Can a girl be the one to initiate the date and relationship with the guy? what's wrong with a girl initiating?

[Anonymous]

what's wrong with girls asking guys out? why is it seen as desperate or clingy if a girl makes the first move on a guy, takes initiative and asks the guy out on a date?

Updates

+1 y

does anyone else have to say anything?

Updates

+1 y

I think it's so damn sexist to expect the guy to initiate everything

[LukeLockehart]

Having the girl Initiate things is extremely important in some cases, and COMPLETE TURN OFFS in others...

But it depends completely on the situation.

Let me explain why.

Guy's like the thrill of the chase, we want to get a girl that we feel is almost out of our league but just in our grasp. No guy wants a girl that just any guy could have, we want a special girl that we think that ONLY we could get and no other guy...

So lets say that a guy sees a girl out at a bar that he finds attractive. If she walks all the way over to him and makes the approach, he will be flattered, but he will think if this girl is this easy, then probably any guy could have her, and I don't want a girl that anyone could have.

Now if the same girl saw him, and thew out a smile but stayed put. He would walk across the room to approach her. Now, she initiated to him first that she was interested, but in his mind, he feels that since he walked across the room he pursued her. His thought process is this, when she first looks at him, he thinks, man I think this girl is interested in me, let me balls up and go get this girl.

So the same girl, initiated both times, one was by walking over to him and making it easy, the other was by smiling and cuing him to pursue her. One girl he wants nothing to do with, the other he wants to date...

Girls you need to lead the guy where you want to go, but make him think he did it

Same thing goes for getting a first date.

if a girl straight up asks a guy on a "First Date" (this is different later on) then the guy thinks, this girl is too easy and any guy could get her.

But if the same girl, tells the guy during a phone conversation, I really love sushi and I've been dying to see that new movie, "No strings attached" with Ashton Kutcher. He will mental note the comment and end the conversation to use the info at a later time. A day or two later he will call you, and ask if you want to go get sushi and see "No strings attached" and today it is his idea. In his mind, he is pursuing you, he is trying to prove he is good enough for you.

But if the same girl off the bat would have asked him to get sushi and see a movie, he wouldn't value her as much anymore.

The key here... The girl needs to hint to the guy what she wants, and let the guy do the action and feel he is the brave soul pursuing and taking all the risk...

There are two very important principles about guys that govern these guidelines:

1) Guys always want what they're not sure they can have

2) Guys are scared to death of straight up rejection

So to get a guy to do what you want, you need to give him enough clues that he knows for sure he won't be rejected, but not enough clues that he knows for sure that he can easily have you.

If he knows for a FACT, you like him, and want to go out with him, it takes all the thrill away. Now I'm talking about early on here, but these principles still apply to later in dating but in different ways...

Jarrod

[aliceinwonderland7]

This is such a great answer, I totally agree. I used to ask guys out and I thought I was being cool and empowered and stuff, and didn't get why they would say yes but then never ask me out again. I learned the hard way that you have to flirt, like make it clear that you find them attractive/funny/whatever, but let them do the real "work" if you want a good outcome.

[Nannao]

you know I kind of find it funny that I see so many complaints about how guys have to do all the work when it comes to asking a girl out from having to "man up enough" to approach her to having to decide what will happen on the date and paying for it. Yet here on the one post I have found where she asks if she SHOULD be the one doing the work a guy posts that it should be done basically the same way its always been...let the GUYS come to you LOL

[Asker]

so you are against girls asking guys out?

[solstice06]

apparently you girls just didn't find the right guys to ask out. If it's a worthwhile guy, he won't think you're easy. Who in their right mind wouldn't love a girl coming up to them? If they were mature enough, they could see passed it all and see if there could be something there. You never know, so why not give it a try? What do you have to lose?

[moviedude714]

yes we guys love it!

[JKLivinLily]

i think it's just because we're accustomed to guys asking girls out. it's just tradition. men have always been the ones that have to make the first move because maybe it's looked on as manly? it's like they feel like it's their responsibility to take charge. lol idk, I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl asking a guy out. I did it myself once and it actually worked out pretty well. if they're taking so long or are just shy and you really like them, might as well take the initiative and get the ball rolling. if they don't appreciate it, then I guess that's their problem ha. it's probably just an ego thing too for some too.

[Anonymous]

Guys say they want this... Girls say it's OK to do this... SO you do it, right? Then you end up with a guy you have to chase to give his attention to you...not so cool...unless you like chasing people.

Maybe it's my personality but I got sick of chasing people. I want to be chased too. I don't mind doing the first chase, but come on... ALL the chasing including the sex chase? No thanks...

My first and probably last initiation was a total bust!

[DocClassic]

"My first and probably last initiation was a total bust!" can you imagine what a horrible world it would be if everyone though like that

[Opinion Owner]

well if their first initiation was a total bust, then we'd lose humanity for sure! (as a species) Fortunately, some busts are not totals, just annoying...

[solstice06]

can't get over that, "...first and last..." informed decision much? I think not.

[sexcme121]

so do I ha ha my boyfriend does all the tyme its sucha turn on but I dnt c anythin wrng witta girl initiatin anythin some times I lyk to b in control and my boo lyks dat

[Malcom_Reynolds]

Please initiate, as one who can never tell if a girl is interested it would make life so much easier.

Ok, that's just me, there are some guys out there who might be intimidated, and some guys just prefer to be the ones to initiate it, but I'm reasonably sure that the vast majority of guys out there would be fine with girls initiating.

[Anonymous]

It's not clingy at all if a girl initiates things. Why would it be? It's the same both ways. People that say otherwise are just stuck in old traditions. They don't know any other way. They get weirded out by things being different. It's all about taking control of what you want and going after it, guy or girl. If more girls went after what they wanted too a lot more people would be hooking up. Haha. I think it's great that you think that way. Too bad more females cannot think the way you do! You will definitely get what you want while other girls are sitting around wondering why they aren't being asked out. I hope that helps and Good luck in life! (:

[200rabbits]

Yes! A girl can initiate! Yes, it is sexist to expect the guy to initiate everything! Goes totally against equal rights and it's stupid, cuts down everybody's chances.

It's totally ridiculous to say a girl can't.

[Aly707]

I do think it's pretty sexist for a guy to always have to act out on that pressure of making the first move. Hell, I'm a very confident person and almost always I'm into the shy guys, so I'd have to make the move:P there's absolutely nothing wrong with initiating, just make sure the guy isn't taking you for granted cause of that.

[sedstar]

hey.. in college?

if a chick bought me drinks and made the moves on ME, I likd it... it was like "geentlemen, start your engines"

whats the big deal... so initiate it... go ahead...

[MandMandM]

Yes of course. Nothing wrong at all. Not desperate or clingy - empowered and equal.

[PishPosh]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with girls taking the initiative. I take guys out on dates all the time. They'll adore you for it. Just don't be the one always paying; the guy should also take you out as well. I just say to the guys "Let's hang out, get something to eat or something. It's on me." No single guy will turn you down :)

[solstice06]

exactly! I'll get the next date if you get this one! hahaha! point is, it is always good to take everything in moderation.

[emzy-89]

There's nothing wrong with it. Guys like it when a girl takes initiative.

[TommyPickles]

As a guy I'd appreciate a lot and if more women initiated the date it'd be awesome. It'd give us shy guys a chance.

[Anonymous]

nothing wrong at all. I think given in this day and age, more girls are taking the initiative

[mikenice8]

There is nothing wrong with it at all, just don't get upset if they reject you.

[dramatichick24]

its not necessarily WRONG but some people are just more old-fashioned . or that's just the way they think. like personally, I think the guy should ask out the girl. that's just me, I don't know why I think that but I do.

[MikeK]

A girl holds all the cards when it comes to sex so why should initiation be any different?

[yamamoto23]

Please, I wish girls would ask more often. Guy's have a lot of work cut out for us.

[OverTheseWalls]

Yes, that's awesome. Unless he's a downright tool he should really appreciate it.

[playa_pan]

my ex-girlfriend asked me out

[eddievedder]

I wish all girls were like you