How do you get a girl to stop playing hard to get?

Assume girl and guy like each other. Over a period of a month they've been on dates, gone to a wedding, and spent the night together multiple times. Every time was great, getting intimate, sharing memories, talking, laughing, teasing, etc.

Nonetheless, she still opts to play this hard-to-get game during the week when we can't hang out. When trying to make plans, she'll give me some crap like: "I don't know I may be busy, but I can put you on my VIP list!" (of course, we end up hanging out anyways). Perhaps she may randomly text me one day and then not return a phone call the next. More recently she sent me an email asking me some questions. I naturally respond with some of my own and she never replies.

In short, her behavior is inconsistent and unclear.

So, how do I get her to stop!? I like her, but this is getting annoying to the point of a major turn off. I feel like it creates more distance between us when we can't see each other and it is spoiling what would otherwise be a really great thing.

Any advice is uber-appreciated! Thanks!

  • Play hard to get back.
    Vote A
  • Next time you see her, tell her she's sending mixed signals and that she should be up front with you.
    Vote B
  • Other - Feel free to explain
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok Ill tell you my true and honest opinion! There may be two things going on: or she is REALLY into you, or she's not. Though to me it is quite obvious she is!

    A girl will usually only play hard to get when she is interested in the guy, if not why would she be wasting her time playing the game at all? Its not easy playing hard to get, because usually you don't want to be hard to get at all. If you like the guy, you want to be with him 24/7. However, sometimes the girl feels like its necessary when she actually wants something more serious, like a relationship (from my experience it is always necessary in this case). This is because a guy will loose interest if she's really easy, and he doesn't have to do the hunt (i.e. chase after her). Why would he value something that was so easy for him to get? And in your case, you guys have had sex, so for her its even harder to make you want something more serious, because you're actually already getting what you want without being in a relationship.

    It's obvious she likes you, because regardless of the fact that she's playing hard to get, in the end she is still going out with you and seeking your company. Basically she 'played' the game correctly. She induced you to see she was interested, she made you become interested by knowing she was interested, and now that you 'have' her, she is trying to keep that interest.

    So if you do actually want something more serious, next time you two hang out, take a moment to tell her what you really want. This will probably make her pull her guard down. And once she realizes that your really in for it too, she will have no more need to keep playing the game ;).

    I hope it helps :)!

    • Exactly!

    • Show All
    • And another thing.. I think playing too much "hard to get" is annoying and frustrating.

      It's fine if two people are just doing it in the beginning. But once they start hanging out and talking.. It's just completely unnecessary to keep on playing hard to get, and In my honest opinion, it's really immature, if a girl would "play hard to get" for months like the girl the Question Asker said.

      Most guys would've probably given up if a girl continued to play hard to get like that for so long.

    • Yep, that's why I used the term ''usually'' to emphasize that sometimes that's not always the case ;). Yeah I agree so too, that's why I mentioned that it should be done at first. But who said she's been doing it for months? If she was, the guy in the question wouldn't still be after her... After a while guys just tend to give up. You have to seem unattainable, but not forever. That's why usually it's hard for the girls who are trying to 'play' hard to get, its easier for us who already are hard

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • yea, if you tell her that you are not going to take any of that crap, she'll respect you more.

  • ignore her. she'll be confused, then try and get your attention

  • first ask her. then tell her what you think. most of the time girls play games like this cos they are scared. as for me I play games like this (and still) to my boyfriend cos I'm afraid to lose him. I think sooner or later he's going to ask me then tell me that there's no need to play game.

    • But he can't read your mind though..

      Not ALL guys like to play hard to get for so long.. IMO, I think MOST guys want a girl to be REAL after initial contact..

      Anymore mind games after is just plain immature and frustrating to me.

  • Simply act hard to get back, if she was playing games, she'll stop it, if not, probably she is that way, so you need to step up ;D

  • just tell her how you feel, and then maybe she will realize she doesn't need to play games with you


What Guys Said 8

  • Men resemble the law of nature. You come closer, they feel more attracted. You pull away, they feel more distant and move onto some other planet's orbit.

    The the most part, the opposite sex resembles the opposite. You come closer, they want to move away and maintain some level of distance. You move further away, they want to come closer and minimize the level of distance.

    Now, like all humans, we're selfish and self-centered. We like to believe that everyone else thinks the way we do, and if they don't, they should. This helps self-validate our beliefs are right in relation to everyone else's beliefs which are either in agreement to our own (right) or disagreement (wrong).

    So from your male POV, if you like someone, you think like a guy, and the thing you naturally do is try and be closer and minimize that distance (because you know what that would do for you and how that would make you feel).

    From her POV however, if you like someone, you believe the guy you like thinks like a girl. And so, naturally, you try to create distance. Why? Because you genuinely believe that this will cause him to chase after you, or want you more, or value you more. Or that if you don't do these things, that he will value you less, want you less, blah blah blah. Is this how guys think? Of course not, but that's not the point! The point is how SHE thinks, and WHY she's BEHAVING the way she is. (well, that's WHY)

    What can you do about her behavior?

    Well, you can reward it, you can punish it, or you can be indifferent to it.

    Let's see the three conditions in action:

    Reward her playing-hard-to-get:

    She plays HTG --> You chase after her and try to minimize distance --> makes her feel desired and wanted --> makes her feel good about herself --> acts as an emotional reward

    This means that from that point forward, you would have programed her conditional memory to read something like this:

    "If I play hard to get --> then he will chase after me, which will make me feel good and give me an emotional reward"

    Punishing her playing HTG:

    She plays HTG --> you sleep with her friend --> makes her feel dumb --> comes to realization that HTG didn't work --> emotional pain & punishment

    This means that from that point forward, as more and more guys respond this way, the potential negative results from HTG will make her refrain from behaving that way.

    Ignoring HTG: (recommended)

    She plays HTG --> you give no response/reaction

    She'll realize that by playing HTG, she's getting nowhere. By creating distance, you're not trying to close that distance that she's creating. She'll realize that if she continues to do this, they'll only be a world of distance she created b/w the two of you in an effort to comfort her insecurities and/or validate her low-self-esteem. Instead, she'll stop HTG and minimize that distance herself, and then interact with you like a normal human being; open and honestly.

    • Wow. Quite the keen analysis of men and women's behavior.

    • My god.. I think you've got it down.

    • I think you should copyright that. I need to save this answer or find a way to save this question so I can read your answer.

  • You just answered your own question when you said its getting annoying and a major turn off. Tell her look I am too old for this sh*t, and your games are p*ssing me off, ya at first I was like oh how cute she likes to play games, and then about the second time you did it, it made me think ok this is getting annoying and it's not going to fly with me. How am I supposed to go on dates with you if you keep messing around with these immature childish games, and unless you stop as in right now, I'm walking away from this and finding myself a new chick who doesn't play games.

    Part of this is your fault though, you let her play these games with you and keep the upper hand, if you would have stopped the games early on, you wouldn't be in this situation, now since you let her play these games with you gave her the upper hand and now she has your chasing your tail, and now she thinks she can get away with anything cause you won't do anything about it. Women are not as sweet and innocent as you think they are, they are actually very good at getting their way if you let them. Key word IF, but if you put a stop to it from the git go, they won't play games.

  • Stop playing the cat and mouse game with her. If she truly wants you she'll see what she gave up by playing hard to get and hopefully come to her senses.

  • I do this when I'm getting tired. I give her some space for a few days, and act like I semi-miss her. This usually gives her the idea that I'm starting to lose interest. If she starts acting normal, great she got the message. If not, it's a good indicator for me that I should just drop it.

  • dont play her games. if she's playing hard to get make her come to you.

    • Yea id just forget about her until she came to me lol, people that play games are annoying

  • I don't try. I just ignore her forever: she's not my kind of girl.

  • Dump her ass.

  • kiss her and then see what happens lol

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