Does the "no contact" idea really work? Are there any success stories?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I broke up a couple of weeks ago, and I've been advised by everyone to avoid contacting him. We love each other, so it wasn't a bad break up. We both just needed some time to figure things out. The theory of "no contact" is that, given time, he'll realize he misses me and contact me. We were great together, and I really want him back. Occasionally we had minor arguments, but every couple does. We talked for a couple of hours every day, so I would think he would have to be missing me. Does "no contact" actually work for anyone? If it does, how long does it take for the ex to realize he misses a girl and contact her?

[Anonymous]

I've used it 3 times with the same guy.

First time we still loved each other like mad

Next time, I had done something wrong, and he came round my house in tears missing me

Most recent time, he had left me for someone else, but thanks to NC he came back! :)

Sadly I'm not very good at holding onto him (personal problems), but the NC works amazingly well! Would recommend it to anyone. It makes him miss you, and gives you time and space to think about stuff.

Also listing your feelings, and listing pros and cons helps. It gets everything off your check, including those nagging things that you can't tell anyone, and puts it all into perspective :)

[Asker]

Thanks for your input. Out of curiousity, how long did it take him to come back each time? I know it's only been a couple of weeks for me, but the waiting without knowing the outcome is torture. We fell in love quickly. We had both been in bad relationships before, so we were both scared to love again, but there was no denying what we had. There were no concrete reasons for a break up. I think deep fear of being hurt was the main thing.

[Opinion Owner]

The first time, we broke up because I was unhappy because he never spent time with me and valued his work more than me. Took about 6 months that time.

Next time took 2 weeks.

Next time took almost 2 months?

I know it feels really slow, but it does work, and it's an amazing feeling when it does. It's like wow, look at what my self control did.

I think the length of time depends on the person you're dealing with, the situation in the beginning and also how ready you are, aka are you feeling needy

[Asker]

I figured out yesterday that it's working. :) He made up some lame excuse to call me, but I didn't get back to him immediately. I debated on not talking at all, but I got back to him. We talked for a while, and I really think he just missed me. He was jealous about a guy who's been talking to me. Then he suggested getting coffee soon. Plus, he called me again today, but I didn't answer. He's cracking after 2 weeks. So maybe if I play my cards right... :)

[Opinion Owner]

I read something that stuck in my mind while I was NCing

"Push and pull" Give a bit. Let him give a bit. Etc :) I wish you the best of luck with it x

[Anonymous]

It can work, but NC isn't foolproof. If you already gave it a month, I would see if you could set up a brunch date and try to look really good and see how the conversation goes. Give it your best shot, it's worth a try.

[Asker]

That's a really good idea. Thanks. It's only been a couple of weeks so far, so I guess I'll wait it out for a couple more and see what happens. If I don't hear from him after that, I'll definitely try what you suggested. Has it ever worked successfully for you or even unsuccessfully?

[Opinion Owner]

It worked unsuccessfully. He agreed to meet up with me, but I was tipsy at the time, so I didn't make a great impression. So word to the wise make sure you're in tip top condition when you do meet up. He might want to completely salvage the relationship, or he might not care enough to and so just wants friends with benefits or something, but it's def. worth the try if you want him back.

[Asker]

Ok, thanks a lot for your input! I've been working out and trying to regain my confidence that I had when I was single, so hopefully he'll notice and remember why he fell in love with me in the first place. :) I really hope he'll give us another chance.

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck!

[Just2Skillful4u]

It has worked for me, it gave her time to realize what she was missing, but you are your own person, sure you can take advice from others but they don't love him like you do. You can try it, if he comes back great if not, try talking to him ;) hope this helped

[Asker]

As an update (break up was over three months ago), it's been a weird attempt at friendship. We still love each other but aren't back together. We've almost gotten back together a couple of times, though. Right now we're on really good terms, so I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm starting to move on, though. I can't keep letting my heart get tugged around.

I'm glad it worked out for you!

[Just2Skillful4u]

Hope you guts can work it out and date again(if that's what you want) but if not then In a way it's good your moving on :)

[prettymuscle]

yea it does, it took my ex 9 months lol,

[Asker]

Thanks for answering. I'd like your "guy" opinion on this. It's been almost 2 weeks since we've talked. I've played it cool and haven't contacted him. I even deleted his number so I couldn't. He cracked tonight and contacted me by saying he needed my help, so after making him wait quite a while I contacted back, so he called me. It was no big, urgent issue that he couldn't solve on his own, so I think he just missed me. We were having a conversation about something, and it made me think about...

[Asker]

...something that another guy had told me a couple days ago, so I mentioned that. He immediately began asking all kinds of questions about the guy I had talked to. He also started putting the guy down and tried to make himself look better than the other guy. I said I had only talked to this guy once, but he still acted super jealous. What is his deal? He also mentioned we should get coffee soon. Do you think he wants me back?

[prettymuscle]

Yea he cracked, and since he is asking about another guy , then he is jealous and he wants you back, but the idea is not to give in just yet, make sure he cracks a lot and give him no remorse for a few months and let him think about it

[Asker]

Good. :) I'm working on my poker face. I acted happy and cool. I know he loves me, but he was confusing at the end of the relationship. He would say stuff about marriage and kids with me, but then out of nowhere he decided he "wasn't good enough for me" "couldn't make me happy" and "needed time to himself." He wanted to take a break and be friends, but I said we either stayed together or broke up. So we broke up. I don't get the wishy-washy stuff on his end.

[prettymuscle]

eh I mean if he saying he wasn't good enough and all that stuff , he was probley talking to another girl and want it to make it like he is the bad guy, but I on his part if it was another girl I didn't work out and he wants to keep as a back up plan

[Asker]

I definitely don't think it's another girl. I think it stems from his low self-esteem mostly. He's a reformed "player" and I'm the cliche "good girl". I think he really felt that he's not good enough for me even though I tried to assured him he's great.

[prettymuscle]

ha low self esteem

[Anonymous]

Worked like a charm in my situation..

[Asker]

Thanks for answering. It's comforting to see that there is a possibility of it working. If you don't mind me asking, about how long did it take your guy to come around and contact you?

[Opinion Owner]

It took him about a month to break down, but I still did not run back to him right away. I'm really happy he came around, because I like the guy. However, I'm still a little annoyed with him for ignoring me for so long. I've decided to keep him waiting and guessing for a little while longer before he gets to see me again... I'm still trying to make the decision whether I should too. I was hurt and I don't know if I want to risk getting that old familiar feeling once again..