I friendzoned myself. help?

[Anonymous]

Been talking to a guy for a month, every day. he seemed very keen, we planned on meeting up for a first day. Then during a disagreement I started I said that we need to be just friends numerous times. He never agreed, I never took it back. Then a day later I try talking to him again, changing the subject, hoping to get back to the way we were and he replies 'as gutting as this is, I think you're right about us being friends' . This upset me bt I realize its my fault for suggesting it in the first place, so I reply 'ok'. Since then we still talk a lot, just not constantly like before, I don't want to be just friends but I worry that if I tell him that then he'll reject me. Is it more likely he said the friends thing simply because I said it first without taking it back? is there a chance he could have second thoughts considering how keen he was on me in the first place? '

Updates

+1 y

date* not day

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah this guy sounds like he liked you and you rejected him by saying the friend thing. If you want to ever have a shot with this guy in the future you'll need to tell him your true feelings otherwise things will never change. You already rejected him once, so he won't try again and he's also not a mind reader and can know you didn't mean what you said. If you're serious about him then yes, tell him. He can reject you but then at least he knows how you really feel and in time he may start getting feelings for you again and then it will be easier to progress because he'll know you liked him for real. Is it more likely he said the friends thing simply because I said it first without taking it back? Well it depends on whatever you said to him during the conversation you had. He could have taken offense to something and acted like that in defense. People sometimes say things that they didn't think through especially if they are reacting on emotions. He could have felt upset. Is there a chance he could have second thoughts considering how keen he was on me in the first place? Yes there could be a chance. If he really liked you a lot then he likely will still have some sort of feelings for you. If he was to reject you after you told him the truth now I'll tell you to just be patient and give him time to think.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your input. I was an idiot and said that is a player and I don't want to be played. The past few weeks he has shown himself to be anything but a player. It was after I apologised for calling him that he then said that I'm right about the friends thing.

[XRabbitHeartX]

He was likely still bummed about being called a player. Guys can get quite upset when they are called that, especially if they are the opposite of that in real life. It can be interpreted as being really offensive and probably hurt him too. Honesty is the best policy. It's time you two talk about it. Do this in person though.

[Asker]

Cheers, I just need to know were I stand as whilst we've been talking as just friends he has still flirted still just as before, I'm worried about asking him to meet up in case he rejects meeting up to talk, I have no bigger fear than rejection.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Unfortunately at some point in your life you will face reject. No one likes rejection and it's a common fear. You aren't alone in it. But you have to understand that firstly talking over text is very very messy and it's so much easier for him then to just say things to you that he doesn't mean or wouldn't say to your face. If he doesn't want to meet up, then it means he isn't interested anymore. If he was, he'd be willing to resolve things.

[XRabbitHeartX]

*rejection

[Asker]

Thanks, I'm too afraid to ask him

[XRabbitHeartX]

Meh well then nothing is ever going to change.

[Asker]

My friend said to not tell him and to carry on talking as friends then he'll warm to me more than serious stuff and will probably have second thoughts

[XRabbitHeartX]

Well then there you have it... You asked "is there a chance he could have second thoughts considering how keen he was on me in the first place" and you answered your own question then with "he'll warm to me more than serious stuff and will probably have second thoughts"

[windyCitysFinest]

seriously if a girl did that to me I would feel led on. You did make the mistake telling him you should just be friends out of anger and in time you will learn to not do that. You hurt him and rejection is something a man does not like nor take kindly to. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. Do not expect him to like you in the same light again, if he does it will take some time to earn some trust back.

[Asker]

appreciate the input...so do you think he said 'i think you're right about being mates' because I said it first?

[windyCitysFinest]

yeah it is mostly did it to probably not look like an idiot because of how much he liked you, kind of like a defense mechanism.

[Asker]

I was still messaging him since I said that though so I assumed he may have thought I'd changed my mind but then again I never took it back. we've spoken since we agreed to be mates but he didn't message me for a whole day which is the longest he hasn't bothered with me for :( do you think I should take it back? maybe?

[windyCitysFinest]

yes I would retract that statement and make him know how you feel, every detail trust me it will help if he knows exactly how you feel