How do I know if it's over? Will ignoring him bring him back?

My ex sends me mixed signals, and whenever I call him on it, he says sorry and everything he does is platonic and he means none of it. For instance, we decided to be friends after a month of being broken up (which is a joke, I know) and we went out and he kept complimenting my outfit, saying I looked good, tried feeding me bites of his food, and told me how he still didn't tell his dad about us breaking up. Then, we went back to my house to watch a movie and he fell asleep on my shoulder. Of course people only do what you let them, but he said he doesn't want anything but yet he acts like this and I'm still very much in love. He told me that the reason why he's so final about not wanting anything with me "like that again, ever even after college" is because he's felt this way for awhile (we argued a bunch in the end because I picked stupid fights -.-). Even so, I don't see how he can be that way. Before we even went out to eat that night, a week before he told me he thought he spoke too soon about never wanting anything, but he just knew that right now he didn't. Then exactly a week later I called him on it saying if he doesn't want anything, why would he say that and he said "Idk why I said that, because I never want anything." So I stopped talking to him so I could heal...then he told my friend he missed me "as a friend" and hoped I'd come around soon to start talking to him again. So I did. Then we talked on the phone like we used to as best friends for three hours (it didn't mean anything because we used to talk like that all the time when we were best friends before we dated) and he kept saying "aw, you're so cute!" for the dumbest things that weren't even cute. At times, I would say okay I'll let you go now and he'd be like no. It's weird. I don't see friends acting like that. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but when we talk in person or on the phone, he makes me think he has some sort of feelings he's suppressing and through text he is diff prob because he can think about what he's about to say. What do you think? Is he confused? How can I make him like me again if he's confused? I think he doesn't like me like he used to, but I can be the same as I used to was just the arguing that made him not like me. He told someone "I just wasn't feeling it anymore and she changed and I didn't like her anymore" but he acts differently toward me. Like when I gave him the last of his stuff when I put him on no contact, he saw me and said I looked good and tried to hug me. I don't get it. The day after we talked on the phone, he texted me, then nothing the next day and then yesterday he text me and I didn't respond. Is ignoring good? What should I do to get him back?

Also, I feel like with him flip-flopping from one week saying he spoke too soon to the next being so harsh and final, that exposes his confusion.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I will tell you how to get him back but you will have to follow these steps without breaking them. First, he holds the power because he KNOWS how much you care for him. He wants you by his side but he also wants to play the field. Normal dude mentality when they KNOW they got their chick in check. So here is what you do to get him to stop playing games and as you say, "make him like you again." You need to tell him he's a great guy but you think he needs to see other people because he his hurting you. IN OTHER WORDS-YOU NEED TO REJECT HIM. Then, I guarantee you this will happen. He will instantly feel his loss of power over you and will come crawling back. This is simple relationship power dynamics at work here. I would then implement no contact for at least a week to two weeks. Guys really only know what they have until its gone. So in saying that, its up to you after the cooling off period if you want to mess with the dude or not.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well, I can tell you from experience that it is very hard for a guy who's been in a relationship with someone to go back to acting like just friends, even if that's all they really want. As long as he's single, he'll keep treating you, without knowing it, as a girlfriend. If you want him back, I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. I don't know him, so I can't say for sure if he's a great guy, and if he's not a great guy, he could be doing this so that he has you to fall back on if he can't get another girl. I'm not saying that is the case, but I wouldn't want to answer with anything less than complete honesty. Most likely it's just that he's used to treating you a certain way, as a girlfriend, and unless someone keeps pointing it out to him, he'll probably continue to treat you that way without even realizing it. Good luck, and hope this helped!

  • i think he is and dosnt kn ow what he wants, maybe he wants to have fun withother girls then when he is single dosnt like being alone,

    if he genuanlly likes speeking with you on the phone for no reason then he really likes you,

    although fair is fair and that's how boath partners should treat eachother,

    the sad thing is people can try changing people to like them but eventually it dosnt end well

    only you know what the right thing to do

    be fair to yourself first then be fair to your emotions, emotions can cloud anyones judgement, look at the situation from a 3rd person

    and then decide


What Girls Said 9

  • Flip-Floppers are the worst. Look, I know you want him back but I think it would be best if you just end this insanity. You should be able to express your opinion, no matter how 'stupid' it may be...It's your opinion and if you don't express it, then you will end up doing everything he wants, the way he wants and you won't be happy because you are stifled.

    He's just going through relationship withdrawal and misses you. He may have some regrets because of your other great qualities. You are who you are and the sooner you accept it the sooner a guy can accept you for who you are. This just seems like a total waste of your time. A guy that's manipulating you is a waste of your time. For instance it may seem like he's confused after hearing why you broke up, but really he just wants to know if he can get you back. I wouldn't read anything into it. Just move'll save yourself a lot of drama. KRL

    I think it's over, but you decide when that happens...I'm older so, I know women always decide what happens. Also, when a guy starts blaming you for arguments always remember that it takes two to argue. Leave him alone before he breaks your heart by getting you caught up in confusing and game playing.

  • I don't think he is confused. I think he is mourning the end of a relationship.

    Even if he ended it, that doesn't mean he doesn't miss certain things. He misses talking to you. He misses having fun with you. But he is trying to make it clear that even if he does miss those things, he doesn't want to have a relationship again.

    Sometimes guys will get out of a relationship, get lonely and think that if they say "Hey this isn't a serious relationship" the girl understands that he doesn't want anything serious even if you guys sleep together or are there for each other. He thinks that if you are doing these things too, you are agreeing to that. That you are mourning the loss of the relationship too and you guys are in some sense helping each other heal from it and then move on. But what's important to understand is that the intention isn't to heal the relationship but to heal yourselves together. In other words, help each other heal so you can find new relationships in life and not be so down till that happens.

    I know that is so hard to hear but statements like him saying he doesn't want anything even after college is a pretty definite statement. I know as a woman we think we can say that one day and then the next say we love him again, but men just aren't as emotional as us. He isn't saying 'never again' in the emotion of the moment. He is really saying never again. If he wanted you to know he missed you, he would have told you. It sounds like he is just talking out his sadness with a friend and it got back to you.

    I know you want to get him back but my concern is you aren't going to get all of him back. He may come back and occasionally have sex or occasionally have a talk but if he is saying things like 'never again', I think you are going to get your heartbroken. Cause I think you are going to hold onto until he finds someone else and that will just kill you.

    I think you need to realize that even if he says a nice thing occasionally or does a nice thing every now and then, his overall life is him moving on. So I hope you can try some what to do that too.

  • He's trying to make you a friend with benefits. He obviously doesn't want a relationship with you anymoer but he still as feelings and still wants to be close to you. This isn't good for yourself and it isn't good for anyone who is still in love with the person and very much into them.

    He is giving you huge mixed signals which I wouldn't appreciate at all. the guy needs to find his heart and figure out where it is exactly, he cannot bend his way through you and expect you to allow everything he wants.

    You need make a very harsh stand on this boy because he is fooling you around. Telling his friend one thing and telling y our friend he misses you as a friend then to your face acting completely different. Can you not see its one big act?

    Ignoring is very good, to an extent.

    Make it very clear to him that you are not going to hurt yourself anymore and that your going to be happy and carry on with your life. Do not talk about you as a pair anymore..

    Say your getting on with it because you are not a couple anymore so there is no need to meet up and watch films and talk for hours on the phone.

    (Even if this hurts you, it has to be done)

    This boy needs to figure out where he is at and if he doesn't have you to use up his time then he'll have to think things through.

    So, here's what I would do and its totally up to you whether you follow through or not.

    - One last text, email, phone call, or meeting to say that it's it. (no more meeting, texting, phone calls)

    He may beg for your friendship but say something simple like "no. we both need to want to be friends to have friendship and you knw that isn't happening right now."

    - Do not text him or call him or anything.

    - Do not answer his calls or any communication he may try to make with you. (atleast for 2/3 weeks)

    If he continues calling and ringing like a month later.

    Answer this call or text and see what he has to say (dont put too much imput into the conversation)

    If he is still making out like he wants to be friends then say to him, "i done this for a reason" You don't want to be frinds with him honestly, he's very confused.

  • He's playing you! You are his ex, and he obviously hasn't gotten over his feelings for you. But he isn't however, committed to you like he should. He likes that your always around and it's no strings attached. But he doesn't respect you! Otherwise he wouldn't put you in a position where you aren't sure of his feelings like this, or keep playing games. If you can just be friends nothing more, than go for it. Tell him you don't want another relationship with him and do not flirt back. If you can't help it, or start falling for his old ways just move on. He's not worth your time

  • hmm, I had a guy like this but it was every other month

    then I have anotehr one on my hands right now

    that says to my friends he misses me but not to tell me

    i would say ignore I'm for like a week he will either break down and tell you how he really feels or not do anything at all tell him you wanna know his honest feelings! I realized this when I landed myself with a hard up guy that wouldn't talk about his feelings at all

    another thing would b like set somebody up to like hold ur hand or something and do it and front of him, he may break down and tell you he loves you and needs you back idk, there is multiple things you can do

  • I don't think he's playing you. /i think he is sincerely confused and has the right to be. We';re young and men are built polygamous. I think its mature of him to test the waters before settling. Having said that, women are biologically invested in a few guys because that's best for their needs. Separate yourself from and if he doesn't like it, say that it isn't fair to you. If he's for real, he'll be back. Interestingly, at the end, you will the upper hand to decide if you want him too.

  • You have a sticky situation on your hands. Yes, it does appear that he is confused and does not know what he want. He may still like you "for your looks" but not the way you are as a person and if I was you I would just move on. He may be holding on to what you guys had in the past--not now. You have to really think if the relationship is worth it and if you guys do in fact get together will it be the same.

    When you're best friends with a guy and you guys either date or sleep together it sometimes can be difficult to be friends again--due to the fact its a bit awkward. So you would have to think is it worth your time and energy in the relationship. Good Luck girl. =)

  • honey this relationship is so complicated, but I think you shuldn't deal with him 4 a while and jus keep bein friends. He's makin you desperate, and should definilty tak a break on him 4 a while, or he'll kno that yo want him, and use someting against that. And to me it seems that he doesn't really kno what he wants, and sometimes he wants a friend and other time he wants lust. SO HE NEEDS TO PICK ONE

  • Maybe he does has some figuring out to do. You cannot make anyone like you.The right relationship is where the other person chooses you as much as you choose him. Let him know that you want no contact unless his needs and yours match, then implement. Good luck.

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