Do doms test their subs outside of the bedroom?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing a guy and he said straight away that he was a dom, and he would expect me to submit to him completely in the bedroom.

But do doms ever test their subs outside of sex? Sometimes I know he holds back on messaging me things (if we’re sexting etc), and i was wondering if this was relating to him dom behaviour or if this was just him playing other weird mind games with me?

[ATuairiscean]

Yes some doms would - As you referenced try to control things through manipulation plus public displays of control - Just do what you are comfortable with, what excites you - If you feel they are weird mind games they are not positive control, positive control should increase anticipation, make you look forward , crave attention not stroke the dom's ego at your expense that is abuse.

[Asker]

He’s ignoring me right now

[Rixdare]

Why is he ignoring you?

[Asker]

I’m not quite sure tbh... I’m not sure if it’s part of his game or if he’s just being an a-hole

[Rixdare]

Then I'll tell you.. he's being an a-hole. If he's ignoring you, then you should know why because he should have told you. He hasn't and he's left you guessing at what's going on. That's not a Dom.. that's an a-hole!

[ATuairiscean]

@Rixdare - Asker as Rixdare and I both said, if he is doing things that are making you uncomfortable, thinking less of yourself then that is abuse, a true dom wants his sub to feel good, enjoy the experience even grow a bit but it sounds like this guy misunderstands domination or is an ahole as Rixdare has said or thinks being an ahole is Dom behaviour.

[Asker]

Then he is an a-hole! I will see if I’m able to discuss with him and if not I’ll have to simply nip it in the bud

[ATuairiscean]

Yes you are better than his definition of a sub - A sub is cherished not abused

[Asker]

I definitely think it’s just manipulative mind games he’s playing. He responded to me last night that he’s been thinking and he would speak to me today, so it’s clear he’s trying to make me worry or fear what’s coming. I guess he likes to have control outside of the bedroom too x

[Rixdare]

That depends entirely on the relationship they have - which is down to the sub, tbh. She hold the power in the relationship, not him.. or at least, she should do if she understands the dynamic, and he's not just a power hungry idiot.

Is this new to you? And what experience does he have?

[Asker]

This is new to me, he’s fairly experienced (to my knowledge anyway)

[Rixdare]

I don't like the sound of him declaring right away that he's a Dom. A Dom doesn't need to do that. And he 'expects' you to submit completely? Not a chance!
If this is new to you, then you need to understand the dynamic between a (real) Dom and his sub:
Context is important; being a Dom is not about being bossy, and it's not about telling subs what to do all the time. A Dom does not automatically get power by being a Dom; a submissive gives him that power, he does not just take it. It’s not his by right. This is one of the basic cornerstones of consent—a submissive grants him power by consent, not by the simple virtue of being a submissive.
The relationship works for both of you, or it works for nobody. Subs are submissive because they get something from the experience: things they want to do, things they want to explore. As with all relationships, there is a need for mutual reciprocity in the relationship. If he's demanding it, he's not a real Dom. Stay away.. it's abuse (or will be).

[Asker]

Ok I will definitely take on board what you have said

[Asker]

My friend told me to stay away from him, she said she had a really bad feeling about him

[Rixdare]

Yeah, I have too.

To answer your question "Do Doms test their subs outside of the bedroom" - Yes they can do. As previously said, it depends on the relationship - if the D/s dynamic is not just a bedroom kink, and is a way of life for them. But not in the way you are describing here in this post - that's not what it should be. Seriously, you say he’s fairly experienced (to your knowledge) .. he really isn't by the sound of it. He's acting like a a-hole.

There's lots of info on the web about D/s relationships.. go read, read, read all you can if you think this is what you want. And good luck!

[Anonymous]

Sure, on the beach for example ;)

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO

[abc3643]

Remember what happened at the end of 50 Shades of Grey. She left him. Why? Because he was a douche... just like this guy you are talking about and our pussygrabbing president.

Get him out of your life ASAP.

[Sociopathvictim]

Sorry but i couldnt watch '50 shades of grey' to the end, it sickened me.
If you treat him like that Mr Grey, im sure you'll do fine lol ask him for a contract that you have to sign. Aside from this, what would you not submit to?

[Asker]

Well he’s currently ignoring me today which is frustrating. And I feel it’s to make me chase or something, but I won’t be ignored

[Sociopathvictim]

but my question, you didn't answer it

[Asker]

I won’t submit outside of sex. I’m a very dominant person and I have a senior job, so I am naturally relatively powerful I guess in day to day life, and I like that. But in the bedroom I like to submit completely - that’s the only place I’ll relinquish control over to someone else

[Sociopathvictim]

🙄 you mean you like being treated like a rag doll in the bedroom haha, i just wanted to know what you like tho because when you submit a guy has to work it out and is conscious of how far he can go before you think he is weird and disrespectful (this especially goes for guys who want to marry you, fuckboys will just do whatever).

[dragonslayer1516]

They do but it depends on the dom/sub relationship as well

[Sixgun77]

Today depends very much on the 2 people involved. Some people are bedroom only, some are into more of a lifestyle.

[larry69]

Yes in the bathroom. While on her periods

[laughinglad999]

l would never do that

[abadelazlz]

Hola