Should I text my ex?

[Anonymous]

My ex wanted to talk to me and meet up, but after a while we stopped talking, and then he wrote again, the same cycle repeated for two months. And we haven't been in contact since then, of course she has a boyfriend now but she hasn't given any indication of it. But I don't have their number or social media account. Should I contact them on TikTok? Will her boyfriend notice? My intention isn't to break up the relationship, it's to confront it 😢 This person was my boyfriend, and it's been 2 years since our last conversation (I'm writing this from a translation) I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

i am really confused by the way you use pronouns. let me recapitulate:

• you: female
• your ex: he/she/them pronouns? presents as male, therefore ex boyfriend. you last talked to them (?) on and off for 2 months 2 years ago, no contact since then, not even about their new boyfriend. current phone numbers and social media accounts unknown except tiktok, but you want to get into contact with them. gender likely queer or sth else on the lgbtqai+ spectrum
• your ex' current boyfriend: male, has been together with your ex only once you and your ex have stopped writing 2 years ago

or did you make a whole bunch of typoes and it's actually much simpler:

• you: female, likely hetero
• your ex: male, likely also hetero, chance for being bi. you last talked to him on and off for 2 months 2 years ago, no contact since then, not even about his new partner. current phone numbers and social media accounts unknown except tiktok, but you want to get into contact with him (and his partner).
• your ex' current current partner: either male or female, irrelevant to the story. has been together with your ex only once you and your ex have stopped writing 2 years ago, current phone numbers and social media accounts unknown except tiktok, but you want to get into contact with him, too

this doesn't affect my opinion too much, i just wanted to show how confusing your text was. for both cases i'd say:

• do not contact exes that you haven't talked to for 2 years. it almost never amounts to anything good, unless you actually left eachother on somewhat friendly terms, you have grown, your ex likely did, too and you both agreed that contacting eachother at some point in the future is fine. this may apply to him wanting to meet up again 2 years ago and you, too now, but come on, 2 years went by with no words exchanged.
• exes dont usually inform one about their new partners, it's actually quite frowned upon and is seen as very bad manners, jealousy, not being over the past relationship and feeling like they have to prove to you that they can be loved by others and how it's your fault for the relationship failing. it can happen if you ended the relationship on friendly terms, but you haven't been talking in 2 years, so i doubt it was THAT friendly. more than likely your ex is over you by now and has built up his own new life.
• do not confront anyone who isn't your current partner, especially not exes living their own lives, especially not after such a long time of not talking. if you found out that your ex was cheating on you during your relationship, ok, that's a different story, but you dont just warm up a 2 year old conversation like that and burst into their lives. you had your chance once, you broke up. you had a second chance and you stopped talking 2 years ago. this isn't meant to be and its best to just continue your life without any of them in your mind.
• tiktok is essentially a public square and if you bring your relationship drama there, then it's like you're shouting it over the town square for everyone to hear. it's either irrelevant and you didn't need to scream, or it's really juicy and someone who heard it will start to spread it and call attention to it and so on, almost certainly letting people know who you wish they didn't. terrible idea in general, but you could theoretically tell your ex on tiktok to get into contact with you privately. still, i'd avoid doing this. if you can only get into contact with your ex this way, it's likely that he doesn't wish to be contacted by you anymore.

in case the second version is the right one:

• do not under any circumstance (unless your ex cheated on you with his new partner) contact your ex' new partner if you dont know them somewhat well personally from somewhere else. your ex' new partner likely doesn't know about you and definitely doesn't want to be disturbed by you, much less be confronted about anything by a stranger or more precisely their partner's ex. it's very likely that you'd appear as a crazy ex to them. dont be a crazy ex, be a respectful one.

in any case, i'd try to forget about exes and get on with my life. bigger and better things will come and you'll need to be ready for them. if you meet the man of your dreams you cannot be hung up on your ex anymore, you'll have to look your best and be able to do your very best in order for that relationship to work out. if your mind is busy with an ex, no new relationship can ever be successful, because from the point of view of your future partner it's like you're never there, always thinking about another man, which is essentially emotional cheating.

you are 18-24, according to the newest results men's brains aren't fully formed until 25 and you met your ex 2 years ago. assuming he was more or less your age, he very well may have changed to a completely different person. on the other hand, from what i've heard, the best men are all around 30-35. education done, career well on its way, debts paid off, saved some money in the bank, maybe bought a home already, maybe has a nice car or some other luxuries, still great looks, good health, knows how to treat women, has well arrived in adult life and hopefully is content and confident about it, still has parents that he doesn't need to take care of in old age, good genetic material to have kids with, strong, fit, can protect you, has plenty of life experience already and so on. essentially all the upsides of an older guy and of a younger guy without all the downsides of either and still plenty of space for character and further growth, hopefully with you. this is just a personal recommendation based on what i heard, i know you didn't ask, all i'm saying is that early relationships are common to fail, that you have plenty of great choices left and that an ex almost always is a really bad one as proven by the previous breakup.

i wish you all the best and that your life may turn out to be great, that you may meet a wonderful person whom you can start a happily little family with if you so wish and that all your other dreams may also come true - but for all of this you must be focused on all of these and on nothing else, especially not dwell on the past.

ps: it's extremely likely that you'll still have to meet that one person.

[Abbycado]

Why would you need to confront their relationship?

[Asker]

I think the translation mispronounced it; My intention was simply to confront him. But I don't want to do this in a humiliating way; I just want to end the uncertainty, like a friendly conversation :/

[Abbycado]

He is an ex. That means things are over. There doesn't need to be anymore confrontation.

[Alex-Snow]

I think he has discovered that he wants a new relationship or misses the sex etc. But the past is the past. What caused the breakup in the first place. How old is he?

[MrChinaski]

Let it go. You aren't over it yet, according to your own description. Only pain will be produced for everyone involved.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you avoid emotional car crashes and spot red flags before they hit you, gorgeous 💋

Don’t text her. She breadcrumbed you, then moved on, then hid her boyfriend. That’s emotional ghosting with a side of lovebombing history. Confronting her now just reopens your wounds, and her boyfriend might see it anyway. Protect your peace, heal, upgrade your life, and let her stay in the past.

[Asker]

This is difficult, we have an unfinished relationship with him ☹️

[Siggie2]

I think you should get over it. Try to meet new people you love talking to and leave him alone

[In_Trance]

Never