Should I tell her? Or just wait and let it hurt until it can't hurt anymore?

[Anonymous]

I am genuinely and wholeheartedly in love with a girl who has a boyfriend, before you judge me hear me out. I didn't knew she had a boyfriend. Though, she talked about him earlier, she use to refer him as friend. maybe she was not comfortable disclosing this since we were not close at that time, but slowly we came closer she got comfortable and she told me about him. But now I'm already in love we have spent too much time together. I think she knows this, but neither has she cut me off neither does she cross her limits, neither have I done or said anything that might make her uncomfortable but I'm sure she knows I have feelings for her. I've not told her this directly should I? It hurts that I can't even tell her that I'm in love with her. I know best advice would be to run away right? But I can't since we work together and see each other everyday and also we are in same team and very close to each other we are on calls for hours even when not required. We just sit on calls hardly talking. she's working in backgrounds I'm working in background. Now slowly I have started to feel disgusted of my self for being in love with someone who's already in a relationship but I just feel like talking to her all day, getting to know her more and more, and everyday my love for her is increasing what should I do? Sometimes not being able to confess hurts so much I feel like dying.

[etsylo]

that must really suck. i understand where she's coming from about not disclosing her relationship status but to refer her partner as a friend in the beginning seems kind of weird.

this is probably what my friend felt like. we've been friends for years, not long ago he told me he liked me but i was already dating my boyfriend of several years. he said he understood but also told me he would need time to back away and stop liking me and i understood. nowadays, we don't talk much. mostly because we're both inactive but also because he might find himself awkward around me. he has confessed to me this year that he still likes me and i never understood why. i feel really bad about it, and he might be hurting because of it so it must really hurt for you too. you can't have her and it's killing you, isn't it? you're a nice guy, not passing boundaries or limigs but it's hard to probably remain calm around her when you work together.

[Asker]

Thank you for answering, Ya : ( it hurts and It's also so confusing I've never been in such situation. It's like I wish for her happiness, and she's already happy in her happy, healthy relationship but then I also wish to be together with her. Sometimes I feel like running away, but again just thinking about it hurts.

[etsylo]

mm i can see why : ( i really hope things get easier to manage, at least in terms of your feelings for her. it's a tough situation to be in so im really sorry that you're stuck like this.

[Selene1600000]

Don’t confess right now because she has a boyfriend and it will likely only create pressure and awkwardness at work. Focus on reducing one-on-one emotional bonding like long calls and constant chatting so your feelings can cool down and you can stay respectful of her relationship. If this keeps feeling overwhelming or you feel stuck, talking to a dating coach for men can help you set boundaries and move on in a healthy way.

[CalmUntilAbused]

It's easier said than done, but You have to either wait until it does not hurt anymore (probably the better option, to be honest) or find another woman to fall in love with (it's a high-risk, potentially high-reward option).

[Mike_Hum]

if she cheats with you she'll cheat on you.