Why did my ex ask me to lunch?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of four years and I broke up nearly 3 years ago. He has been in a serious relationship with the same girl since then. To my knowledge, they are still together. Last year around this time we met for happy hour and we have exchanged a few "catch up" e-mails since then. He asked me to happy hour a couple of months back, but I didn't think it was right because he had a girlfriend so I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. Last week he asked me to meet him for a quick lunch and I did. The conversation was great and we laughed a lot about old times. He never mentioned his girlfriend and I'm not sure she knows about our visit. My questions is, what were his intentions? Guys, if you were in a serious relationship of 3 years, would you pursue visits with an ex? I am starting to feel guilty about this.

[teesand]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You had lunch with a guy. You must still think he's an ok guy or you wouldn't have had lunch. You could just ask him directly. Why not? You have nothing to lose. What if he does want to get back with you. Have you thought about what your response might be. Is that why you are feeling guilty?

To answer your specific question. I might call an ex because I'm getting very serious with someone new and I want to check in with someone from my past and see if I have any doubts about getting more involved with the current girlfriend. Or the current relationship could be going poorly and I'm just trying to go back to a better time.

Another thing is that sometimes us guys don't get things until later. There is at least one girl I regret breaking up with because I just didn't know what I had at the time. Sometimes it takes us a few years to appreciate some one from our past.

[Asker]

Thanks! I only got a couple of responses, but luckily yours was very helpful!

[almoni]

I would suggest directly (or indirectly) to ask him about his current relationship and what are his intentions...If he is not happy with his current relationship and checking you "as an option" by seeing you behind his girlfriend back - you shouldn't feel guilty. But it shows about his personality. How would you feel if it was you (on her place...) Of course, having lunch with an old (I now you young :) ) good friend is not an infidelity...yet...but I think it is not a very big step to eventually cheating. Don't avoid red flags. Do you really need this kind of a person back into your life ? I suppose you broke for a reason. What have changed ?

[s-kmccahon]

i know I'm not a guy but I know a lot about this, I have an older brother. Since you guys went out for such a long time, he probably misses you, but not like that. He probably justa wants you in his life.as a friend. Don't overanalyze things between you guys. You just need to mak sure you don't get so close to him that you wind up ruining his relationship. Take things slow and just become friends again.