The Looks Test - Proof that looks matter

Question

So I normally like to think of myself as being attractive...or at least decent. But sometimes I feel like I am fooling myself

My best friend, who just for the record is much more attractive than I am and gets A LOT more girls than I do, were bored on facebook one day so we decided to request like 15 random girls. We each requested the same ones that we both didn't know at all and see which ones would accept us.

Well...(sigh)...this was quite a blow to my already lowish self esteem because out of the 15 that I requested, only 4 accepted me...However, my friend got accepted by almost all of them. I think like 12 or 13. Some even sent him messages saying things like "hey babe, thanks for the request" or "hey your cute =)" and these were from the same ones that denied me...

Honestly when something like this happens, its kind of hard not to question your looks. I never thought of myself as ugly (5'6" 145lbs. black hair brown eyes-nothing spectacular) but after this I'm kinda devastated.

My question is if so many girls out there say looks aren't important, which is obviously the grand master lie of all lies, then why did all these random girls who didn't know either of us accept him over me? Seriously, all these girls had on judging us were pictures of what we looked like. There was nothing about our personality they could have analyzed over facebook. Hmmmm...

Mesonfielde · Accepted Answer

Because there is a list of criteria in the order of priorities.

1. Looks - he has to be at least a 6 to even care about analyzing the next stages.

2. Personality - if he messes up at least one thing on the looong list of characteristics (isn't charismatic enough, not humorous enough, not assertive enough, too bland, his interests are uninteresting, etc) then he's immediately filtered out.

This is how girls work, but it appears that girls think that guys only want to date rating 9 or 10 girls (which is obviously that way on a subjective scale, but girls don't realize that) and girls assume that judging a guy on his looks is perfectly normal. They care just as much about looks as guys, but they care even more if the guy has a "PERFECT" personality.

So yes, girls are annoyingly unaware of their own filtering system. For any more information, check out the other posts. It's funny how they consider the "looks are the base of first impression" completely normal, while guys do the same thing, but they're just more willing to compromise in terms of personality.

I asked my brother about whether he thinks girls and guys are looking for the same thing in a relationship. His answer was: "define relationship". Which is absolutely true - for a one night stand, a girl is looking for someone who seems confident enough to sex her up really hard. While guys are looking for material that are worth banging. So on these short-term one-time affairs, guys really do care more about looks, and girls really do care more about personality. But on the long run... Girls just have more criteria on personality, but judge people just as equally on looks.

superdudeman · Accepted Answer

Its not a lie.

"then why did all these random girls who didn't know either of us accept him over me?"

Theres your answer.

Because they didn't know either of you.

All things being equal, people are going to take something that has more value than something that has less. That's obvious.

However, women place more importance on behavior than looks. If you were a cooler guy than your friend, or they KNEW either of you, it would depend on which one of you displayed attractive behavior.

So when women say "looks are not important" its actually true.

Looks are't important is not saying "i like ugly dudes" or "ill sleep with a toad"

What it says is, its not "as" important as other things.

Just like most men who say "personalty isn't important"

Then ask those same men if they would be with a supermodel who never puts out?

Who acts like a total bitch, and does nothing but moan and complain?

Then suddenly personality matters. However, Looks matter MORE... to MEN.

nickel · Accepted Answer

Of course looks matter. I think I'm worth more time than some hideous f*cking chud. That being said, I also don't discount the fact that his personality can SERIOUSLY alter the playing field and can turn a 6 into an 8 (or vice versa).

The thing is; you took an amazing looking guy friend and requested the same random girls on Facebook. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN?! You know these girls are going to add you based upon looks (or based upon OMG MORE FRIENDS?!?!) and you recognize that he is better looking than you. That is like me trying on the same size jeans as my friend who is a size 4 and being pissed that her ass looks better in them than mine. Of course it does, I can't even fit the stupid jeans.

My next point is look at the type of bimbos who added him online. They really seem like great women who would ignore you at dinner. Are you really that sad that she chose to add him and not you?

You're obviously a smart, sensitive guy who has some insecurities. The insecurities are fine, everyone has them (probably including your bro) but beyond that, Welcome to the land of every girl's dream guy. Your friend is the guy they want to bone and possibly date based upon his looks. I'm sure you have the personality they want to date, but you can't expect to get winners just by looking nice.

Epiphanies · Accepted Answer

There's an obvious flaw right there. You guys didn't check to make sure your privacy settings were the same- people can probably see different part of your profiles and you guys don't realize it because there's different settings throughout the years that have changed that, maybe the more/less they could see changed how they feel. Plus your profile pictures or what you're doing in them could change whether they accept or not. Secondly, you have the comparative bias. They see his picture (better looking) and your picture (not as good looking) and they have a preference for him. You didn't mention if you had any mutual friends with them? The number of those could change. Plus, these girls may have heard about your friend already if he gets that many girls.

That being said, sure... of course people care about looks. Who in the world said they didn't? Women care less about looks than men but we're visually based creatures. We'd all be lying if we said looks weren't important at all.

pepperxo · Accepted Answer

you are completely right. looks do matter at first. if a girl has no other information about you other than your picture, then yes, looks are all she will judge. Once she meets you face-to-face however, personality matters more than looks. Looks are helpful for initial physical attraction (no relationship can be successful without physical attraction imo) but if a guy is a complete jerk or is boring, then looks will only get him so far. If an average-looking guy, however, has a great personality and is fun to be around and the girl likes spending time with him, then he'll become more attractive to her.

browolf · Answer

Yep this happens because of girls (people) ability to rationally judge limited information in a unfamiliar environment.

Ability - more like lack of

Rationally because looks matter a lot less to girls in real life

unfamiliar environment because people are used to how they judge in real life situations. When our conscious and time to think are taken up with interacting and it's left to the subconscious to judge.

There's a book about this kind of stuff. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. he utilizes the expression "thin slicing" which is dealing with limited amounts of information.

However a true test would be to wear similar clothes, have a similarly posed pictures and hide access to other pictures and information. Girls tend to be much more observant and judgmental of details anyway.

You can use a tool such as okcupid's mybestface to figure which of your pictures are more attractive: link

Robertinho · Answer

That pretty much tells you how girls are my friend...they say something but they really mean the other. Remember though the prettier ones...are the most dangerous ones in the long run, even if every single one of them would of accpeted your reqest instantly.  Nevertheless, don't compare yourself to your friend, compare yourself to no one but yourself, no matter what. You have to believe in yourself no matter what, don't get discourage, and fight on no matter what happens. This thing called life...its kind of weird but you must learn to believe in yourself and not doubt yourself over things like this. I know its easier said than done, but its not suppose to be easy, but actually hard though.  You live and learn, and with time and age...you learn to know who you are, and how to use that to make yourself a better person regardless...if you have a girl or if your single in general, good luck man.

amandamaragni · Answer

looks are very important. Its the thing that attracts you to someone at first. But you can have all the looks you want  but if you don't have a personality to back that up it will talk you no where. I wouldn't take the whole face book thing too serious, on there it is all about the looks when you don't know someone, but hey don't take it to hard. Its not that big of a deal don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you look fine. Looks aren't everything but they are a part of the total package. Don't let someone tell you that looks don't matter because they do , there just not everything

Jpartist · Answer

Dude you answered your own question. If you enter a "who's the hottest stud" picture contest, of course the best looking guy is going to win! Plus it's FACEBOOK! Go out for Fu@k sake! Learn how to attract women, then you will understand why women say looks aren't that important. Girls like a guy who they can have a good time with! If you tell yourself you're ugly then guess what, you will see yourself as ugly. Think of these people who have severe eating disorders like anorexia, they honestly think they're fat even though they're toothpicks. It's all in their heads and as long as you believe it that's all you'll see!

And by the way I'm 6 feet and FAT! But I've dated some awesome girls simply because I knew they would enjoy being with me!

Princess95 · Answer

Looks can be so important.but if you don't have a good personaity your only going to get the slags or none. but is also depends on the sort of girl there is quite a few girls tht I know tht do now care about looks what so ever including myself.Just don't let it get you down because everyones gorgeous in their own way. and who cares whos had more girls than the other it shunt matter aslong as at the end of the day you  don't go using girls and actually like them . one day you will find the perfect girl. there's one for everyone

blueeyedbelle · Answer

Yes, attraction matters. Looks matter. But only to a certain extent. Honestly, the first thing I notice about guys are looks. But if I see a cute guy who I later find out has a sh*tty personality, I have NO interest in dating him. When I fall for a guy, it's because of his personality. Yes, you have to have that spark of attraction, that chemistry. But chemistry doesn't only exist between super beautiful people.

Also, you have to remember that your experiment was over FACEBOOK! You're just asking for girls to be shallow. All they have is your picture, plus some random tidbits depending on your privacy settings. Facebook gives such a superficial presentation of yourself to other people. Keep your head up! The girl of your dreams is out there somewhere wondering when she's going to meet a guy just like you :]

Anonymous · Answer

If these girls had nothing to judge you on other than your looks, are you really surprised? Girls say looks don't matter, but when that's all you have to base a decision on, then it suddenly becomes your number one criterion.

If you have the opportunity to introduce yourself and be presented as a whole person rather than a pretty (or less pretty, as the case may be) face, however, the results might have been different. Yes, looks matter, but personality is such a huge factor. I've developed crushes on people over messageboards, for example, where I didn't know what the person looks like, and it's because of their personality and the fact that we seemed to "click".

Don't feel down about it, dude. I know it's hard not to, but trust me, there's someone out there who thinks you're gorgeous :)

TheCheshireCat · Answer

Unfortunately looks do matter to the world, people are naturally shallow.  It just goes to show humans aren't perfect, but I believe we should try to overcome our bad nature.  That is why I look past looks & look at the person on the inside.

pinkpanties · Answer

did you request the same girls? if not, may have been a biased sample. only way this would be a valid experiment is if both of you requested tons of girls each, or if you both requested the same girls. 15 is too small to come to a conclusion. however, if some random chick added you on facebook would you be more likely to accept if she was hot? I think so.

XxStrawBerryXx · Answer

black hair brown eyes? you sound cute.and looks are important. I have no idea why girls are saying that the look isn't important. maybe they're ugly and they want to comfort themselves with the "fact" that it isn't important how you look.

but anyway,don't worry. I'm sure lots of girls would like u. you just have to find them.

Twincapersred · Answer

with things like Facebook all you really get is the superficial view of people, honestly don't let it bug you. Facebook is nothing. if you're a nice guy girls will see that when they meet you in person

iceprincess777 · Answer

some girls are temperamental and some girls are more mature. it really depends on who you pick

xallyssa · Answer

Girls use looks as a first impression. I feel bad but that's just the way it is. Guys are much more hard on girls about looks and how are body shape has to be. That's much much worse.

gummybear888 · Answer

looks matter . personality matters more. obviously a Facebook request being accepted doesn't mean anything. just means maybe, those girls are more open to accepting requests from random strangers?

Anonymous · Answer

Girls are so shallow, they always judge by looks. Maybe you should treat them the same and make fun of the fugly ones while going out with the hot sluts.

Anonymous · Answer

yeah looks do matter.

Anonymous · Answer

no one said that looks don't matter

The Looks Test - Proof that looks matter

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