Why does she still call me? It's just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

It's been like 2 months now. I have not moved on at all and am still very much in love with her (blah blah.. and all that)

Anyway, I'm getting on with my own life and doing well, but I still think about her most of the time.

I've told her that I am still very much in love with her, and that I need to stop being in love with her to move on. (She said, "but I don't think either of us will ever FULLY move on"... [What's that supposed to mean!?]).

She's told me a few weeks ago that she's in the early days with another guy.. painful to hear but OK, she's moved on, cool, I accept that.

So...why does she still call me like at least once a week? The chats are always friendly and go on for a loooooong time each time (8 hours once). There was even talk recently about meeting up soon.

I asked her recently ONLY to call me if it's REALLY important, because when I speak to her it just makes me miss her loads afterward and it slows down my moving on.

But when she calls me it's always for 'some reason'. "Oh do you still have my [whatever]?" When it's obvious I don't.

I love talking to her, but it's quite painful because it just makes me want to hug her (and all the other stuff that heartbroken guys say).

I've stopped complementing her all the time and pouring my heart out to her in case that's just the reason she's calling (selfish validation and all that) but she still calls me for these chats.

If she has a new man in her life, why does it even occur to her to call me? She shouldn't give 2 bits of cr*p about me anymore and focus on her new guy!

She now has a boyfriend! What's she doing arranging to meet up with her ex boyfriend, who has repeatedly told her he's not over her and still loves her?

If I were the new boyfriend I'd be like...err...'Why?'

Really beats me. And (clichéd as it is), it IS really playing with my heart.

Is this just something girls do?

I told her a few weeks ago that I genuinely want to marry her, maybe that's why.

Maybe it's because I don't make any effort to contact her, and when we speak I tell her how awesomely I'm doing, and that makes her miss me (or jealous?)

Or maybe I'm just overthinking it, and she's just not 'hearing' me tell her about my feelings and needing to move on, and she's just trying to be friends.

Any suggestions would be appreciated (especially a girls insight).

[Allicat8318]

If she is inventing reasons to get in contact with you, she may still have feelings for you. I know that when I start seeing someone new, my ex is usually the last person in my mind. Along these lines, the new relationship may not be a serious one...because if she was really into the guy, she probably wouldn't contact you so often and instead spend her time building the new relationship rather than bolstering an old one. It could easily be a rebound and there may be many things in her current relationship that remind her of the one she had with you...which could lead to the contact.

Depending on the type of girl she is, she may also be in it for the attention. Girls love feeling special and having more than one guy fawn over you can be a huge ego boost. She may also want to see if you're jealous of her new relationship. ...Or maybe she's holding on to some notion that you'll do the Disney thing and rush in professing your feelings and sweep her away...

I would suggest being blunt and honest with her. Tell her that you want to move on (if that is what you want) and you cannot do that while she is still trying to be your best friend. Also, tell her that you cannot keep talking with her while she has another guy in her life. Make her choose, and don't let her keep you on the back burner. It will hurt if she chooses the other guy, but at least then you'll have definite closure and every time you have those warm fuzzy feelings about her, you can remind yourself that she already made the choice and you can use that to move forward. (And that's a one time hurt vs the perpetual pain these constant phone calls are inflicting...)

[MysticMoon901]

She likes the attention lol. It is simple as that some girls like to have that one guy to always turn to when there are no other guys around. Sometimes we need the attention, even I am guilty of doing this before. It's hurtful I understand, but guys do it too, my ex was just pulling that sh*t with me actually. She most likey doesn't want a relationship, just for you to always be there as her backup flirt to make herself feel better, sad but true. you should start ignoring her phone calls and tell her to talk to her boyfriend and not you. How are you suppose to move on and be happy if she is always up your ass looking for compliments? She wants you always strung around on her little finger, and its up to YOU to put a stop to that. Put your foot down boy and say enough of the bullsh*t. I agree you can be friends, but not until you are 100% over her and can resist her. Just tell her how it is...stop complimenting her, ignore texts/calls or keep the conversations short, and DO NOT and I do repeat..DO NOT say you love her or anything borderlining that. That is just what she wants to hear so you need to keep it to yourself. You may still love her and I'm sorry for what you are going through it really does suck I kno exactly how you feel..but its time to let it go. Go out and have fun hun and get you a new gal that will care about you like a real woman should!:)

[PanteraJenn]

Sounds like she still has feelings for you, If I were in this situation, I'd cut off all contact. It is the only way you're going to move on. My ex would still come around for a booty call, I gave in a few times, and each time I did it only set me back farther. I finally told him no, it was painful to do so since he was the love of my life, but I had to do it for me. We haven't spoken in 3 months and it has really helped me move on. I know I will always love him and no other will compare, but I won't allow someone to toy with my emotions like that.

[Wlad14]

Well I know EXCATLY how you are feeling. our situation is very similar. the only difference is that As of yesterday, I've cut her off. told her not to reach out unless it's a death. She is talking to you to ease her pain. the only reason she calls that one day of the week, is to comfort herself when she hits her lowest point. THAT POOR GUY she's seeing , she alreday knows he is not the one, or else she wouldn't be talking to you. CUT HER OFF and let her deal with it herself. Believe it when I say I know how F*ck*n hard it is to let go, but the more you holdn on , the more you will be hurting.

[Anonymous]

I think one of your suspicions is correct, she is searching for self validation. It sounds like from what you say she is the one who ended the relationship. Either way if it is supposed to be over and you want to get over her just ignore her. Don't even answer her calls. She'll think you're a jerk but who really cares in the long run. You've got to do what is best for you now.

[Juliana777]

Agreed!

[bjs09]

she likes the attention you give her. she wants to have her cake and eat it too - keep you on a leash to make her feel loved and good about herself, and also she has you as a back up plan. then she gets to date around, play the field, see what else is out there and get with other guys. you need to give her a slap, ignore her phone calls and move the f*** on.

[eirelady]

hi sounds to me like she stil has feelings for you ... I've done the same on one occasion, its like she's afraid to completely break away in case its a wrong move. My suggestion is maybe not to be there for her calls for a while , let her get her own head straight, even if she is with another guy , it doesn't necessarily mean that it will stay that way. Give it a small break and maybe in a week or two ask her to either make up her mind or let you get on with your life?