How to stop freezing up when approaching girls?

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

I often encounter women in public transport that glare at me. If I like the girl I try to look back and smile, sometimes they notice it sometimes not. When I got off the train today this happend while we were waiting for the train to stop and the doors to open. She looked directly at me and smiled, I smiled back looking into her eyes. Then she turned around and started playing with her hair, while glaring at me. After we got out she glared back a couple of times, probably waiting for me to make a move. I just froze and didn't knew what to do next, I wanted to talk to her but didn't knew what to say. Situations like this have happend to me multiple times and everytime I froze. I don't want to freeze anymore, I would like to talk to her and eventually ask her number or something. How do I stop this from happening and what can I say to her?

[Anonymous]

A lot of these girls may not want you to make a move, they probably just want attention.

However, the reason why you freeze is because you are placing females on a pedestal. You need to remember that firstly, how they look is often enhanced with 20lbs of clever makeup, and that they sit on the toilet farting and straining like any other normal human being.

If you build up the wall in your mind, perhaps you will never be able to climb it.

However the best way to overcome this is to just talk to every girl you see, and every person you see. When you can talk to anyone, then you can talk to any girl. I used to approach girls all over the place and started out by asking for directions, then just randomly talking to girls everywhere... then I realized it was a waste of my time lol.

I can talk to any girl and the trick is to remember that you are the prize, and they need to give you a reason to continue talking to them. For example, say you approach a girl and shake her hand, you pause at some point giving her time to qualify herself to you!

If you approach and she is receptive, why should that mean she has your attention and time? why not let her qualify to you why she should have it...

[glenns]

PART I:
This is some very good, solid advice. I never took similar advice, given to me by friends over 20 years ago. I stand here staring at the 40 year mark with no relief in sight; the shy man is still every bit as shy as he was 20 years hence. NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN THE 20 YEARS. I feel a strong connection to that person I was in 1998 (but if I were asked in 1998 what will I be like in the year 2018, the person I would have formed in my mind would be radically different than who I am now. And who I am now hasn't changed! Like I said, NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN 20 YEARS.)

[glenns]

PART II:
What does not changing mean? It means that if you don't find the needed skills to resolve your social anxieties now, then you will find that, in the year 2038 (and the year 2038 is going to arrive far faster than you fucking think! You think I'm fucking lying? I'm not), you will still be alone. As the years march on, you will feel like you're getting a hold on your shyness problem. But understand that this is a lie from yourself to yourself. Proof: if you're staring to get your shyness under control; when self confidence arrives, then approach a girl. I don't care how long you've known her, if she looks available, then approach her. Can't do it? Didn't think so. Proof that your self confidence was a lie all along.

[Opinion Owner]

@glenns I do think that cold approaches can feel unnatural and forced sometimes though and that can be part of why a guy feels odd about it. It's much better when circumstances naturally occur to allow a new connection. So even though it's good to have the confidence to approach, it feels so much better when you meet a girl spontaneously and naturally through an encounter or unforced connection.

For example we had this new temp girl that joined and I thought she was really cute. A lot of guys approached her but I didn't. I did use eye contact and she smiled at me a few times when she noticed.

Later she was sent to do a job collecting work from my area and she was having trouble finding some equipment and I made a joke about using money bribes to get them, then later she came back with a joke about how she had to sell a kidney to finally get the equipment she needed. Then I asked what her name was, then she asked mine and so on.

Cold approach would have not been the same.

[Cartouk]

Immersion therapy: every day ask the one pretty girl if she knows what time it is. after a week or two as you start to get comfortable asking for the time add in another harmless question or piece of small talk rinse repeat until you find yourself holding an entire conversation an attractive woman with out having a nervous breakdown. It's the recommend therapy for exactly this kind of social anxiety. If at the beginning you're unable complete the question before the anxeity take hold don't give up try to do better the nest day even if better is only a improvement of a single extra syllable, It's still an improvement. Never stop moving forward. I'll be Rooting for you, bro.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thank you so much. Thats actually solid advice. I will practice the way you suggested.

[Cartouk]

Another thing people can be assholes so don't let that get you down either

[lumos]

Well first of all stop seeing girls as some sort of thing you need to conquer, see them as human beings. I find that the less pressure you put on yourself to "get" the girl and focus more on just getting to know her, you won't freeze up as much or feel like there's a wall between you and her. Would you ever freeze up like that if you had to talk to a man? Probably not, so don't treat girls any differently. We're not any more special than other humans.
If it helps, you could probably also remind yourself of a few basic questions you can ask someone to get to know them. Like ask what their name is, what they study, if they enjoy it, or what field they're working in etc. Getting the conversation off the ground with those basic questions will help, and then you can adjust your questions or comments based on how the conversation evolves.

[lumos]

Also read body language and tone. If she comes off as distant, gives really short answers and doesn't ask you any questions back, chances are she's not interested. So wrap up the conversation and be like "well it was nice to meet you, take care".

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks for the advice. I usually ask those basic questions when meeting new people. I just need to practice in settings where I am not comfortable enough. I put to much pressure on myself thats all.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

As for the body language comment. I can read body language quite well, learned it by watching people in pubs and reading about it. I know I can read it because I've used it before when talking to women in pubs (where I feel comfortable enough).

Thanks for the reminder of the importance of it though.

[lumos]

Unfortunately even people who are ok at reading body language might ignore signals of disinterest in others if they get too excited or nervous to notice them. And since you mentioned how you freeze up out of nervousness, I figured you might fall into that category without you yourself even knowing it.

[Nyx_85]

Ctrl+Alt+Del?

JK. by the way I'm guessing English isn't your first language but 'glare' means to stare at someone in an angry way. I doubt that's what you meant.

Anyway... I know it may seem counterproductive, as you want to find someone to date... but stop thinking about them as potential dates. At least for the moment. Think of them as more like long time friends. Don't approach them like you know them (that's creepy) but have that mindset. But think of them as someone you can joke around with and just chill with. When you think of a chick as this beautiful and mysterious unattainable creature that can turn into a screaming banshee that will unleash the oh no scary rejection upon you then you're setting yourself up for disappointment right from the get go.

[Nyx_85]

*oh so scary

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks for the advice, I will keep it in mind next time.

Ps. Yes English is my second language. I knew glaring wasn't right but couldn't think of any other word. I actually meant glancing. Thanks for pointing it out.

[Loveherbut]

Ctrl+Alt+Del thats the most amazing reply I've ever seen for my many years in gag

[Nyx_85]

@Loveherbut "Loveherbut" is the most amazing username I've ever seen.

[maddog998]

I find it has to do with self confidences. My best advice to you is try it with a girl (friend) to boost your confidence up and then hopefully you'll never freeze up again. All you have to do it give yourself a kick in the ass and go for it :) Always tell yourself that when you freeze up :)

[SarahsSummer]

Just say hi. From breaking the ice there, if you get a decent reaction tell her you take the train daily and haven’t seen her before. Then introduce yourself and tell her you hope to see her again. Then go on your way.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Problem is you never see the same person again, the chance I encounter her again is minimal. You have to act right in that moment, you only part ways if you are either rejected or got her number. If you don't do that the chance is you are never going to see her again.

Thats why the pressure is so high (at least I feel like it is).

I will keep the first part of your advice in mind "just say hi".

[SarahsSummer]

So tell her “... I hope to see you again but I’m case I don’t put your number in my phone (hand her your phone). Get the number and say “great, thanks” and go on your way.

[fuzzyllama]

Ahh that sounded like an ideal opportunity to make an approach! But it's cool, we all freeze up. Next time take some deep breaths and approach her, it sounds like she was interested, especially the smiling and playing with her hair, signalled she wanted you to approach. It's difficult, but like the rest of the guys have said, try approaching a girl every day, either pay her a compliment or asking for directions etc, you'll soon get your confidence up. Wishing you all the best! Keep us updated on how your progress goes!

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks, got this advice from other people in the comment section too. That means its solid advice.

[Levin]

I think perseverance might be best, set yourself some goals and challenges. For example, I'm going to go on omegle and try and talk to some female strangers cold. I always find that a challenge. But don't sweat it, it happens to everybody. Definitely perseverance and courage though. I mean, it happens with me. Where some woman starts talking to me out of nowhere and it totally throws me. And sometimes I bow out when it was obviously a good opportunity and she was interested. So trying to continue for long enough to find a rhythm, even if it isn't going well at first, is key.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks, defenitely doing that. I just need to practice.

[Fred0]

To help your freezing problem, I'd recommend watching breaking bad. Bryans character really changes from a confidence stand point throughout the series. Another way is to suck it up and be real with the women you meet. Whats the harm of asking them "hey my name is _____, I'd like to take you out for some coffee (or grab a bite to eat your choice) what do you have to lose you don't know her and worst case you will get is she will say "no thank". Thank her for the time and continue with someone else.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks that is strange but good advice.

Ps. Only problem with Bryans character is that he became too confident/dominant for his own good.

[Fred0]

Make direct eye contact as well, posture should be straight also. And the woman you see are most likely feeling the same way you are, don't know how to communicate with a random person. I like that one guy that you picked as the best reply on your question with asking for time. You can always get a quick answer.

[SaltyBooze]

"sorry, hi! my name is [insert your name here], nice to meet you. i just, you know, didn't want this to be like it always is: like, we just pass each other, and we never talk. and i feel kinda like were working ants, you know, always on our ways to something, but never having the time to actually meet someone? i just wanted to be like a real person. have a conversation. get to know you." dont touch. dont spell it out like you're a machinegun. if she acts like she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to talk. apologize, and go your merry way. again, dont touch, can't stress that enough. unless she shows you her hand to shake, then you shake it normally. dont worry about sweatness, dont worry about people looking, dont worry about it not working. it doesn't really matter if it doesn't work, you're not losing anything, you're just opening yourself to the possibility of it working. stay safe, dont stalk anyone, and take care

[Partywithtom]

Honestly do it. all. day. eberyday. Keep fucking up over and over. You'll absolutely make a fool out of yourself but eventually you'll start to find the times you get. rejected funny and you won't. care anymore. I tried to immediately embarrass myself from the get-go because then I have nowhere to go but up and in doing so they generally let their guard down because I'm not trying to act "cool" and then at that point I just think to myself while I embarrass myself this much I can't get worse and then I'm just relaxed. Intentionally trip yourself say something absolutely stupid anything just to make yourself look ridiculous and then you just kind of laughed to yourself about it and then keep going

[Caaarl]

You got to keep doing it until it's natural to you. One of the best ways to get over rejection is to get rejected so many times that it doesn't even matter anymore to you. Not that you were freezing up because of rejection. You were overwhelmed by pressure. Confronting this pressure more and more will help you adapt to it.

[kharos]

One lucky f*ck are you. =D
I'm ugly as a pickle and even shy as you. xD
I'd suggest man up and just ask some typical Hi how are questions with a following of do you have any social media to text on etc, first of all why not? Whats the worst that could happen? Say no, thats all move on. If its a success then congrats bro, your a champ.
Play a little shy, don't be too rude and overly questioning that makes her uncomfortable.
But as a pickle I cannot tell any serious advice. =D

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

I wouldn't consider myself lucky. Yes I get noticed a often enough but I am often too anxious to approach them, because of this I always beat myself up over it and feel like shit the next few days. I always keep wondering ''what if''.

I am probably never going to see that girl again, I blew it.

Like me you just need to practice and get confident/comfortable enough to say hi. I have known a lot of guys where are as you would say are ugly as a pickle and they still have beautiful girlfriends, its because of their confidence not looks. These guys are doing better than me even though I would be considered more attractive.

And you know what? There are girls that are too anxious to talk to me. A few weeks ago in the pub I was drinking with some friends and the girl behind to bar (pub is inside my university) was too anxious to ask me a simple question and asked my lady friend instead (I know this because my lady friend told me).

Hang in there and just practice, you will get there.

[Alibaster]

I'm not sure you know what glaring means. Glaring is when people give you an angry look. Anyways just start with a simple "Hi" and see if she's interested in continuing. If her response looks and sounds like "Who is this why are you talking to me" drop it.

[Anonymous]

When you recognize something like that just say anything. Stand close, engage her somehow, it doesn’t matter if you have nothing to say as long as you put her in a position where you acknowledge each other as if you’re about to have a conversation.

Eg you stand close say hi and keep looking at her, smile, make eyes and what not. It’ll make a girl who isn’t interested uncomfortable but a girl who is interested in the way that you noticed will appreciate you closing in. Once she acknowledges you then she basically has to say something to you. That or you’re just going to stand there making eyes at each other, which really would be all that bad anyway. Someone will say something before long.

[VinChin]

Shit man kinda was like you...
I have zero fear of rejection or any of that shit.
Got it all my life meh, take a chance say hi, who the F cares.
However if you have anxiety etc whole other ball game.
Just try aye, my advice I approach girl's every weekend, half don't even take notice.
Hope you can do it 💪

[CheckPlease]

My advice is to just walk over dont think or wonder what to say just put one foot infront of the other and walk over.
After be nice and say hi.
Its baby steps and practice man nothing else will help that social skill.

[thenewgirlll]

If this happens it means you are pretty attractive so this is a bonus, I find that situation really cute, just say hi, sometimes conversations happens smoothly without forcing anything.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Your comment made my day. I was beating myself up over it today but now I feel better. I will keep your advice in mind "Just say hi".

Ps. Many people have said I am attractive (except for most males) but I still don't believe it. I feel like they are lying. Probably because I often have low-selfesteem.

[thenewgirlll]

I'm happy it made your day :)
Most boys wouldn't compliment other guys.

[torwulf]

3 second rule, approach immediately. Don't think, just act. Say the first thing that pops into your head. You'll get used to this if you do it often enough and things will start to feel natural. Ready, fire, aim. That's the name of the game.

[torwulf]

It can also help to hype yourself up, tell you're self something like "i am confident, i am powerful, i am bold". Stand up straight, chin up with a smile. Good posture and a smile actually makes you feel more confident.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks, I usually use this strategy in pubs and bars. I will try to apply it in this new situation.

[Anonymous]

you have to just say hi , that's all. don't think of some fancy pick up line or story to tell her. that's all you have to do and then she will respond happily because you said she smiled and looked at you. most girls are shy so simply saying hi will allow her to talk to you.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks makes me feel a bit better.

[Anonymous]

You freeze because of fear, fear of rejection. Don't think too hard. Just go over to her and say 'hi'. What's the worse that can happen? She ignores you? Maybe gives you a look as if saying, what? Just be confident. Dress proper. Brush your teeth. Girls often hate it when guys have a bad breath. Don't smoke, like in the pic. Don't listen to these morons. Most of them are only makin fun of you. A simple hi, how are you with a smile never offends any girl.
Hope that helps bruh. Good luck 👍

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

I know I must get out of my head. When I talk to girls in pubs or bars (which gives me less anxiety) I usually talk without thinking. I know its the best way but its hard to apply in situations I don't feel comfortable yet.

Thanks for the advice.

[Opinion Owner]

Just smile and say 'hi'. Simple. If she ignores you, move on. If she smiles back then give her a compliment maybe? Worth a shot.
Glad to help my brother from another mother 👍

[Opinion Owner]

Also if she seems interested, don't forget to exchange numbers.

[demaryoung]

You just have to be confident bro. There is not much to it. If a girl gives you signs just ask her out or ask for her number. What I know is that girls appreciate confident guys. I approached a girl (although im in high school) and asked her out and she said she liked me bcs I was so confident. That may be the secret ingredient. Just do it.

[shan_shan]

Sing a song... a love song like just way you are and directly freezing your eyes on her then ask her what she thinks of it if says its good then tell her thats how you feel about her

[Prof_Don]

Say hello & introduce yourself, & exchange contact info.

The most important thing is to be able to contact her later, especially in public when you may never see her again

[floridakristi]

Trying to flirt, cold, I'm personally turned off. When I'm in public transportation, flirting is the last thing on my mind. If you're freezing, IMHO you're trying to hard. Breathe. Smile. Be polite. Make dates in familial situations.

[daydreammarie]

Glaring isn't good thing... if a woman glares at you, you should probably stop talking to her...

[Nyx_85]

Lol that's what I was thinking but then I saw he's from the Netherlands so English probably isn't his first language.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Thanks for pointing it out, English isn't my native language. I meant glancing.

[daydreammarie]

Ah. That is what I figured but you never know. Lol. I get that way with guys and when I do get up the courage to say something it is rather cringe worthy. But it still is progress and something. Over time once you associate with them and get more comfortable around them it becomes easier in a sense. And if you get a nice girl she will see you are a bit shy and try to hold the conversation and make you relax. It's cute when guys are shy. :-) lol

[tytool1993]

I wish I could notice or have shit like that happen to me. Just go for it, you never seen the girl before so why would asking her out to a coffee or dinner be bad? It's either a yes or no and you move on knowing the what if.

[BeNiceToGirls]

It's not hard to get girls. There are guys who never approach women because women constantly approach them.

In 2018 if you have to put effort into getting a girl, you've already lost.

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Not where I live, most girls still expect the guy to make the first move.

[peedy]

You can't just learn to use it to your advantage, example when I would talk I'd trip over my tongue kinda like stuttering and dyslexia combined into one, but over time I used as a ice breaker and joked about and then gradually went away

[TinaSP]

Why guys always want stranger girls they see in buses or trains?

[Sky205]

Mystery and love for the chase.. also instant attraction

[TinaSP]

Fan of rom coms?

[Sky205]

Yes sure

[torwulf]

Instinct. We're programmed to be automatically at least mildly interested in any attractive woman.

[TinaSP]

Its the 3rd question here about guys asking how get stranger girls they met in transportation. Its like a research for bad porn

[torwulf]

How else are you supposed to meet a woman if you don't go to bars/clubs?

[TinaSP]

Not inside a bus

[torwulf]

Again? Where else? And how is a bus any different from the street, a store, a park, or anything else?

[TinaSP]

Because its full of pervs tryig to rub their dicks on girls

[torwulf]

And what if you're not a perve?

[TinaSP]

Thats why its hard. Proving you are the good guy in the middle of creep ville is tough

[ElvenMr]

Eevery girl is a stranger, if you've never met them before, who cares what place you try. But i wouldn't try to talk to some girl with the intention to get to know them on a bus or train which is crowded. On the street yes, why not.

[syxibxni]

And not every country's bus has lots of pervs or weirdos in them. I have friends who met strangers on the bus and became friends.

[TinaSP]

Yeaaah. Still not convinced its the best place to approach someone

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Where I live public transport is full of students like myself because of this you encounter a lot of attractive women in a short amount of time. The chance you encounter the same girl twice is minimal (makes rejection easier). I want to use this to my advantage.

Also I feel like its a bit romantic (like in the movies) but maybe thats just me.

[TinaSP]

Thats a nice thought.

[Lieseeker]

Where as many layers as possible, especially in summer with all the yellow polka-dotted, itsy, bitsy, bakeeneez.

[sodaslut]

UH imagine that they have a dick? because i'm sure you don't freeze at guys right haha but be sure to not treat them like dudes (-: we're human

[AllThatSweetJazz]

That’s definitely not the issue. He obviously has even less interest in talking to guys. So that really would t help.

[OralMayhem]

Add to the fact once you open your mouth and that smell of cigarettes hits them in the face your chances got even worse...

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

I don't smoke, for some reason GaG added the picture (thats not me you are seeing).

[OralMayhem]

Oh good then you'll be fine :)

[LuWe22]

Find the confidence to ask her out. Maybe for a better self esteem work out and tone your body

[SomeGuyWithaQuestion]

Already doing that. I was hospitalised for a week last August because I was malnourished (my height is 180cm en my weight was around 57/58 kg). Have been eating and working out since (my weight is currently around 72 kg).

The reason why I was malnourished (I rather not say) is also the reason I need to workout to feel normal.

Your advice actually makes a lot of sense to me. Since I started eating more and started working out I have been feeling a lot better and a lot more confident (just not confident enough to ask people out on public transport).

[Lucifer_666]

Don't worry about this kind of petty stuff. Focus on other more important things

[TheDreamRunner]

Approach them in summers, preferably on a sunny day

[timsxx]

Approach her asking anything, she will definitely come to the point of making relationship.

[dandiecandie]

Stand near the heater lol

[Truthatanycost]

Standing near the heater may destroy his sperm cells.

[dandiecandie]

Oh well worry about that later

[glenns]

Alright, I admit it--i don't get it. What do you mean in saying he should stand near the heater

[lumos]

@glenns I'm assuming it's because he "freezes" up so standing near a heater would fix that problem...

[woooooooo]

Maybe you should try talking to girls online or practice what you will say until you get comfortable with public.

[GodHatesKaitlin]

Wear warm clothing and then you won't freeze.

[Synttacks]

10/10 for interacting with girls... Or anyone.

[Loveherbut]

dude dont approach women in trains its creepy as f

[Arsi9]

Be bold and confident

[btgs012]

Just say hi or what ever comes to your mind

[hazfire]

Wait a year, then get drunk... problem dissolves

[The_Masterr]

Just tell her, Yoh Babe... lets have fun...

[Drifting_tiger]

Talk to her like you would a dude but nicer...

[VV3ZZY]

I feel ya dude.

[Girolamo]

"What's your name?"

[FrenchyRomain]

grow a pair?

[torwulf]

It's not that simple. Approach anxiety is a real issue, and extremely common. In fact, the majority of men and women suffer from it enough to freeze up.

[FrenchyRomain]

@torwulf and axieties can be cured with help and willpower : so again : grow a pair

[yourfutureboyfriend]

Wait wut

[falcon85]

Practise!

[Flizoyd440]

I do I do it aswell