Should I message my ex and tell her how much she hurt me?

[Anonymous]

I had an on again off again relationship with this girl over the years and she hurt me badly in the end.
She made it clear to me with her actios that she moved on, especially considering that she's already married. I had no choice but to move on as well and distance myself from her as much as possible. It got to a point where I removed her from facebook, Skype and stopped following her on twitter.

Oddly, she messaged me back one day and still wants to keep in contact with me for whatever reason, as a friend of course. Her recent actions threw me off though. we did eventually chat again and she apologized over her actions. I'm the type of person who forgives but doesn't forget. believeing that "it's all in the past" is easier said than done to me. I'm mixed about this. On the one hand I cherished the moments we had together, on the other hand I'm kind of bitter about the past yet at times miss her company. Regardless I've accepted that she moved on and so have I.

I understand she still wants to keep in touch, but seeing her online showing off her photos on facebook and bragging about how great her life is now just makes me feel uncomfortable and because of this I've been distancing myself from the site.

Over the last few months I wondered if I should tell her how much she hurt me. tell her things from my POV of what happened, acknowledge my mistakes as well, and maybe find some kind of closure from all this so i can finally move on with my life. I only wanted to talk things over with her as friends so she could understand what I went through. She may have shrugged off the breakup as if it was nothing but her actions back then broke my heart and I really needed some time to heal.

Is it even worth talking to her about finding closure or should I just let it go?

[Anonymous]

At this point I say befriends with her if you can and if you can't then don't. If you can't and need to let her know why (for your own sake) then say she hurt you but I'd leave it at that. I wouldn't go into any specifics unless she asks then I'd just answer the question and not elaborate. What could she say really at this point in the game that would help? She may have love you (which is why she still wants you in her life but she is probably past the romantic stuff and not lookign to rehash) but if that's too hard for you let her know and cut her off.

I am friends with my only other serious ex and I too am married (9years, 13 together) . I find it hard to have really cared for someone like that and then just not care about them anymore. I still want to see him happy, I just can't be the reason anymore? You know. We were also on and off.

If you aren't like that or can't deal with it and are still haboring pain then I'd advise against it.

[LovePeaceHarmony420]

There will never be closure if at times you miss her company. Is she whom you've always thought the most about? If so, your still in love and it will never end. The past is the past, and people change, things change, life goes on, but through that, if she's what you still see... That closure your looking for is maybe a way of saying your wanting to go, BC you see her happy and your trying not to hurt still. If she was sincerely sorry, she meant it.. If she apologized, you apparently already talked to her about it. You wouldn't be asking others, if you weren't still in love with her. If she moved on fast, there's a reason, maybe you hurt her, and if she messaged you back.. You messaged her 1st? Sounds like love.. Sorry. :( Go get her back. Don't give up. It might be worth it!

[Asker]

I sometimes just get nostalgic over the girl i mentioned in the post since she was my first girlfriend. She's already married though, so there's no point to getting her back. whatever I did in the past, I goofed up somehow. I just question why she bothers to keep in touch with me as a friend. I currently have a girlfriend and have done my best to move on.

[LovePeaceHarmony420]

I don't think of my first love, I actually feel I was NVR with them, and I got prego with his baby at 14. It was my second, that seems like my first, and my 3rd I married BC NY 2nd left me out of no where... N contacted me n brought me back into his life 8 years later.. N for those 7 months, he broke up with me 3 times... N I begged. Married or not if she wants to stay in contact, she still loves you. You NVR know until you try. You don't try, you'll NVR know. If your with someone else, you shouldn't be wanting closure and talking to her, if you weren't second guessing your choices. She moved on BC u hurt her. I'll NVR gave closure with my x, last time I tried I ended up so much more broken..

[LovePeaceHarmony420]

You think of her daily? Miss her daily? Hate seeing her with someone else? Go get her, she denies you keep trying. I denied my husband for a year. He's got me now.. For not giving up.

[MelG23]

She seems open to talking to you so I think it is better to get whatever is bothering you off your chest. If you need closure, it won't go away until you get it. Sometimes it can be hard to move on because we don't fully understand where things went wrong. It may help to discuss it with her and get everything out in the open. I think healing and moving on will be much easier after that.

[tattooedhandfet]

Yes, talk.
Seek your peace, get your closure.
Or build your friendship.
Sounds like it's kinda whatever you choose and where your head is at.

[OlderAndWiser]

You should let it go. Maintaining any contact with her is a mistake. Nothing that she can say to you will make you feel better. Let it go out of respect for yourself.

[matheus_mb]

I don't know if it's worth it since it's long in the past, but do it if you think it'll make you feel better. Just don't act as if you're confronting her.

[10dsw]

Oh man you fucked up on so many levels it's sad...

You need to some serious overhaul in terms of your knowledge of how women work.

[10dsw]

Oh but I will say that I don't blame you... you have been pussy-whipped/brainwashed into thinking that all these feelings and emotions will get you somewhere with women.

Stay strong my friend.

[Anonymous]

no. don't let it go get what u need

[Opinion Owner]

give her a chance to make things right