Before I make this sound as though I’m prowling for a mate – I’m not. Before I was married, I had shifted from preferring older men to preferring younger men. Most of it was the change in my attitude as I got older. Ironically, now I am married to a man a lot older than me, but that’s okay…my memories are sweet from those young bucks. And before the young ladies think I'm out to disrespect them, I'm not! I am completely aware you young, beautiful women have a lot to offer and in many cases have a lot less work to do to attract men. This is just a myTake reserved for the older women. :)
I’ve seen some topics over the last month concerning age, and whether or not people should date within a certain range depending on their own age, and I am usually first to say that it simply doesn’t matter. But in defense of the older woman, I like to think of 40 as being the new 30 (we're starting to look younger and be a bit more bold). We have a lot of experience, and less time to fuss over stupid crap, which I think is why we really are in our prime at this age, and why men love it.
I’ll split this up in to two parts. The benefits of dating an older woman, and how to attract us. Because we aren’t called cougars for nothing! *Rawr* *Purr*
Auntie Ozanne’s Observation of the Cougar
1a. We have already learned a lot of lessons from our younger dating days. We are over trying to find the guy with a six pack, big penis, good job, good humour, lots of money, and great smile (all in one package) because we understand that we don’t live in the movies. We don’t settle – instead we are more experienced, and realize no one is perfect. So we look for someone “perfect for us”, whatever our perfect may be. We make allowances for things we never could because we are finished with our Princess Complex.
2a. We may have already had our first marriage or long relationship(s) and don’t need to pressure a guy after all we’ve been through. We’ve done the wedding-thing, the house, maybe the kids, and just look for someone who will please us instead of looking after us. We’re careful not to get in to commitments that most guys are scared of because we already went through it all, maybe even in haste and realize it didn’t get us anywhere. You can be rest-assured that we aren't going to rush you.
3a. We can be trusted. Older women have had their hearts broken enough times to understand what really hurts. We might have even suffered the backlash of our own mistakes and now want to move on. We know it means more to be honest and not to try and be cute thinking there will always be a tomorrow. We don’t want to waste time, so we put more effort in to what matters in to our relationships and friendships to save ourselves and each other any unnecessary hurt.
4a. We are reliable. We’re probably neck-deep in our careers and know how to survive on our own. We’ve got a car, got a place, and know how to cook. Our daddies no longer look after us and pay our bills. We already are ahead of the game and know how to do things ourselves, and actually prefer it now. If a man still looks for a strong, independent woman, but she’s reserved a bit of a traditional side, then an older woman will be perfect.
5a. We really don’t sweat the small stuff. So you didn’t text us back. Big whoopdee-doo. So you said something sort of stupid, or you decided to hang out with your friends for the night. We don’t have the insecurities that we had when we were younger, and we really don’t care to break off a relationship or cause a riff over something small. We look back on that small stuff and realize what a waste of time it was to be so upset over silly things. We’re more forgiving of all that because it’s called life and we understand that mistakes are made.
How to Catch a Cougar
(I know, these tips can apply to trying to attract all of us women, but I especially think these are more important as we get older.)
1b. Lose the frat-boy friends. We are over that time in our lives and we have a lot more to focus on than partying. If you want to get over that too, it means learning to wean yourself from the extended teenage years and join us in adult-life.
2b. Don’t expect us to change what we can’t or won’t. It’s true, our breasts might sag a bit more, and we might have some noticeable veins creeping up on our feet, but if you criticize us for aging, or suggest some surgery to be the babe you really want, then we have better things to do and better people to be around who will accept us for the inevitable. Relish in the beauty we have already, and be sincere about it. We can tell with years of experience if you mean it.
3b. Don’t change who you are. If we dig you because you’re younger, then don’t try and act like you’re twenty years older. It’s one thing to ditch the partying-lifestyle, but if you make sudden changes to your appearance such as wearing dress shirts when you didn’t before, or you suddenly have Harry Connick Jr playing in your car, we know when you’re just doing something to impress us when it’s not genuine. We don’t automatically look for someone who appears mature thinking they are just catching up to us. We were attracted to your vibrancy to begin with, and hoped you would make us feel youthful too.
4b. Have some ambition. A cougar doesn’t want to feel like a foster mom. If the guy doesn’t even have a goal of what he wants to be when he grows up, we will ultimately feel as though we have to walk with them during their baby-steps to figure it out. We already went through our college days of feeling free with wings on our feet. Now, we understand that it’s important to have some stability. Note, there is a difference between the Cougar and the Sugar-Mama. Even if you make a declaration that you want to be the world’s greatest banjo picker on a street corner, have some ambition to let us know that you have some fire in the belly to be great at something.
5b. Give us a conversation orgasm. We absolutely love intelligence, and if you can scratch our brains with good conversation and invite us to talk about what we know from our own experiences, you’ll win us over a lot easier. We might be in our sexual prime, and believe me, you’ll get it good when the talking’s over, but we know how to reserve that time to focus on real life and good conversation before we give it all up for you. We know what happens from one night stands and we might make you work a bit harder. But it will be worth it.