I would not recommend marrying a guy that could not provide you with NOTHING.
I will give you an example here, with my sister's life. Her ex husband did not finish high school. He brought nothing with him to their marriage. He did not work at all, and refused to work. He never worked in his life time. She was 17 and he was like 23. Anyways, he didn't clean or cook or take care of the new born. She was pregnant, working pretty much full time and also she was going to school part time while cleaning and cooking. He just played world of war crafts for hours and hours and told her to go away. Anyways, he stole money from her and beat her up when she asked him to go find a job or to help around the house. They finally got a divorce later on after 3 years and a 2 year old son! So I would not marry someone who can bring NOTHING to the relationship. It is a disaster for DIVORCE.
I am not that stupid. I married someone who finished high school, went to get some college work done. Has a career in computer networking. He works 12 hours a day and he helps clean the whole house every Sunday with me. He helps me make food, he helps me clean the dishes. He makes breakfast for me in bed. He buys me whatever I want (I don't want much but for him and me to be happy). Just on his income alone, we have a ton of money saved for retirement and for our future house. We got married at the age of 24 when we both are more mature and know more about life. I'm just cautious about life and marriage, I take it seriously. I want a guy who has something to offer. I need someone who has something to offer. Because I have something to offer and I don't want to be used. I worked full time, I clean the whole house, the laundry, take care of all the finances and run all the errands (mail? pay bills? etc), take care of the car, everything I can. I put in 100% effort but he also has to put in 100% effort to make this relationship work.
Find a guy who has some future. Who has finished some high school, who has some career, who has a good working history and is not lazy, who helps you around the house, who treats you like you are special. Find someone who is going to put effort in your relationship, it's a lifetime of hard work and commitment. You need to really put effort in choosing a guy, there are good guys out there that have a lot of love to give. You don't need a loser who doesn't have a job, doesn't have an education, who doesn't treat you good to give part of your love to him to have him just USE you. That's my friendly advice. I hope it helped but if you don't like my advice it's OK. I'm just trying to help you out anyways.
No, I do though understand what its like to love someone, so I can understand how you can be blind to the fact. I myself don't initially find attraction to guys who don't want to do anything for themselves...but I was in a 5 year relationship with someone who didn't have a job for 2 years, I knew how smart he was & what he was capable of because we met each other at a place we both worked at. When he lost his job, I decided to stick by his side to show him I was supporting & caring, and because I knew what he had done before and what he was capable of. These 2 years were NOT easy, I ended up paying for everything!..his phone bill, car ins, gas, food, etc! while I was supporting myself as well!...This is tough when the other person is at home doing nothing with theirselves. Finally, He got a job, got his credit together, & wanted to buy a house...which he told me he wanted me to live with them..him & his mother..(I had been living with them prior anyway) As time went on, I became resentful, because I had done so much for him and now that he was getting himself together, I felt like we werent "working as a team' anymore, like he claimed we were when he didn't have a job. He would go look at houses & not ask me to go..It the back of my mind, I knew something was up. The fighting & arguing began more often & when he finally got a house, he thought it was best that we break up.
The moral of the story is, marrying someone who has nothing going for them, is going to lead to relationship problems, because that person is not going to be happy with THEMSELVES! Not to mention, if your doing everything, your going to become unhappy & resentful, because its not fair to you..no matter how much you love someone.
Would I love the person? Yes, for sure. But would I want to get married, settle down, and raise a family? Eh... Keeping a marriage healthy and happy is difficult as it is, but add in the stress of no job, which = no income, which = no home, health benefits, or "little luxuries" of going out to eat or seeing a show, would be VERY difficult ! If you are writing because you are in this situation and are the one w/out the cash/job/home, then please... do your best to get a full time job SOMEWHERE! If you are writing because you are in a relationship where the man has no job, career, or home, then I would rethink how much he loves you. Part of loving someone is wanting the best for them and if that means manning up and getting a stinky job just to pay rent, than that it LOVE. I notice, also, that you are between the ages of 18 - 24. I wonder, is your partner in that same age bracket? If so, he is still young. Is he in college? Is he attempting to make a life for himself and you? You need to ask yourself a lot of questions before continuing on...
great answer, great seperation of love and marriage
As a guy who wants to have a stable job, a place to live, and money to do the things I want, I wouldn't mind marrying a girl who didn't have a job, a place to live, or money, just as long as I felt as though she loved me for who I am and isn't just using me because of my status. And I have a very high standards when it comes to these things - pretty much a lot of girls don't really put effort into relationships, and expects the guy to carry the relationship on his back. They never suggest anything to do, or plan anything. Girls like these who just sit and wait for the guy to read their mind, and who think all they have to do is look pretty, they're just like leeches. It doesn't mean they're a bad individual, and I can see a lot of guys liking girls like these, but even subconsciously I think these girls are just using these guys sometimes.
That said, as long as a girl isn't like that, and if I felt she truly cared about me and wouldn't stop doing so even if things might get a bit bumpy along the road, I would marry her. By this I mean how some people get into relationships, and then along the way they meet someone who is "more compatible" than the person they're with. They then break up to get together with this other person. This is rubbish. There will always be someone "more compatible" out there, and people have to realize this the moment they get married. If they constantly keep leaving the people they're with to pursue others, they'll keep doing it forever.
No. I'll use the expression- "love can't buy you money"; not the reverse as money does buy love- it buys nice dates, fun times out, thoughtful gifts and so forth- but these alone are not sufficient of course. True character and one's personality are what are of the utmost importance.
Now that the semantics are out of the way, I would only ever commit to someone if they were as motivated as I was to accomplish things, had achieved things in their life and were constantly looking to improve themselves, and indeed, inspire others to improve themselves too.
To sound completely unromantic, "marriage" is a business- it is the merger and acquisition of interests and property, thus I feel disgusted at the thought that if things were to fall apart so to speak I would stand to lose what I have shed tears of blood for; hence why I am a die-hard proponent of the pre-nup.
Apologies for sounding like a heartless attorney type, but one must not allow whimsy to cloud practicality and common-sense; should I be infatuated with someone I would hope good-sense would prevail and I'd protect myself-not that I am negative, just realistic.
You make marriage sound even more scary to me. ;~; Lmao. But, I get what you mean. I'm fine with pre-nups as long as the woman can work and live on with her life-- so she can be stable too. That, and they aren't vein and ridiculous it's perfectly fine.
So sorry about that; but ultimately marriage is about a partnership so both parties have to contribute evenly in every respect be it financially, emotionally and so on. But it isn't all bad- I think; though I'll probably be a life-long bachelor :)
Well I agree with much of what you say, about marriage being a business because it's under legitament law contracts. It's not a private arrangement no one knows of. The law knows, therefore the law dictates divorce settlements, so yes, you have to be careful who you take in. If the women is jobless, and I can support her, okay. But I wonder if I'll end up like Mel Gibson with his Russian wife he took in...
Opinion
12Opinion
It depends on why he's in his current position. As long as he isn't a deadbeat just looking for someone to take care of him because he's too lazy to do for himself then yes I would. Times have been hard on everyone and if I really love someone it doesn't matter if we have to struggle a bit. If we work together and communicate we'd be able to work through anything. People underestimate real love and what it means to be a partner in a marriage. That's why so many fail these days. Marriage is a partnership and both parties must be willing to sacrifice, compromise, work together and communicate otherwise the relationship is doomed.
I most likely wouldn't. The moral answer here would be that "love conquers all"(problems). But let's be realistic, you have to LIVE. In order to live you have to eat, drink, have shelter, etc. Sure if you got married you'd be infatuated for a while, but the lack of necessities would most likely grow on you. This would make you bitter (I would think). You just wouldn't be able to live comfortably. Who wants that?
But hey, there are couples who manage to pull this situation off-more power to them :)
I would have to marry someone that is on my level,meaning,we are both ambitious,career oriented,debt free etc. Why?Because those things matter a great deal. I know someone right now who is getting divorced. He's 27 and his wife is studying in another country,he's an up and coming artist...but he has nothing really to offer. No real stability, 110,000 dollars of debt and it's not getting paid off anytime soon.Hes constantly broke etc and all it's really causing is a burden on the relationship in the worst way. So I think one should aim for someone who is on their level.
He may not have anything now but what are his long term goals? That's something you should know about. What effort has he put into getting work? If none and being lazy that's a no go. You will support him for as long as your marriage works out. If he's looking for work and has goals that he is aiming for and you can see that then why not? Hard times are everywhere why loose someone you love because they are getting it rough. If you help him threw his hard times it should pay off for you (as long as he's willing and looking to progress). God forbid you loose your job and you are going threw a hard time you wouldent want the person who says they love you unconditionally to kick you to the curb. Food for thought good luck.
there are already so many comments on this. I don't think it would be wise. I'd marry the person I love but I'd only marry if things were stable because I'd need to think ahead of what is to come of our future and if we had kids, I wouldn't want them to suffer because of the choice that I had made. Maybe if the guy can prove he can get a job.. is working hard and earning enough to be stable with me then I'd accept his proposal. If he can't it would be really hard and I'd have to reject. Harsh but fair.
I would have to say it's hard.
Love can happen without a lot of money but when you get down to the practicalities, no money is really hard.
He will need to get a job so that he can support himself and it is something for his own good as well even though the economy is tough right now.
people can get divorced for reasons that aren't related to money as well.
I would marry a guy even if he doesn't have a lot of money but the important thing is his character. and he's got to work towards getting a job as well.
I wouldn't get married to someone if we didn't have any money in the first place because then we would be in the hole. I am traditional, and when I say for rich or for poor, I will mean it. Most of us go through times where we have less than no money and maybe even times where we have more money than we know what to do with but I think that is all irrelevant in the game of love. The economy can be tough but you make it through somehow.. if it breaks up the marriage..maybe it wasn't a good one. I know I sound a bit jaded.. I just really believe in real, true love.
A broken home is most of the time out of her control anyway. So that wouldn't be a deal breaker. The deal breaker is more along the lines of no job, no direction, no motivation to make something of yourself.
I'm not sure how someone can love another individual enough to marry him or her, if he or she had nothing to offer. When I say nothing to offer I mean personality, values, morals and yes physical attractiveness.
Having a job is one thing, but many people don't have jobs right now. For most of the people it's out of their control anyway. However, someone who is a lazy bump on a log that does not want to put her mind to anything is DEFINITELY not the type I'd marry, let alone even date.
Well, if I am allowed to substitute she for he in the question, then yes. Unless I am unable to provide her with the wedding she always wanted (if I pay for it and not either set of parents) I would marry her right now. The only difference I can see between us living together married, or apart is that there is 1 rent to pay v 2 rents (or whatever) which would seem to make it easier. So yes, I would marry someone if they had nothing to offer besides their love for me - besides that, they were probably going to stay in the cycle of "nothing" anyways, but if you marry them, that might just be the morale boost your significant other needed to get out. And if not? Well you still have each other and that is more than most people can say.
i am brand new here on this site , but not in life
i made the same mistake twice !
i can tell you from my experience , don't marry just for love ... that may have worked when our parents were young , but not us
make sure he can suppport you in every aspect , and is willing to be with you forever
make your he's the kind of person you want raising yourr kids ,
make sure he is somewhat opposite of you , but enough similarities that compliment you
hope this has helped somewhat Curious , just be careful , don't jump into marriage , it isn't a game . I am not one to talk , but I am one to learn from , so don't copy me and make a mistake
Women who marry guys with no jobs and nothing going for them are usually making the biggest mistakes of their lives. It really depends on why he doesn't have a job, what his plans in life are (is he going to school?), and whether you actually believe he is telling the truth about his life goals or is just a bum.
It depends on what he has to offer as a person. If he attracts me and I'm happy with him I would.
The only problem is I'm attracted to smart, opinionated, kind, hardworking, admirable, honest men who are willing to learn, grow and who usually have something to teach me too.. Guys like that usually aren't poor, nor I need financial dependency on anyone.
But if he was poor, or for some reason he chose to be, I wouldn't see that as a reason to dump him. I'm sure he would do is best not to be a dead weight. Even him trying to contribute in a way he can (if he is restricted), would make me admire him.
If they had a desire to be better, and are showing effort, then yes I would marry them. Marrying someone who has potential is what I'm looking for, or at least someone who has goals and strives to meet them. But dating a lazy person, no matter the attraction, is wasted time in my opinion.
Nope. Working hard and being stable are two big parts of my own personality, so if someone was so opposite of me, there's no way we could stay together in the long run anyways. It is a recipe for disaster. There are many other amazing people out there with values closer to mine, why would I waste my life on a slacker?
If you mean they have nothing to offer as in they are not rich, a super genius, or supremely skilled, then yes, I would marry someone like this. I think every decent person has something to offer, especially to the right person.
But if you mean have nothing to offer as in they treat you like garbage & don't do anything for you or the relationship, then no, I would not marry someone like this. I'd rather be alone than unhappy.
No. Especially in my childbearing years. If they have "nothing" they must have expenses. If they have expenses, they are incurring bills which equal debt. If they are not paying off their debt, their credit score will be garbage. When you marry someone, their credit becomes your credit and no way would I put myself in a position to ruin my credit and get knocked up by a bum who won't or who can't work.
If he had goals and was trying to improve his situation, I would. That, to me, means that he does have something to offer. If he had no ambitions or never actually worked toward achieving his goals though, I wouldn't marry him. I don't know that I would even love a guy like that in the first place, honestly.
Honetly, no.
I just wouldn't want to deal with the problems, especially if I know it will be a rocky marriage due to the financial stress.
However, if I had ridiculously strong feelings for this guy, there's a possibility I'd marry him. Plus, I could always work things out with him and he could always improve, but if I knew he was a difficult person, then I definitely wouldn't.
I would look on her situation and her personality. If she would be true with me and had moral strength, I would get marry. It also, depends where she is from, i.e. family, mentality. Maybe her family became poor, but before they were rich. That's a good question.
Yes and no.
If he's educated and just can't find his 'niche', then yes. Being 'smart' is something that's a huge turn on for me.
If he's just a bum, then no.
I'm more than willing to provide for my love, but I refuse to do so if I know that he can't match me.
I think you should marry if you truly love your partner. That means when you look at him you do not see him as the car he drives or his income. If you see and love him for him and not for what he has then get married. A job or paycheck can be taken away at any time but can always be replaced. But him as a person is unique and can never be replaced.
hell no. love can't pay any bills. what kind of man can even take pride in himself knowing he has no job, no home and nothign to bring to the table? I wouldn't even date a guy like that. he is simply not in the position in life to be worried about a lifetime commitment because he can't even take care of himself at the moment. you'd be a fool to marry someone in this situation
I wouldn't love him anyway. because love for me is a package= like+romance+stability+intelligence+safety+ambition+ many other things. An ordinary man isn't a shame but he has to do smth to get better. A man without ambition is a big no no. you'll suffer especially if your successful. Good luck :)
I think it's possible, though maybe not wise. I think you could be happy or you could miserable in five years. Which is the same gamble with marraiges between people with plenty of money. You're still gonna have to survive; and whether a ring and some legal paper make that harder for you...i don't know.
Like if I found the right person and I loved him and I was ready!
yea I'd
i said it once,im crazy enough to do dumb things.
And he offered something!
he gave me his heart right?
i think that would be enough to me.
no no no no no. you can easily be with him, but if your worrying about this, maybe it isn't right for you? because you may easily get this feeling in due course if nothing improves actually you WILL get the feeling in due course if nothing improves. talk too him and encourage him if you want too marry him, but if not move on and make something of yourself! x
No. If they don't have the money to pay bills or anything like that, they obviously don't have the money to get married either. By no means does this mean that I wouldn't date said person. I just wouldn't marry them until they could actually afford it.
simple love is the only thing it matters and health you shouldn't see your relationship as something you gonna get wealth from love that person and let him love you back! and I'm sorry if you think I'm wrong or rude but if you gonna think like that then better stay alone!
I would but I'd wait for him to get a job maybe... weddings are expensive and even though I love him, living with one of our parents would put a strain on the relationship.
Why would you marry someone like that? it is far easier to simply remain their friend and develop a slow dislike over time as they disappoint you.
Yes, love should not be purely based on wealth. But, I would also help him find a job so we would have less trouble with money.
The answers are as expected. Guys say "yes", girls say "no" Reason for that is our evolution; guys are providers, girls stay at caves and rise children.
Girls just don't want to waste time with a bum.
true, darkhorn.
And "somebodyToldMeh"...Althoguh most women in America think like you, there are those who are enlightened and simply travel through the land freely, like Johnny Appleseed. I understand you despise them, but many an overworked man wants to be him, to just let it ALL go -- the mortgage, the kids, the nagging wife, etc. To be completely free.
Nothing to offer? He's offering you his love, the one thing a relationship can't do without!
i so agree with you!
Yes, I would, as long as they were trying to get a job, get an apartment, etc.
NO! I would not marry a man that did not offer stable life. love don't buy groceries sweetie!
absolutely not. they need to be able to take care of themselves.
Well if there is any way to fix those problems than yes I would marry them solely on love but that depends how long you've been together. Go into an environment that tests your patience with them and see how things go.
Noo I don't think I would...I'm not saying I would marry someone for money but if they weren't stable or I couldn't rely on them if things got really tough I wouldn't
Why not?if you marry someone for what he has you would be acting like a prostitute
Hun it depends on your gender like if your a girl then hell no.. But if your a guy yeah why not.. Love and candles shares a lot.. Gd luck
I tottaly agree with BurningHammer
Thanks; I appreciate the sentiment; often people will disagree with me because I am somewhat blunt or perhaps am a tad too realistic/a bit of a "killjoy" but sadly, these kinds of things aren't to be taken lightly; a bad/unhappy marriage can cause immense if not irreparable damage to one's psyche.
nope. because love isn't enough.
No, I'm sorry.
no
Hell no.
WTF? Ofcourse no!
yes
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