Why do guys feel so hurt when being friendzoned?

[goodgirl82]

I would like to hear you guys. I just don’t crack it. We as girls, we have been friendzoned as well and it is understandable. Sometimes there is just not enough attraction. Or sometimes it is a signal of low pace, like me! I like to meet guys as friend and later decide if I want to date them. if I was not interested at all, I just would not flirt and would never talk to them like there is hope

[winterfox10]

The friendzone for men and women are 2 totally different things. When a guy friendzones a girl, he intends to be her friend. When most girls friendzone a guy, she has no intention of acting like his friend; there's this abusive, manipulative side to it, and guys don't do it the same way to girls

When guys get upset about being friendzoned, there's usually another angle or component to the situation that adds an extra little layer of manipulative fuckery. A lot of women will straight up flirt with guys (because it's fun) and then pull the "oh I just see you as a friend" card when he wants something more. Other girls will play dumb, while the guy bends over backwards for them; doing her favors and buying her things, only to shoot him down later. Some women will even do things like accept date offers and then try to act like they didn't realize it was a date.

When you see guys getting upset about being in the friendzone, there's always a situation where the guy was really obviously interested in the girl romantically, and she just used and abused his affections.

[goodgirl82]

Mmmm things are not like that. I am bi, and I completely understand your point but please take this in consideration. Sometimes we as women, we can be just too kind and nice, I have thought a woman likes me and then realize she was just being nice so I completely understand your point. We are sooooo fucking nice that it seems that we are flirting but we are not!!!
we Can even have a flirty personality without even noticing. and also, men should not invest before being completely sure the girl like them back. That is the first mistake, you as guys, start investing time, money and more, when the girl has not even notice that you are creating delusions. It has happened to me and I hate when the guy act like he is rhe victim. Its like “ammm nope, I was nit flirting wirh you I was just comfortable being nice to you, if you took it wrong it is your problem. You guys must be smarter and pay attention to how sexual attraction vs “you are a cute friend” kindness

[winterfox10]

What you’re saying definitely happens a lot, but when guys get mad, not just mildly annoyed; it’s because the woman was being abusive. Your gender is a lot of things, but too nice ain’t one of them.

[goodgirl82]

Mmmm that is your experiebut let me tell you We ARE too nice. If you refuse to believe jt, you will create delusions again with a girl that is definitely not flirting eith you, abusive? Both genders. And if that has happened to you, it is your experience, and it depended on what girls you talk to and how you set boundaries with people. That definitely does not happen to everyone sorry.

[winterfox10]

🙂 I’m always open to being proven wrong! Have you dates more men or women?

[MuffinBoi]

I can't speak for all guys, but I imagine it's because getting friend-zoned is like getting rejected. It's basically just a blow to the ego, which isn't a pleasant sensation whether you're a guy or a girl.

But I see what you mean by your description. Generally, I'll get to know them better and when I'm interested, I'll make an attempt to flirt. So if we're sitting next to each other and watching a movie, then I'll perhaps rest my head on their shoulder or maybe inch myself closer to them. If they reciprocate, then this'll indicate that they're interested.

[Aethereal]

This answer comes a bit late, but I want to add to the two (at the time) I see here. It is also quite long. This is a complicated question to answer because an accurate answer is strongly dependent on individual personalities, which differ amongst different people (both guys and girls):

To summarize: Guys feel hurt when they get friend-zoned by girls due to misunderstandings by one or both of them on the nature of the relationship. This is in turn due to conflicting definitions of friendship by girls and guys, misinterpretation of chivalry, ignorance of intentions, and what I call ignoring the realities.

To elaborate in detail:

1) Conflicting definitions of friendship: Guys and girls generally have a different relationship with their friends of the same gender. Commonly (or perhaps stereotypically), girls are far closer (connected?) in their friendships with each other than guys are with each other. A girl would be very emotionally caring and supportive of a good friend in trouble but a guy would (likely) not be. For example; A girl whose female friend went through a breakup might spend the night consoling her friend, talking, sharing pain, etc. A guy might care for his friend in this situation, but is unlikely do these things, instead giving his friend space to think, or taking him out drinking to feel better. For many guys, giving and receiving emotional attention on the level that girls give their friends is a relationship-level thing, or what you get from your mother. So when a girl does this to a guy, he'll likely feel that they have a special connection beyond mere friendship, and inevitably get hurt and confused when he learns this wasn't the case for her.

2) Misinterpretation of chivalry: Simply put; many guys are taught from a young age to be chivalrous, and do things for girls, especially those they are attracted to. If a guy buys a girl dinner, comes running when she is in trouble, and goes the extra mile to help her, it is not out of mere friendship. Very few guys would do that for a mere friend. Guys who go out to eat with their friends either pay for their own meals, or split the bill. They'll more likely not help with stuff for free, and will more likely give advice than personally come running if a friend is in trouble but didn't request their presence. This is similar to what @winterfox10 says here. A guy doing these chivalrous things for a girl means he desires more than mere friendship. Chivalry is how he shows he will be a good, caring, supportive partner. He is understandably hurt and angry from being friend-zoned in this case because he feels cheated/manipulated by the girl for accepting (expecting?) these things from someone she considered nothing more than just a friend (since he would never do these things for mere friends).

[Aethereal]

(continued)

3) Ignorance of intentions: I would argue that when a guy meets a girl, he will quickly assess whether he wants to date her or not; and his degree of niceness to her moving forward is a good measure of the results of that assessment. In this case, it's not the guy who is very upset but the girl. She friend-zoned him and then he leaves (ends the friendship), and now she is upset because she lost a friend. Pardon me for copy-pasting an answer to a similar question I answered on Quora: "... please understand that for some people, friendship is a prerequisite to love. These people need their romantic partner to also be their best friend, and may in fact not be able to get romantically attracted to people they don’t already know well. Such people will seek to first build a friendship with the subject of their romantic interest while determining compatibility. Once the friendship is strong, and they know how great you are, and how well you both get along; they will inevitably seek the romantic relationship they wanted...". When such guys get friend-zoned, they will end the friendship because their intention from the beginning was a relationship, and they are not willing to stick around and watch the girl they like date other guys. I think the world is slowly getting to that point, but for now, it is still a pretty safe bet (at least where I'm from) for a girl to assume that a straight guy who befriends her is interested in something more than just friendship.

[Aethereal]

(Continued, part 2)

4) Ignoring realities: Friends are usually met were we share an activity or interest, or have a positive or negative situation in common. I for example met almost all my childhood friends by playing video games together (my hobby) as our parents brought us along when visiting each other. I made lots of friends in University by sharing interests in video games and anime. It is rare (at least were I lived) for girls to have such interests (and for guys to have the interests these girls did). Thus it was far less likely for a guy to befriend a girl without naturally expecting it to become something more. We do not actively go out looking for friends of the opposite gender who share our interests because it is easier to find people of our own gender who do. The exception is for people who have interests traditionally associated with the opposite gender.

[Aethereal]

(Continued, Part 3)

All these are still affected by individual personalities though. These and many other reasons are applicable to certain personalities and not others. There are guys who are chivalrous for it's own sake, who display and accept emotional attention as normal, and who can shrug of a crush and remain friends after being friend-zoned. Just as there are girls who are more like guys in their definition of friendship, or actively seek guy friends because they don't have "girly" interests.

I personally think that the best way to control the pain of friend-zoning is for both sides to assume a relationship is desired from the beginning of the friendship: The girl anticipates a future confession of love and rejects the friendship from the beginning if she can't imagine a relationship with the guy. The guy in turn assumes that she might very well reject him in the future regardless of how good a friend he is, and prepares himself for that eventuality. If things work out well, great! if not, they can part amicably as acquaintances.

One is not entitled to a relationship with someone just because they are nice and/or a good friend; however people are also not entitled to a friendship with someone who wants more.

[manthan_7]

I have never been friend-zoned cause I've never tried too hard for any person. But when you'll friend zone only then you'll understand.

[goodgirl82]

Yeah, I believe the same, if you are mature enough, you will definitely undersTand

[manthan_7]

I do understand and if you too then why did you ask😆😅
Anyway kidding have a good day

[goodgirl82]

You are not getting jt. I believe the same than you. That if you are mature, you will understand if a girl friendzones you. As you said.

[manthan_7]

Okay

[Ripper_E]

Girls don't get friendzoned nearly as much, and girls definitely get hurt. That's why they don't get friendzoned as much. Too scared to even make a move or just refuse to.
There is no such thing as a friend zone though.

[goodgirl82]

I have been friendzoned and I understood. I understood we are free to decide if we want to be with someone or not. It happens mostly ti guys because you are mostly the chasers, not because we are sensitive. Or you would date a girl just because you dont want to hurt their feelings?

[Ripper_E]

Guys are mostly the chasers because girls think they shouldn't have to, because they're idiots, or because they are too chickening to make a move. So obviously there are more hurt guys than girls when guys are the ones getting rejected more. There are guys that understand just fine, but let's say you have 500 girls and 3000 guys willing to make a move. 50% of girls get hurt and 10% of guys also. Its laughable to compare those two because 10% of 3000 is greater than 50% of 500. Obviously there will be more guys because they do it far more.

[asshole_]

No such thing as the "friend zone"

I GUARAN FUCKING TEE IT

[goodgirl82]

? The what is it? A you-will-never-fuck-me zone? Lol

[asshole_]

There's no such thing as the "friend" zone

I GUARAN FUCKING TEE IT

[Anonymous]

I guess it's just hard with us girl you love and care about and she doesn't want to be with you