I've always have been and always will be a personality person. I find, even if I didn't originally think the guy was attractive, the more I get to know them the more attractive they become to me. That has never changed. And I know for a fact that men have felt that way about me.
There have been guys who had great personalities, but the chemistry just wasn't there. I don't think it has anything to do with what they look like, but more to do with incompatibility.
My definition of shallowness has more to do with allowing the opinion of others to dictate who you decide to be with. If a person goes against their heart because they fear the judgment of others - well, that's shallow. Attractiveness is subjective - we all have different ideas of what makes our heart beat faster. If the only reason not to be with someone was because their looks didn't match society's idea of what was appealing, then in my opinion, they are being shallow.
But if you're not attracted to them despite their great personality - that's preference.
Yes and No
I agree with pretty much all the other answers. If the personality is good, then that's awesome! But even though some people pretend that looks aren't important, they, in fact, are! I mean, if you thought this person was hilarious and cool to be around, but say he/she looked like a pig... would you really want to make out with a pig? The physical attractiveness [unfortunately] is an important role in a committed relationship. A person wants to feel comfortable having sex with a certain someone that they really do have a physical attractiveness to. It is shallow because that's what the world or to some, our parents and role models, have made it out to be. But the underlying factor, the truth, is that you still gave them a chance for friendship. But that's all you can see them as because you don't feel that physical attraction... I don't know if I made that hard to understand [sorry if I did] but that's about it. My opinion is yes and no.
Yes and no.
I think that sexual attraction is important. If you aren't sexually attracted to someone, it's not going to work. But I find that sexual attraction and aesthetic attractiveness don't always match up (more common for women than men, men are more visual). I don't think it's shallow to reject someone where there is no sexual attraction.
However, sometimes sexual attraction can grow. I think that if someone rejects another purely based on appearance, despite knowing what a great person they are and so on - yes, they're being a bit shallow. But preferences aren't shallow. Requirements can be. I don't think being shallow is necessarily bad - I think most people are to some degree or another.
The danger comes only when people put shallow traits (money, looks, status, etc) before personality and the person themselves.
Yes, I do. I think that what separates relationships from merely being friendships is the sexual and emotional connection you have. If you don't find someone attraction, and don't desire them - half of that is impossible. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't find me sexually attractive. I wouldn't want him to "try me out" to see if that attraction could develop. I'd rather he say he's not interested from the get-go so that I know how it is. Wouldn't you?
Well I meant in his comments from the bottom up. This one especially
"TBH, I don't know if rejecting someone for _any_ reason that matters to the person doing the rejecting is 'shallow'. Someone is 'shallow' if they reject/accept people based on ONLY one factor. But frankly, so what. IF they are _legitimate_ in being happy with that person, and make their partner happy, great."
Well, I agree. People are entitled to search for what they want. I don't know why other people are so critical of that, really. I agree, sometimes people have shallow reasoning. But at the end of the day, the only person it affects is them. I guess that's what kheserthorpe was getting at. I DO see some "requirements" as shallow and unrealistic, which I think it detrimental to the person with those standards. But I also see the importance of attraction.
Yes and no. Believe it or not, I believe everyone is shallow, just to what extent and percentage of shallow.
Take this for example, Say there is a guy?girl who has the personality you always dreamed off, but looks completely unattractive to you, like you can't stand looking at their face. How could you date someone you can't stand to look at for more then a minute? Even if you tried to dating him/her, you would be lying to him/her and yourself. It would give them false hope and faking love for them.
There is different versions of shallow, the normal, the decent amount, the up tight shallow,etc.
I know a girl who is a bit on the heavy side but demands and will only accept a guy if he's skinny/ripped. It might just be her preference but at the same time, not being lenient is what determines your shallowness. Meaning not bending some rules for the sake of reality.
Dream guys/girls are not born and just automatically destined to be with a harry or Lisa. You realize you have your dream lover when you finally open your eyes.
Don`t see it so much static, more dynamic. (dialectic) Concrete: It`s dependant to which time it happen(ed). If it will happen by the first date, that`s one thing, another if it will happen later.
If it will happen later, then it`s only a part of the totality. Totality means in this case, that there are still other reason like behavior , acting, character, feelings etc.
If it will happen by the first date, then we must accept such. We all have a special imago in our head. We are dependant from this imago if we take our feelings serious. We can`t see a relationship only with the eyes of moral.
Moral is something for to adore anyone, but crave for (desire) has mostly the first place. Desire is much dependant from the appearance. To this belongs not only the form and size of the face and body, also the mimic, the gestures, the timbre, the sound of your voice and how you speak. (quick or slowly, long sentances or short one, with attributes etc.) First this bunch/boquet makes your appearance.
Opinion
9Opinion
Shallow shouldn't mean 'cares about physical attraction'.
'Shallow' should mean 'only considers one factor, and not the person in depth'.
If you _only_ care that someone is pretty, or rich, or popular, or give bj on request, or has a good car, and don't care about the rest of them as a person, that would be shallow.
Wanting someone you connect with on many levels is not shallow.
No.
TBH, I don't know if rejecting someone for _any_ reason that matters to the person doing the rejecting is 'shallow'. Someone is 'shallow' if they reject/accept people based on ONLY one factor. But frankly, so what. IF they are _legitimate_ in being happy with that person, and make their partner happy, great.
People get to want whoever they choose.
There's nothing sh*tty about it. You know what's sh*tty? Getting into a serious relationships with someone, then feeling crushed daily because they don't actually desire you.
If she doesn't like your hair to a point she finds you unattractive, totally reasonable.
Its like going to a job interview and complaining that the only reason they didn't hire you is they thought you were stupid.
Being attractive to your partner is _relevant to being in a relationship_. Its not some weird abstract thing. Its one of the core requirements.
I wouldn't reject someone because of their hair, because hair is not _that_ critical to me. But I would reject a girl I didn't find sexually desirable. If I don't like the idea of having sex with her, I have no business dating her. 'Not being attracted' is as important as 'get along with and like' for an intimate relationship.
But who gets to define what 'something small' is? Maybe I don't care if her nose is hideous if she has a sexy ass, but someone else might feel the opposite. People decide for themselves what things are important. Now if someone wants every minor detail to be perfect, I wouldn't say they were shallow, I would say they were -picky-. But if hair matters to someone, hair matters to them.
No, actually, I suggested that a shallow person was one who _only_ chose whether or not to reject based on a small number of factors. Not going out with someone whose hair turns you off isn't shallow, dating a guy with good hair even if he's an abusive cheating a**hole would be shallow.
And you get to decide what matters to you in a partner, but everyone else gets the same choices.
I'm sure your legion fans who you reject here think the reasons your reject them are 'sh*tty'
Basically, being rejected feels sh*tty, though its a reasonable thing for someone to do, its not nice when you're the recipient of the rejection.
Anyone who gets rejected likes to lash out that the other person is 'shallow' because whatever they don't like about us 'isn't important'. People - especially young ones - like to imagine that what is important is how much we like them and would treat them well. Ironically, other young people don't appreciate that.
It only makes sense to 'disagree' if you think people don't know what really matters to them. While that sometimes may be true, its more 'picky' then shallow. You might say intelligence is important. Have you actually tried dating a sweet, cute girl who was dumb but loved you, was cheerful and treated you well?
Also realize that when someone says they won't date someone 'because of their hair' that may really mean 'absolutely nothing about you attracts me. also, I dislike your hair'.
For you, and perhaps for many people who've been through some mediocre or worse relationships with good looking people, lol.
But people have to choose their own partners, not begrudgingly, but with enthusiasm.
A guy who isn't very attractive and has a great personality..is a friend, and nothing more. The guys I've dated have been average looking guys with great personalities and personality does make someone more attractive, but that's if you already thought they were at least somewhat attractive to begin with. There's some people who just do it for you no matter how great their personality is. I don't think its shallow, its just how it is and no one here can they never turned someone down because of their looks. There's also the other side, a really good looking guy with a not so hot personality can make him look less attractive, but if you have neither personality or looks, good luck! I think people say things to not make themselves not look "shallow" but its the way it is for a lot of people.
just don't*
I don't think it's shallow. Attraction is important in a relationship, physical or otherwise. If you're not attracted to them, how are you supposed to enjoy the physical parts of your relationship?
This isn't about always dating a "10" by any means. Personally, I "see inner beauty" and I'm attracted to people's personalities after I get to know them. That way, it's better for me to date friends and people I've known a while. They aren't perfect looking, but I think they are. :)
that's not shallow. you aren't going to be totally happy being with the person if you're not physically attracted to them. honestly it goes hand in hand personality & physical appearance. unless you can look past it.. but it's not shallow. :p it's human nature to like what you like & not like what you don't. haha.
Well I mean, personality plays a major role & for me yes. Personality helps me to be more physically attracted to a person. :p
If the person is physically unattractive to them even after they get to know them, and the person who is unattractive asks them on a date and the person says "yes" I think that would be worse because they already know they are not interested in the person romantically.
I voted "no" because you said they have a great personality implying that the person knows them. Sexual stimulation has to be there.
@update: personally, yes; however, it varies from person to person.
Yes, I believe it's shallow. I've read the other answers and it seems that even if the personality is great, if the looks are not on par then you can't be more than friends.
My boyfriend is not that attractive. He's certainly not ugly, but he's not a handsome or attractive guy either. My exes were better looking. However, I love him as a person and he has an amazing personality, and I would never throw that away just because he's chubby and average looking.
Yes, we have sex many times a week. We've been dating for a few years now.
I'm not sexually attracted to him in the sense that I'm turned on just by looking at him, but he's good in bed and that makes me want to have sex with him.
No Kaeden, I didn't post a question like that.
But the point is he is "good enough" looking to meet your "minimum physical standards" and he physically satisfies you in bed... This is physically attractive, it's just not 100%
In a way. If you reject someone because they aren't the most beautiful or they aren't exactly your type then yes it is very shallow. We need to give people chances to prove that they are more that just looks. Sometimes we run across people that we can't even look at because the way they look is so odd to us...that would not be shallow. You have to be able to at least look at the person you are with. There will be someone out there for them that thinks they are pretty
@update-yes every time no matter what the person looks like. Once I get to know someone for who they really are their amazing personality reflects on their outsides and makes them more beautiful every day.
Great personality and bad looks will get that person frienzoned real quick!
They may find them funny, interesting, cool, wanting to hang out with them.. but if they'll try to flirt to them they'll be grossed out!
For a relationship there need to have it all! Need to have it all!
Nobody wants to have sex with someone they have no desire to touch or to be intimate with!
To each their own, but yeah, I think it's shallow. So much emphasis is placed on looks alone these days, people can overlook the person underneath. I don't care who says what, but I've said it, and I'll say it until I draw my last breath. Looks don't define who you are.
I actually agree that I think detaching from caring that much about looks while still enjoying the physical side of a relationship could make a lot of people happier. But it has to be genuine. If someone is not attracted, and its an issue for them, they should not date the person.
the way you said it seems a bit harsh and yes that would be shallow, but you could be not attracted to someone.
It IS shallow, those that say it isn't just say it to feel better about themselves.
IT IS shallow, you are rejecting someone BECAUSE OF A GENETIC LOTTERY basically for something had NO SAY IN WHATSOEVER, unless I missed the program installation of "modify your appearance to look however the fuck you want" ability, if that is the case then I would greatly appreciate if someone can send me the program. If this is not shallow, then at least it is THE DEFINITION of unfair.
Now, this is not the question you want to ask. The question you want to ask if it is ACCEPTABLE and YES IT IS!
So it is shallow, but at the same time being something we have no fault in, is acceptable. However, do not be confused it is NOT nice by any stretch of the imagination.
Yes it's shallow but over time I learned to accept it as fact, that people rejected me because I'm unattractive. But someone looked past that and realized I was nice to her and that was probably more important.
i said it depends. I've got to be attracted to the person for it to work. it may be shallow. but that unattractive person will find the one theyre suppose to be with. and its not me.
Not really, while personality is the core of attraction, you have to also be physically and emotionally attracted to a person to stay together. If you just are attracted intellectually then you are friends.
@update: Yes
It's shallow. Anything based upon appearances is a shallow reason.
As long as you like them fo rthem I'm sure you will devlop a liking for them.
VERY shallow, and the person rejecting has a lot of what my Jewish friends call Chutzpah for being that way.
i'm surprised on what the girls voted
It should be shallow but I actually do it
I think it's shallow bec. I would probably hurt their feelings and because they maight be perfect for me (personality is more important than apperance).I don't know why I do it .Do you do it?
Well personality means wayy more in the long run... I guess if I found her absolutely repulsive I might have no choice. But I've been attracted to less physically attractive women before because I loved their personality more. Physical attraction is important, but not so important than personality to me.
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