How long do I wait until he makes a move?

[Anonymous]

I've been on about 4 dates with this guy over the last month. He hasn't made an move on me what so ever.. we laugh and we have a great time together but no cuddling, no hand holding or kissing... Is he not that interested? Do you think He's seeing someone else on the side? or is he just waiting to see if I'm the right girl for him?

[Anonymous]

maybe he's just shy?

inside that male brain of his.. a million things could be going on that are preventing him from doing what he wants to do... maybe it's not so much that he's not motivated to do the things you want him to.. but maybe it's because that although he's motivated.. he's inhibited (that is to say that "fear" is holding him back)

fear?

yup.. fear..

maybe he really likes you.. and from his point of view.. he's wondering if you like him.. because he's not quite sure (because you haven't given him enough signs of interest to reassure him of your interest in him) he's still playing it safe and waiting for more signs..

if this is the case.. then just let him know how you feel.. if he never feels reassured of your interest in him.. he'll just constantly wait and keep looking for more signs from you (which you won't give, because you'll be doing the same thing, waiting for him to make the move or do something).. it will then come to the point where one or both of you will just say "fcuk this".. and move on.. rationalization to why you've moved on are meaningless since they're easy for the imagination to create (he/she is seeing someone else, he/she is gay/into girls, he/she wasn't interested, etc)

he's afraid that if he does anything, you might be offended or take it the wrong way.. shy guys are shy because they feel that by touching you, holding your hand, or kissing you, you will respond with a very defensive and negative reaction and your actions/behavior will carry with them the implication that he's trying to make some kind of sexual advance on you that you don't want.. needless to say, that would cause him to feel that you're not interested in him.. and the feeling of being rejected by someone he is interested in would hurt.. so in the absence of reassurance.. he just does nothing and waits to see come clear signs of interest from you

to be fair.. both people are afraid of rejection.. and for whatever reason.. you've decided that you want to sit back and expect him to take the initiative to assume that risk.. fine.. but it's a bit selfish at best, and unrealisitic at worst to believe that many people would do that.. if a guy is interested in you.. HE WILL NOT WANT TO TAKE ON THAT RISK!

say what?

that's right.. if he's just looking to have sex or get a girlfriend to show off to his friends.. that means you don't matter to him.. so there is no fear of rejction inhibiting his actions.. but the second you mean something to him.. the fear of rejection is a very real about powerful emotion that leaves him lifeless.. unable to move.. unable to act.. out of fear of you being less interested in him

so waiting there while not showing him you're interested in him.. to reassure him enough so he's not afraid to take action.. yet expecting his interest in you to be enough to push him over that fear.. is unrealistic.. that's just pure fantasy on your part if you seriously expect men to behave that way

[pastelcolors]

Wow your answer was like a light shining down on me! this is EXACTLY how I feel! wow....yeah he's always so nice and laughing and he looks deep in my eyes but never *does* anything & I like him so much! I'm going to show way more obvious signs of liking him because I'm pretty sure he likes me too. thanks!

[jondogg1985]

He is trying to show you that he's truly trying to get to know you first before doing stuff that is risky or might make you think he's only after one thing. Just go in a little, not a lot but become much closer, etc and see how he reacts. If you really wonder about him, or have heard he may be a 'wanna be player' or whatever just ask him politely if he intends on making it more.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe he's just wanting to possibly take things slow with you.There's no need to rush things to have a good relationship with somebody by making any moves. Its still early in the relationship. Try some light flirting with him and see if he responds back. That will tell you possibly if he's into you romantically maybe or not.

[Scorponox]

That sounds like a pretty good guy. For me, I wouldn't want a guy that goes too fast.

I don't think he is seeing anyone behind your back, I think he is waiting to see if you are the right one. Not every relationship has to be cuddling and kissing. :)

[Anonymous]

No attempt for anything at all? You may be a "companionship rebound". Sounds to me like he had a relationship that he just got out of and he seeks someone to fill that personal void. If that isn't the case, I don't know. First or second date I can see, but four in? If he did really have feelings or see this escalating, he would have made a move.