Confusing signs from a girl I'm trying to date?

[snowmaniac]

Ok this is going to be a little long. I met a girl out at a bar/club for a birthday party by fluke chance that her gay friend tried hitting on me and found out I was straight and surprisingly awkward as it was the girl he was with spoke to me and we hit it off well. She gave her number to me and said I should come out sometime and even offered to drive me to my car since my ride was a little intoxicated. that's where she said I could even take her on a date sometime. which I felt weird having the girl offer but I went forth and took her out 3 days later for dinner. Now we have hung out 3 times 1on1 and 1 of the times her coming over to watch movies which resulted in it being too late and she asked if it was OK if she slept over. here's the confusing part now... She made the move to kiss me first, she texts me here and there, wants to make plans whenever I offer them and even seems to want to come up with new ideas for where we could hang out next. BUT she tells me she's not sure what it is that she wants right now BUT loves getting to know me. We have had talks about it and she just doesn't feel ready to date and she did get out of a sh*tty relationship 2 weeks before meeting me. What do these signs mean when she doesn't respond to compliments other than aww or a thank you or I'm glad you think that... but she seems happy to always make plans and even likes being intimate besides having sex which she is tempted but won't do if she's not dating the person. She even said she always has wanted a REAL relationship that last more than 3 months but lets be friends " friends till something more, or not" in her words. How can I be a friend but she clings to me like someone she wants to date? please help me before I put myself into an emotional hole... its bad enough I Haven't dated someone in 2 years and I really love this girls personality but her signs confuse me too much so I've tried to back off thinking she might just need time and she could be putting up a defense of her own from getting hurt? thank you and sorry for the length!

[rachelizabethxx]

first off sweetheart, you're a nice guy. and you certainly not ugly either. so like, that jerk (phoenix) said, you are a catch. and from the sounds of it, she DOES know it. or else she wouldn't be so eager to spend time with you, intimate or not. she's clearly emotionally unavailable at the moment, which is not a horrible thing for you at all, because, if you like her as much as you say you do, you won't mind sticking around for a little while she explores who she is as a single woman and explores a potential relationship with you. she's cautious and that's a good thing. you wouldn't want a girl who has a new boyfriend every week. she's taking her sweet time getting to know which is healthy and normal. try to not be intimated by her new found independance. just because she hasn't fully commited to you or anything doesn't mean she won't. and it doesn't mean she wants you to BUY HER things either. (really, don't listen to that guy.) and it certainly doesn't mean she's up on some pedestal. just because it SEEMS like she has all the control right now, doesn't mean she does. you can walk away at any time deciding it's not worth it, giving you an equal amount of control. being too available to her could potentially be a problem though, she might get caught up in her life and accidently take advantage of you. so don't ALWAYS be the one to ask to go out or hang out. you should still ask fairly often but don't always be the one to do it. and every so often when she asks to make plans with you, say you have plans and you'd like to reschedule. then the ball is back in your court to make the next move. you seem like a smart, decent, guy. don't get too caught up in her that you lose yourself in the process. but it's definitely worth pursuing if she's what you want. show her that you are willing to wait through her post-breakup phase and be there when she really needs a shoulder. because when it comes down to it at the end of the day, we remember who was there for us through all of our drama and bull. and that's who want to be with.

[twistedxwires]

She doesn't want to get completely emotionally involved yet. She's been in a sh*tty relationship as you've said and sounds a bit insecure. If you really do like her, just keep being there for her. Let her cling to you if you don't mind it and she doesn't mind it. She sounds like she needs it.

Good Luck (:

[Phoenix52]

I tell you what - I have my own system of how I get into a relationship with girls.

I start off as friends and just 'hang out' with them. We get to know each other a little more, but I won't pay a single thing for the girl. Most relationships I know never started off dating. They became friends, built attraction, had sex, and blamo - relationship started. Friends to lovers.

This girl wants you to follow her lead and do what she says. Which can be a serious red flag because she's in control and you're not. And that's why her Ex supposively treated her like crap, because he didn't like her selfish behavior in doing everything she wanted.

If I take a girl out on a date, it's because she's already my girlfriend. But in order to become my girlfriend, I have to figure out if she's willing to play my way - hang out, talk, build attraction, sex. Any girl that does want me for more than friendship will indeed sleep with me.

And if I run into a girl who wants me to 'date' her first before having sex = bribery. I'm practically paying her to have sex with me, which puts her on the pedestal and lets her have control of me by deciding when we'll get physically intimate, what I need to do for her, how much I have to kiss her butt.

So this doesn't sound good - she thinks she's more valuable than you are, so you should be 'dating' her when you haven't made it official yet. And she's calling the shots.

Don't play her way - take my advice instead and DO what you want to do with her. Invite her over to your place to watch a movie and share a few drinks. Invite her out to dance with you. And be confident with yourself in realizing that YOU'RE THE CATCH. Which means, don't pay a thing for her, don't increase her value by complimenting her or doing what she wants. Otherwise she'll lose attraction for ya and she'll use you for attention while she bangs another guy who won't do sh*t for her.

[snowmaniac]

i like the advice, she just doesn't seem like a vengeful type if girl and I actually stopped us from having sex which is funny because I wanted to kill myself while saying it , I did it more because I didn't want to give her a reason to think we were moving too fast or her saying I made a mistake when she was as wishy washy with her words and thoughts already. I've had her over for movies and drinks and she's even spent the night so there's an attraction

[MichaelL]

YOU'RE A REBOUND! WHERES YOUR MANLY PRIDE! SCREW THAT GIRL AND LEAVE HER!

[Brandan_Cromartie]

Twice is the charm huh?