of possible reasons though most likely it's either they're not attracted to you or you don't look approachable.

Seems they're going to remain not approaching you and you'll end up with an unattractive Asian guy as you're highly unwilling to simply approach the guys you want.

[Asker]

an unattractive Asian guy, or the only guys that do approach me which are the weird and or black guys...sigh.

[udolipixie]

Or you can approach the guys you want.

[Asker]

that's so out of character for me.

[Saint-Nana]

LOL this is the story of my life. It's like I typed it out myself (except black and Hispanics arnt that into me). Nerdy guys approach me because I look like an anime cartoon character for better or worse. Have you tried online dating?

[PoeticNinja]

Prove her wrong and go get yourself a hot white chocolate.

You're going to have to get over your shyness to end all this matchmaking nonsense.

[Asker]

ugh, id rather shoot myself thatn approach a guy

[PoeticNinja]

My mother is doing the same. Just keep saying no, putg up with it. She'll get the hint.

Mothers like that can be very presistent.

[Asker]

FML. why did god make me asian.

[PoeticNinja]

Well, be glad that you are 100% Asian. :) lucky you.

[Asker]

be glad that I'm 100% asian...ummmm, that's worse than being 99.99% asian.

[Moloch]

What's funny is parents are usually right. The guys she's picking you're probably better off dating because they have their priorities straight and are definitely going somewhere in the world.

[Asker]

of course its all for the best...but there's no physical attraction involved whatsoever

[Moloch]

Well that's on you. Do you give these guys a chance or do you just avoid them in general because of their appearance. Gotta give the personality a chance, I hear women care more about personality than looks.

[TheUglyOne]

There has to be some physical attraction, preferably a lot to expect the relationship or marriage to last or be happy, even with very compatible personalities. It's just the way it is, if she's not attracted to any of the guys she should be forced to give them a chance!

[Moloch]

LOL I know. I was just proving one of my points that so many people on GAG refuse to acknowledge.

[Asker]

there has to be at least a bit of attraction involved, but most of the guys that approach me are idiots AND on top of that, unattractive

[Moloch]

People that go to Harvard are not idiots. Unattractive maybe, but not idiots.

[Asker]

i meant the guys that approach me in school, not guys my mom sets me up with

[Moloch]

OH WELL.

[Anonymous]

white guys like anything that isn't black or I think your good LOL

[Asker]

really? I thought they had higher standards

[Opinion Owner]

no ... they don't really they don't .. but then again it depends on which guy you talk to .. come to germany you will find a german like flys find poop ... really

[Anonymous]

I guess she's just looking to help you...