When you’re busy asking her, “Should I pick you up? Where should we go? What should we eat? ” she’s busy thinking, “I don’t care either! Why can’t you just be a man and make a decision for us?”
The Lesson: Stop trying to handle her with kitten gloves, stop following her around like a lost puppy dog, and learn to LEAD your dates. Learn to make decisions, learn to surprise her, and finally stop asking for her permission and approval. Most women are very happy to be lead on each date like it’s an adventure – instead of being asked to drive the bus.
When she says, “This is complete bullshit! You knew how important this was for me, it’s my god damn birthday! Why didn’t you make the reservations, you fucking idiot!? Are you just fucking lazy, or are you really that fucking stupid!?” you’ll say, “Oh baby, I’m sorry! I really do care, it just slipped my mind.. oh man, I promise I really WILL make it up to you.. oh man, I’m so stupid.” instead of, “Hey, the last thing that’s okay for you is to talk to me like that. When you calm down and can act like an adult we can go and celebrate like you deserve. Until then I’m out of here.”
The Lesson: Have boundaries and enforce them. No woman can be attracted to a guy she doesn’t respect. If you let her walk all over you simply because you’re desperate for her to like you, the you’ve already lost her. Being nice won’t buy her respect, but standing up for yourself will.
"Learn about attraction, & you’ll discover that there are many subtle ways you can turn her on, but being SUPER NICE isn’t one of them."
When you’re saying, “Wow, you’re just so beautiful. Sure I’d love to give you hand. What time do you need me and my buddies at your place to help you move? Can I pay for it?” she’s thinking, “Wow, this guy is super nice. He’s going to make a really good friend.”
The Lesson: You can’t simply “super-size” how nice you are and expect she’s going to suddenly choose to become attracted to you. Attraction isn’t about how nice you are, it’s about how attractive you are. Learn about attraction (unconscious emotional response) and you’ll discover that there are many subtle ways you can turn her on, but being SUPER NICE isn’t one of them.
Instead of taking your female friend out (who you’ve secretly had a crush on for years), to have fun, drinks, and a possible bedroom adventure, you’ve decided that “taking action” is too risky, and have chosen the “logic” of a hand written love letter explaining all of the deep desires you have for her, and how you plan on ultimately sweeping her off her feet. Instead you creep her out because she thinks you’ve been lying to her all this time.
The Lesson: Love letters and other over-the-top romantic gestures have way more power when she’s already attracted to you and you’re well into a relationship – not BEFORE you have a relationship. This is just creepy. Taking action, and leading her on a fun dating adventure with you is WAY MORE POWERFUL than using words. You can’t logically convince a woman to become attracted to you, but you can influence her body’s emotions while with you. Bring her mystery, adventure, and fun and she’ll start to FEEL things..
Be a MAN and take ACTION!
In your desperate attempt to connect with her you dump all of your deep emotional stories and drama on her lap, but instead you’ve just scared her away. She’s not your mother. She doesn’t want to know you’re vulnerabilities until she’s earned her way into your life.
The Lesson: “Bad Boys” keep their core insecurities and emotions all bottled up and hidden, and this can be very intriguing to a woman who thinks they can get into his soft goey centre. He becomes like a puzzle she needs to solve. To be attractive you should find the middle ground between being open and honest while keeping your deep emotional upsets hidden until long into your relationship. Allow her in, but do it slowly over time – not within the first 10 dates.
You keep showering the hot waitress with compliments and attention hoping that it will finally buy her affection when her real interest is in the bad boy at the bar who barely notices her.
The Lesson: Putting a girl on a pedestal while showering her with gifts and praise is nice – and most women love this – but she simply can’t feel attraction for you from up there. If she can’t respect you (and how could she from way up there) then she can’t feel attraction for you. The typical “bad ass” doesn’t waste time trying to raise a woman up: he spends time taking her down a few notches. Instead you need to find a middle ground where you can be playful and tease her like she’s nobody special, while never being condesending, rude, or insecure.
Being “nice” isn’t a way to barter for her attention. You can’t trade your approval for hers – it doesn’t work that way. Instead you need to see her as equal to you, if not slightly less. Force her to work her way into your good books and she’ll thank you for it.
You ruin the most perfect of date by ending it with a hug and by saying, “So, am I your type? I really had a great time! Can I please see you again?” which sub-communicates to her that you’re too insecure to risk kissing her, that you need her approval to feel good about yourself. The “bad boy” doesn’t seek her approval which ultimately fascinates her.
The Lesson: Any action that you take that communicates “I need your approval” will kill her attraction. She wants to feel that you can handle yourself in any given situation, even if things are going bad (that includes having a date with her where she’s not happy with you) so asking her anything like “how am I doing” will scream to her the success of this date is completely in her hands. The “bad boy” doesn’t worry about whether she had fun or not: he is only concerned with his own fun.
It’s better to just kiss her, if you feel like it, and deal with the consequences. It’s better to leave her wondering if you enjoyed the date and will call her again, because it puts you in her thoughts. You might want to know what she’s thinking about you, but never ask.
When you meet a really attractive woman you become unduly obsessed with her, convincing yourself that she’s “the one” when you don’t even know her yet. This intense focus of attention will only make her realize that you’re superficial (you don’t even know the real her yet) and that you’re really creepy.
The “bad boy” allows her to convince him of her worth, thereby helping her to feel she’s “earned” his attention and affection, and she will ultimately find him more rewarding to be around.
The Lesson: We don’t value anything that’s free. If you give her all of yourself just because she’s pretty, then what does that say about your value? It tells her you’re superficial, that you’re not worth much, and that any next hot girl will gain your attention just as easily. If, instead, you assumed high value, and really took your time getting to know her before you start showing her your deep affection then she’ll FEEL that and she’ll appreciate you WAY MORE. Make her earn your high opinion of her.
Ultimately you’re “acting nice” around any beautiful woman simply because you’re trying to manipulate them. You likely don’t even realize it. Instead of saying what you really think, you’re editing yourself because you’re worried about offending her, turning her off, or losing her interest. By allowing her to walk all over you, take your time, money, and energy, you’re expecting her to return the favor by through her attention and affection. You’re asking her to exchange your approval and energy for her approval and energy.
"Women are more likely to trust a pervert who’s honest about it, than a “nice guy” who’s only pretending to be nice."You think that you can trick her into liking you by pretending to be that Romantic Hero who treats his woman like a fairytale princess – except you demand her attention, affection, sex and love in return for your payments.
This is called manipulation.
The Lesson: The “bad boy” doesn’t waste a woman’s time by being fake. He’s upfront about his thoughts and opinions, and ultimately comes across as authentic, even if he’s a little bit of a pig. Ultimately she’ll avoid the “jerk” because he’s selfish and self-centered. Women are more likely to trust a pervert who’s honest about it, than a “nice guy” who’s only pretending to be nice.
How do you know if you’re being nice or just being fake? Do you give a girl compliments because you want a “thank you”? Do you give a girl gifts and attention with the expectation that she’ll appreciate you more for it? When you expect anything in return for your “good deeps” then you’re trying to manipulate her through your actions. This isn’t authentic niceness. It’s fake and creepy.
Women don’t want “bad boys” even when they’re attracted to them – they want honest, sincere, fun guys who are nice BUT who also have backbones and who value themselves more then some random girl with nice tits.
Robby writes a blog about relationships at FullOfHateAndReadyToDate.com.
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