Is my best guy friend avoiding me, or am I just feeling paranoid? Please help!

[Anonymous]

OK, so we have known each other for about a year, and it has always been great. We always joke around, tell each other stuff, so I could say we were pretty close. He even said on several occasions that we are good friends, and he would tell me about the girls that he finds attractive. I had to admit that I did end up liking him but I never told him since he like the other girls, so there is no point to tell him anyway. Not to mention, I don't think I would be brave enough to tell a guy things like that.

He suspects that I like him, because the things he did really made me think he does. I am stopping myself to like him because there is just no point to continue, and I am happy to just be friends with him. But this is what confuses me. I am not sure what happened but all of a sudden, we are talking a lot less now. When we hang out together with friends, he would sit away from me, or basically be away from me. (I thought we were friends?) At one point I turned my head and saw him looking at me, and then he looked away. But if I am just a friend, as he like to point that out, then why is he doing this, and not actually just talk to me? I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I don't even know what to say to him when I see him. And I have to say that it makes things really awkward. I have considered asking a mutual friend about it, but I just can't get myself to bring it up, because I do not know who I can trust. Can you please tell me, or at least give some suggestions, as to what is going on? It is really frustrating, and it is not like I can just not see him because we are in the same circle of friends so we hang out every so often. He was also someone I thought I could trust.

Any answer is appreciated, thanks.

[Aapuc]

In short answer, he doesn't like you as more than a friend. There is only two reasons why a guy would talk about the other girls he likes. Either he wants to make you jealous that he likes other girls, or he is trying to hint at the fact that he only sees you as friends. In this case, he only sees you as a friend. He has probably thought about what it would be like dating you, but for whatever reason, just doesn't love you. My guess is that you have dropped a lot of hints that you like him that you think he is not picking up on, but he is actually just ignoring them because he doesn't want to confront you about it. Its easier for guys to ignore the signs then to confront situations.

He is now at the point where he doesn't want to lead you on anymore but still doesn't want to confront you. So he is starting to distance himself from you so you will get a more subtle hint that really doesn't like you in that way.

So, you need to decide if you want to keeping trying with him or just be friends. If you keep trying with him you have the risk of making it even more awkward among each other and your mutual friends. If you decide to move on and just be friends, you'll have to start sending signals that your just friends. Ask him advice about another guy you may like. What ever makes him feel like your just friends.

I hope this helps! and I also hope that this works out for you whatever you decide!

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply, Aapuc. I have considered what you've said, but the thing is, I am not the one who is dropping lots of hints - he is. He is the one that puts his arms on my shoulder when we talk, the one who asked to hug me (very tightly), the one who tease me and call me names all the time, the one who give me the stares with those eyes... just to name a few. I am a girl and I'll start liking a guy if he has at least a decent/non-lopsided appearance and if he treats me like that.

[Asker]

I would much prefer it if we are just friends. Every time we hang out with friends I treat him like I would treat every guy friend I have. I do try to give give signals that we are just friends, but I think somehow he still assumes that I like him. He always tease me about liking another guy friend, and I get annoyed since I don't like that guy friend that way. I kind of get back at him by asking why he hasn't asked that girl that he thought was good looking out yet.

[Asker]

I've tried saying that I like other guys, and really hoping that he could just treat me like a friend. But for some reason it is just so difficult! Like it is either all that super friendliness that make me like him, or that awkward avoiding me thing that he does. I just want a friend, and I thought he would be one.

[RedCoatCece]

Hai!
Girl i have the same problem. The only difference in my case is that i told him im in loe with him. And you know what? He was in love with me too. But we didn't end up dating cuz we wanted to stay friends. The else here is the same. He started to avoid me, just some day like there'd be this "click" and he'd just decide im not there anymore. I don't know what to do either.
Tho in your case i think you should decide first what you want. To be his friend or more. Cuz if you don't know by yourself what you want how is he supposed to know. I guess you should give yourself some time and decide and when you're ready to clear things up just tell him how you decided. Then you'll see whats next. I wish you good luck and don't worry whatever your decision will be it'll be the right one (:
-xo