Be persistent with a girl that's playing hard to get?

[Anonymous]

I've been hearing that the reason girls play hard to get is out of a fear of rejection. Also, they don't want to be seen throwing themselves at a guy who might reject them or not give them what they want. That's why being persistent is good (unless she just doesn't care about you).

Girls, do you agree?

Updates

+1 y

Is it the same thing when they throw in an "if I was your girlfriend..." or two?

Updates

+1 y

Oops, that last update was meant for a different question.

[Scoopie]

Don't spend too much time on chasing a girl. I don't mind playing along for a short period of time, but enough is enough. If she likes me and plays hard to get then she doesn't respect me. If she doesn't like me, then she's just mean and likes to mess with guys. Playing hard to get mostly pushes away the nice and decent guys that take it seriously. The girl makes them feel she's not interested and they move on.

I rather go for girls that don't make it a game, because it's not. I'm serious about her, and if she starts playing then it seems like she's not serious. I get the fact that some girls may want to use the game to find out if the guy really likes them, but they don't realize that a douche that wants to get into their pants will also continue to play until he gets what he wants.

You'll probably notice that the typical girl that likes to play hard to get is beautiful and very well aware of that fact. She knows she can play with the guy and that guys will chase her because of her looks. And looks are not everything.

On the other hand, I've been confused this time when I thought a girl was playing hard to get, but just was too shy and afraid to go out with me while she did want to.

[dipta]

Exactly, sometimes girls don't play hard to get on purpose, sometimes they aren't sure either.

[goldgunsgirls]

I agree wholeheartedly with Scoopie. If she's into you but playing hard to get, she doesn't respect you, so she's not worth it (if it goes to the extreme... if it's just bit then I guess it's bearable). If she's not into you, well then it's not really playing hard to get, it's just being hard to get, so tough luck, but move on to someone else who's into you.

I went on a couple dates with this chick but got tired of her games. She'd choose which messages to respond to (she'd completely ignore some messages even if they were things like asking her a question), she wouldn't put much effort into organizing more dates even though I tried several times and she cancelled last minute... just way too many mind games. So I just stopped trying myself. She wasn't worth the effort. Not because she wasn't a good person - she was cute, and I liked her personality - but because she clearly didn't respect me. If she doesn't respect you, move on dude.

[goldgunsgirls]

Haha yeah I was confused by that update at first...

[Anonymous]

I would be persistent with a girl that plays hard to get. The reason I play hard to get is because I put about 200% into all my relationships, so there has to be an adequate screening process. Translation: You aren't going to get me accidentally on purpose, you have to really really want me. When you pass my test, you'll be in heaven.

[Scoopie]

You're doing it wrong. It doesn't make any sense, and (ironically) you're making a game out of it, while you claim to be serious about it.

That's why you go on dates. And if you're serious, you play no games. There's no point in playing hard to get before even going on the first date.

[dipta]

How can a girl be playing hard to get if she's already going on dates with the guy?

[soccerrun1]

I put a lot into my relationships too, and its really hard to find someone who gives that back

[goldgunsgirls]

@dipta: It's very possible. Not communicating much, not making much of an effort to organize dates... that's what I experienced with a girl who was playing hard to get with me while still going on dates with me. I just stopped going on dates with her cause it was getting really annoying.

[goldgunsgirls]

And I've gotta agree with Scoopie. By playing hard to get, you're not scoping out the guys who are worth it, you're scoping out the guys who will take your sh*t. You're just annoying the guys and possibly missing out on some really great guys by playing hard to get.

[Scoopie]

"You're just annoying the guys"

Those words I was looking for. You really do annoy me by playing a game with my mind and will make me move on. If you never take the time to actually get to know the guy, you will not find out if you like him and what his intentions really are. Look at it from the guys' perspective, how can he be sure he really really wants you if he doesn't know you? Give a guy a chance to evaluate, and you can do that at the same time; it's called dating.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol.. You do have a point. I'll keep that in mind.

[Scoopie]

I'd like to rate your latest comment positively, but that's not possible.

So, thanks for being one of the girls one can actually reason with :)

[goodchuck]

good to know, thanks

[Anonymous]

If we know you like us, then how could we fear rejection? I don't really play hard to get, I just don't throw myself at a guy and fall into his bed in 3 weeks. There is a difference between playing hard to get and me having no interest at all, but I agree with you if you can tell the girl likes you then it's fine to be persistent.

[mashura]

in my opinion playing hard to get is a cheap form of validation. if the girl can get the guy to chase them then it means they are worth the chase. here's the thing don't chase, don't feed into their egos.

[liars_paradox]

I also think that it could be a cultural thing. Some men (especially in certain cultures), like women to be shy and coy. If she's too forward then they would just freak out. Besides, some men do like the chase. Also, a girl has to act like she has some self-respect. She can't just throw herself at guys or else they won't respect her.

There's probably a middle ground that women should take.

[KingJR]

Why waste your time with a girl who wants to waste your time...go for the girl that actually wants to spend time with you NOW and not "maybe eventually"...

[lostnclueless]

playing hard to get and showing absolutely no interest are diff. things, be persistent only if you feel she's into you as well otherwise you're just wasting your time.

[Anonymous]

You should probably be cautious.

If you're not good-looking enough and you're too persistent, girls will call you creepy. If you're not cool enough and it seems that you're trying too hard, then they might call you creepy.

[soccerrun1]

Usually if a girl plays hard to get I just stop pursuing her

[gummybear888]

just keep trying if you like her unless she said no

[Anonymous]

yes, be persistant with a girl that's palying hard to get. it is probably just a wall, break it down, and you'll find that it's worth it.

[liars_paradox]

It depends. If she takes it too far, then most nice guys will just think that she's just not into them and move on. As Scoopie said, it's usually just a**holes and douche bags who actually go far enough to break some girls walls' down.

[Opinion Owner]

...well if you like her... think about it... aren't you a douge bag if you try and go for a girl that you know plays hard to get... think about it., if you liked a girl that you knew played hard to get your a douge bag if you move on to the next girl and your not if you really wanted to know why she was that way.

[Scoopie]

Not every girl's worth it. I could like a girl based on her looks, but later conclude I don't like her personality. The quicker I find out, the better for both parties and we have closure and move on. There's no point in playing games, it simply prolongs everything. So no games, but clarity. If she doesn't even give me the chance to get to know her, how am I supposed to know how much effort to put into it? If I still pursue it indicates I'm only after her looks - and a douche right?