Is it okay for a girl to initiate a conversation with a guy?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy friend that I've known since high school. For a while at the end of high school where we didn't talk. Petty school age drama. We ended up talking a few years later and both apologizing for being young and dumb. He also friended me on FB at that time. Since then his mom had a health issue and I reached out twice to send support for him and his family. That was at the beginning of the year. Lately he's been on my mind and I think I'd like to reach out. We don't really know each other anymore, so I'm not sure how to do so without it being awkward. We have a lot of similar beliefs and values, and I'd just like to strike up a conversation and see what happens. I had a crush on him years ago, but never acted on it and ended up in other relationships. Now I'd just like to get to know who he is these days and see. He lives in another state due to work so I keep telling myself it would never work. Lately he just keeps coming back to my mind and I'm not sure why. Is it weird for a girl to reach out to a guy she hasn't seen in years? Also, what do you even say when reaching out?

[_Maya_]

Yeah that is totally okay to reach out to him. Why wouldn't it be? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean you can't be the one to initiate a conversation. As for how to start that just make it simple and ask him things in life have been going. Tell him that he crossed your mind recently and you were wondering what he has been up to and how things are going. That is a good general way to start a conversation and see where it goes. I think you should totally go for it.

[Asker]

It just scares me because I don't want to cause awkwardness or look like a creep, lol. I just honestly want to get to know him better and see how it goes. I'm super intuitive so when something's on my mind like this it's usually for a reason. I also get nervous and question if it's on my mind for a reason or if I'm just thinking of them. I don't know how to explain it.

[_Maya_]

I don't think you will come off as a creep at all. I think you are totally fine. He probably will love to hear from you.

[Asker]

What are some suggestions you have for what I could say. I get nervous and draw a total blank with these things, lol.

[_Maya_]

I think you keep it simple and just say something reminded you of him and so you just wanted to see how life is and what he has been up to.

[Asker]

What about the fact we live in different states? Am I dumb to reach out and get to know him when we don't live close?

[_Maya_]

I don't think so. I mean what is the worst that can happen? You gain a friend I suppose.

[RedInnocent68]

Yes, please! Most of us aren’t thrilled going up to girls either. And a lot are downright intimidated by anyone they find attractive. Out-of-my-league syndrome and esteem issues are common to all genders. Although, seemingly less so among douchey, self-absorbed, so-called, ‘alpha’ males that consider themselves ‘players’… Frankly, it seems to me, this is where all the there’s-no-nice-guys talk comes from. You’re afraid to talk to them, and they’re afraid to talk to you!

[Asker]

I think I just feel nervous because I don't know what to even say. Everything I think of sounds stupid, haha. Also, he's in the military and currently in another state. So I worry it's pointless to even try getting to know him because of the distance. I don't want to go for it and get excited if it's a terrible idea. What's your thoughts?

[RedInnocent68]

Understood! If it’s online, I get it. In person, try ‘hey, so what do you in the military?’ If you feel warm and fuzzy after that, you could escalate to, ‘that’s interesting, have time to grab a coffee and tell me about it?’ Initiating a conversation doesn’t have to start with, ‘I like you and am assessing whether it’s worth having a relationship with you.’

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know who would say you shouldn’t. Absolutely reach out.

[Asker]

What do I even say? I don't want him to be weirded out or make things awkward.

[Summeroflove]

Just ask him how he’s doing. It’s not weird at all. You don’t wanna go without talking and loose him forever.

[Asker]

He won't think it's weird/random that I'm reaching out to him out of the blue?

[Summeroflove]

Probably not. I say just talk to him.

[Asker]

What do I say? I'm struggling because it's not like someone I've never talked to before, but also not someone I talk to all the time. I also get really nervous and feel like everything I come up with sounds terrible. Lol

[Summeroflove]

Take some deep breaths and just reach out

[Asker]

I literally can't think of anything to say. Lol. Also, there's another commenter saying it's dumb to reach out because it will never work out, and now I'm having doubts. I don't know what to do.

[Summeroflove]

It’s okay. Most commenters are telling you to do it. Other people had some great ideas. Don’t talk yourself out of this.

[Summeroflove]

It’s not worth loosing him

[ShesRad80]

yes it is, just ask how has he been doing and that you had been thinking about him. take a chance you got nothing to lose

[Asker]

He's also in the military and lives in another state. Is it dumb to reach out considering the circumstances?

[Wise4myage]

I think it’s totally fine and I wish more girls did it more often.

[Asker]

We haven't talked in ages so it makes me super nervous. I feel like everything I come up with to say sounds stupid, lol. We did talk briefly at the end of last year because his mom had a serious health scare. I reached out to let him know I was thinking of him and his family and praying for them. He answered both times with thank you's and a brief message. I really worry about ruining the reconciled friendship or looking like a creep. We reconciled because one night in college he randomly came to my mind. I tried brushing it off but it came back. So I prayed about it and felt on my heart it was time to repair things. So I reached out in a message and apologized for my behavior back in school and explained that I'd learned a lot since then and just wanted to apologize. I woke up to the nicest message saying he appreciated me reaching out and that he apologized too. He said I didn't deserve to be treated that way and he was sorry for doing it (petty school bullying). He also sent me a friend request. It was the neatest thing to experience. I do also feel like living in two different states could never work, and then I talk myself out of it reaching out.

[Thanatos777]

I wouldn't interact because I would think it was a set up or some kind of cruel joke.

[DaBiggestBird]

You bet your sweet bippy it is.

[Asker]

I guess I just worry it's dumb to take a chance because we live in different states. I live in our hometown and he's elsewhere for military work. He visits the hometown fairly often and for decent stretches of time.

[DaBiggestBird]

In this case no. Just need a little bit of confidence like pushing a squad in Apex Legends just for the entire Apex community to appear from fairy dust and gang bang. Literally the only way for those noobs to send me back to the lobby, sad, so sad.

[boggboss]

Why wouldn't it be

[Asker]

We reconciled out friendship years ago and I don't want to ruin that. I also don't want to look like a creep. I don't know what I'd even say. He lives in another state due to work, which makes me talk myself out of it. I don't know.

[boggboss]

U don't know how to talk to a friend?

[boggboss]

Like your saying u don't want to ruin the friendship u have but u guys don't even talk their is little to no friendship their

[Asker]

It's not that easy when you haven't talked in a long time. I want to get to know him better. It's not like a bestie that you talk to every day. The context is above in my description. It will answer your question and clarify what I'm asking.

[boggboss]

I read it already but as with any friendship it takes steps u putting it off because u are scared and don't want to take the steps but thats on u deciding what u really want

[Asker]

What do I say? I don't want to look weird or desperate.

[boggboss]

How is it desperate to talk to a friend

[Asker]

We haven't talked in forever, so I feel like it's going to look super random. Also, I want to get to know him better. I like him, but I'm not sure to what degree because I've never taken the chance to see if it's reciprocated.

[boggboss]

Realisticly your chances of dating are not happening so I think u need to be realistic about what u want and expect to come from this

[Asker]

I'm confused what you mean?

[boggboss]

Be realistic you are not going to be able to date him he lives out of state most people sont wanna date long distance so be honest do u want to just talk or talk to date

[Asker]

It definitely concerns me, which is why I asked. I like him, but I don't want to reach out if it's dumb.

[boggboss]

Either way it's not dumb unless u have the mindset of someone living in the past

[Asker]

I'm confused what you're saying. At first it sounded like you were saying it'd be dumb to reach out because it'll never work, but now you're saying it's not dumb. I'm not understanding what your input is

[boggboss]

Its dumb to do so if u think u will date eachother

[Fireguy17]

Sure, why not?

[Asker]

We do live in different states now, so I guess I just worry it's dumb to take a chance.

[Fireguy17]

What if he is shy and thinking that there is no way you would be interested in him.
What's the worst thing that could happen, he rejects you?
Rejection is just part of life.
What if no one ever took the first step , no one would ever end up with anyone.
This way you won't ever have to wonder what if.
Go for it.

[Asker]

Guys don't find it weird or desperate if a girl randomly reaches out?

[Fireguy17]

I never had, in fact it was great, someone was interested in me!
Years ago, I moved to California, and I was amazed that women would walk up and ask you/me to dance.
At first, I was dumbfounded, but then it was like holy crap, this is great!

[In_Trance]

Yeah

[Jmmmfi4]

ID LIKE IT

[Asker]

He's in the military and lives in another state. I don't want to go for it if it's a dumb idea.