I catch him looking at me and he brushed up against me?

[Anonymous]

There is a guy in my grad school program. We have talked once or twice and have a number of mutual friends. Before and after classes I catch him looking at me a lot, and one time when he walked behind me he brushed up against me very noticeably even though he had plenty of room to go around. We say "Hi" when we see each other and are friends on Facebook, but nothing beyond that. I'm not sure if he might be interested.

The catch is, before all this started I asked him if he wanted to go with me to a basketball game because I had an extra ticket (although it was very clear I wasn't asking him in a date-ish way, I was trying to get the extra ticket used) and he said no, and if he were interested, he probably wouldn't have said no. Then again, the eye contact thing didn't start until after that.

I am frequently told that I am attractive/interesting, but I am pathetically bad at flirting/dating. Help?

[Littletad]

You should have MADE it clear you were wanting to ask him on a date in the first place. Not casually make it seem like it was just a platonic evening between you too. Perhaps that's what got to him. Your in grad school, yet your taking the subtle approach. I would have said no too. Remember that it's not about who makes a first move, but rather that someone does. If you don't want to be turned down, then that's fine. But remember that no one gets anywhere without making a risk.

On a side note. It could be that he's really not interested, but his flirts around class tell a different story. This is all the more reason why you should just ask him what's up.

[Asker]

When I asked about the basketball game it really was super casual. I hadn't given him two thoughts at that point and was really looking for someone to use an extra ticket, not subtly snag a secret date.

[kslayer]

He is interested in you. As for the basketball game he might just not like basketball, he could have already had plans, or he could have just been to nervous about being around you for that long. Also you might think that it was clear you were just trying to use the extra ticket, there is a chance that he didn't understand that. Guys generally think that if a girl is asking them to go somewhere with them that it has to do with dating.

I'm also pretty sure that if someone is attractive/interesting it is impossible for that person to be bad at flirting.

[Asker]

Oh no, trust me, it's possible. The second I realize a guy is hitting on me (which takes an embarrassingly long time, even if they're doing something obvious like keeping their hand on the small of my back), I freeze up and then make an excuse and walk away. I don't know why, I can't seem to function once I realize what's going on.

[intra]

New word for the day...

Frotteurism refers to a paraphilic interest in rubbing, usually one's pelvis or erect penis, against a non-consenting person for sexual gratification. It may involve touching any part of the body including the genital area. A person who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. The majority of frotteurs are male and the majority of victims are female,[1] although female on male, female on female, and male on male frotteurs exist.

[Asker]

I appreciate the input, but it was definitely the shoulder/upper arm region that was brushed. Thanks for the factoid!

[intra]

Meh how hard is it to flirt, bit of eye contact, look gaze in his eyes count to 3 look away, flick your hair, lick your lips, mirror his body, face him, point your toe towards him if you a siting, spread your legs a little if you are standing, 75% of communication is body language...