Should I tell her how much she has hurt me?

[Anonymous]

all that she ever does is send mixed signals. its never a clear cut "no"

in fact sometimes its been a "yes" she considers me a great friend but she never has backed up her words and spent time with me

meanwhile aside from all this, she's everything my heart could ever desire, she's like my perfect girl. the last few months have been so depressing. I don't know what to do. and I feel so like emotionally scarred.

any advice would be great. I'm trying to just get passed this, but I feel stuck on her, and I wish I could find someone else like her, but I'm afraid I could never feel the same way about anyone ever again. I look at other girls and while I might find them attractive, I never ever see myself feeling what I do for this girl.

idk what to even do... :'(

[KonnectLife]

More important advice before I attempt to answer question:

1. STAY AWAY FROM THE SUPER NICE GIRLS

Anyone that seems super sweet, giggly, affectionate, and outgoing. They're the ones who will do and accept all kinds of things that lead you on when they were never really interested.

2. STOP BEING A NICE GUY! NUMBER ONE RULE!

I'm sure you've been taught all your life to "just be nice" or "just be yourself" or "you're a great guy and if they can't appreciate you then you don't want them anyway" or "just be yourself and one day you will find someone" etc. If you want to listen to people who say stupid things like this, go ahead. I just have one question:

HOW FAR HAS BEING THE NICE BOY WHO LISTENS TO AND BELIEVES THAT STUFF GOTTEN YOU IN LIFE SO FAR?

Think about it...

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. Some of you will listen and some of you wont. I know there will be people to disagree and try to tell you not to listen to me, but I speak from a lifetime of experience, research, and watching countless other people make the same mistakes. Being the "bad boy" will get you results. The ONLY time I'll listen to anyone who tells me otherwise if if they are willing to date me on the spot if I start "being nice" or whatever other crap people say as an attempt to help you.

Bottom line is there are simply things that work and things that don't work when it comes to attracting females, and unless you're experienced, odds are that everything you think is right (such as being a "nice guy") is really wrong.

It's up to you to decide whether you choose to do what works and finding success with women or continue doing what you THINK should work with women and failing...

Oh, and if you have autism or are on the autism spectrum, you can pretty much forget about finding a mate, especially if you're a guy, for several reasons. It's not impossible, but is extremely difficult, even more so than it is for the normal people. Sucks since those on the autism spectrum (whether diagnosed or undiagnosed) tend to fall for people and become attached easily and are also naturally too nice, loving and caring in general. Another thing that sucks is that most women on the autism spectrum fall under the "super nice, sweet, shy and giggly" category tat would make you believe they are interested when many of them are simply not interested in anyone in general, so saying "just find someone else who's also autistic" also doesn't work in this case. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. Life is not fair.

AS FAR AS IF YOU SHOULD TELL HER SHE HURT YOU?

I wouldn't do it if you don't understand anything else I've said above. People say honesty is the best policy, but this is not true if it's only going to make you look like some wussy nice guy. Telling a woman how you feel... unless you know how to do this properly, you are going to look/sound like a wussy nice guy and she will end up leaving you for a guy with more bad boyish qualities.

THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS.

Good luck

[chettah-two]

Leave her alone...

On the surface she does not like you as a Boyfriend but she is afrraid to say incase its hurts you, but what she doesn't realise is it hurts you more..

But on a deeper level she really does not like you and she knows if she says no to you, you'll quickly move on and she will not have a just in case guy... (plan B)

On an even deeper level, she does not like you as a Boyfriend because you are too easy for her, she wants a challenge, someone who she works for.. and that's abviously you..

With consideration to all there levels, she says she likes you, but as a friend... and send flirty messages to you... all this results in you getting "mixed signals.."

But what really going on subconsiously is she is giving you just enough attention for you to stay hooked, but chances of you ever getting with her are slim to non existant.

Once she finds a Plan A I bet my money that's "bye-bye omigo..

Stay tru to yourself and respect this girl and LEAVE HER ALONE!

She is only looking after her own and so do you...

[Asker]

This sounds like what is happening. thanks

[blufrenzy93]

that sounds exactly like what I'm going through

except I really am the girl in this case.

What the guys said are dead on--move on.

coming from the girl's point of view she doesn't want to hurt you by rejecting you

and sees you only as a friend.

as much as it's honest to say "hey...I don't like you like that" or "I only like you as a friend"

its very hard to say !

she's considering your feelings as a friend.

and I do agree with the fact that you were smothering her with all this attention, affection, etc.

if you present all your feelings to a girl all at once,

then you will become an option for her--trust me on this...

there are going to be others out there that you will like and return your feelings...just keep remembering that.

because it's no good dwelling on a girl who's not interested in you like that..

and if you're anything like the guy in my situation

then you must be a sweet guy ...best wishes.

[swtlostchingrl82587]

How long have you been with her?

what do you mean by " all that she ever does is send me mixed signals. It's never a clear cut "no"

Um if you don't mind can you elaborate on your story?

what's making her so perfect in your eyes?

Have you been with her for over a yr?

could it be just the holidays and you are feeling like this?

[SchickChick1223]

You read my mind. I'm dealing with same issue except it's a dude!

[sonic241928]

I know exactly what you mean when you say you'll never feel the same way as you do for this girl. But trust me, you will. You're deeply infatuated with her, but you should never allow yourself to develop such strong feelings for a girl unless she's returning the same feelings. It's painful, but I strongly advise you to move on.

Start planning out a new life for yourself today. Think positively and with an open mind. Get out there with your friends, make new ones, pursue your hobbies and interests...and meet new girls. Put yourself in places to meet them--parties, school clubs, volunteer organizations, etc. When you meet girls, especially the ones you're attracted to, concentrate on having fun, NOT on falling in love--you don't want to fall into the same trap and get your heart broken again. Don't be afraid to flirt with and hug/kiss girls once there's mutual comfort, so that you don't fall into the "friend zone" Once you find a girl who seems truly happy to be around you, you can slowly begin to reveal your feelings, not through words but through actions.

Best of luck man, and happy new year...let it be the best ever for you : )

[Asker]

I've liked her for years tho and I liked her for who she was before there was any sort of physical attraction/infatuation. I couldn't help but feel this way for her.

[tex151]

The solution here is simple, move on to another chick. She just sees you as a friend, which is why she is flaking out on you all the time, and not giving you clear answers. Women think that for their own good, it is easier to avoid confrontation then to actually have to say I don't like you like that. Why they do this I don't know ask one of the chicks on here why they won't just say I like you only as a friend.

Your seriously waisting your time, she will just run your around in circles until you give up. Like I said she thinks by not saying no is better for her. If she liked you she would want to hang out with you and she would call you, and if you call her she would actually answer her phone. Forget her and find another girl, your waisting time, get out there and find some other chick who won't run you around in circles.

[notorious_eagle]

Solution: Move on and find another girl, I know its hard for you because you like this girl a lot but this is the sad reality. She is doing this because she probablly likes attention and needs a fall back guy, if you move on and find another girl and start being happy that will be good for you and will definitely make her jealous. There are plenty of girls out there man, if one girl does not likes you than move on to another one. Your life won't end without her, one person is not important enough to make your world stop. Man Up Brother

[Telak]

Probably she doesn't say NO because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship or she likes you but is not sure you really like her.

Either way, the best way to find out is to stop talking with her..if you texted her regularly or talked on the phone, stop doing it for no reason.

Go to different places, etc.

Don't tell her nothing!

Make her miss you..and if she likes you she will come to you.

[helms_girl]

Agreed

[Regularguy]

This is a bad situation to put yourself in. You deserve someone who is sure about wanting to be with you. It really does sound like that she doesn't want to tell you directly because she wants to avoid conflict. It's a cowards way out. It cost her nothing to do this and it cost everything to you to have to be stuck like this. You should just move on. Don't stick around for when she finds another guy because that will even be harder on you.

[Anonymous]

my co-worker has been playing me all along, i gave her a nice present for her birthday and she thanked me saying she loves me and suggested we meet at x place that night, i go and she comes with this guy that picks her up at work ( she said it was a family relative) she's all over him and im like fck she asked me to go for, i approach her when she was alone and say u couldve told me u had a boyfriend.. she responds he's just a friend, and i just walk away and leave. My friend has her added on fb and she posted my gift saying her bae bought it... im done playing, she won and its my fault so i accept being an idiot, lesson learned... she could never make it anywhere, never called or texted when she said she would except to ask for money (gold digger) now what do i say when i see her at work? avoid her, confront her? I don't know what to do lol

[Aaronswaggggg]

Im dealing with:i can get all the other girls except for the one that means the world to me but she says she doesn't know she tags along i want to move on but i can't hurt her and i know if i move on that will hurt her i really like her but she doesn't know how much i have even poured my heart out to her and still nothing please please help😩😩😩😩

[snowboarder101]

im in the same situation. looking at it from someone elses perspective just answered my question which is the sadly the same as yours. move on. you two are only going to be good friends and nothing more. I'm pretty stuck on the girl I'm dealing with too. she's means the world to me. this girl probably means the world to you too. all I can say is move one. unfortunately I know I will after I hit the post button. peace bro

[Anonymous]

Follow up question to this question...I'm also in this same situation. I like this one girl and I've told her before but she's not sure. So we're just good friends for now. And I feel awesome when I'm hanging out with her. But I feel hurt when she chooses to hangout with other guys. She's a super nice person and I know she has no intention of hurting me. Should I tell her how I feel hurt or just hide my feeling? What would happen if I reveal my hurt to her?