Big crush on a married man at work; what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I have a crush on a married man, but I didn't know he was married.

In two years I've never seen him with a ring. Or speak of a family. Anyway this man has always stared at me and flirted. He mirrors me and always looks in my eyes. He has accidentally touched my hands and my hip to guide me out of the way. This man doesn't stop looking at me no matter how much I ignore him, since I now know that he's married. I know I have to stay away and I do as much as I can as well as ignore him. I've been avoiding him for a few months but my feelings have not changed. This is probably due because of where we work. I feel hurt, dumb, and very stupid. I don't dress provocative but I do dress well. I feel that maybe it was my fault that I some how I led him on. Anyway I'm stuck with my feelings. I always remind myself of what a total jerk he is. It still doesn't change anything. This really sucks.

[fascination_streak]

You have a pulse, you're not dead. You will be attracted to the opposite gender. You didn't know he was married and had a family.These things will happen. The most critical piece is not to fall prey to your emotions or his flirting. Have you inquired to see if you can post in another department so you don't have to see him as often? Can you possibly change your schedule at work when he isn't there? If not, then consider those options.

If those options do not work, then continue as you have and avoid him. If you are comfortable, maybe even consider putting yourself out there to date. You will meet more eligible bachelors, your mind will be occupied and you are more bound to forget ol' what's his face.

[Asker]

Oh I know I'm not dead, lol. I've been keeping myself busy, I go out with friends and family. I go on vacations and try to get away as much as I can even if it's just for a few days. leaving my job is not an option, I love my job, and my colleagues. I feel I've done what I can to move on in a positive way, it just doesn't seem to help. I know this guy is a jerk and not a nice person, or anyone worthy of being involved with. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

[jsm1966]

STAY FAR AWAY FROM HIM! Have'nt you heard of sexual harrassment! What's going on with you gals thesedays at work. Us women have rights, and this is the USA! This touchy behavior should not be going on at work! Unless you dating or in a relationship, and your both unattached then I believe that's OK. He is obviously a big headed asshole! These kind of men do not respect women, they are selfish and are use to using people!

[Asker]

I'm aware of sexual harassment, I have to mandatory take courses on the subject. This is not sexual harassment, him touching my hand or my hip as in guiding me out of the way does not constitute sexual harassment. Is it okay NO but very hard to prove as harassment. Neither is staring or looking at someone. Crude sexual remarks are, and touching someone in a sexual way or when you've made it CLEAR it's unwanted whether it's sexual or not. I will stay away from him because he's a jerk.

[Asker]

Because of the fact that I reciprocated in the past I cannot call it harassment due to the fact that I went along with it. Now that I'm aware of the type of man he is, changes everything. I don't think he will do anything other then look at me from now on. If he continues and I confront him and clearly tell him he's behavior is unacceptable and unwanted and he doesn't stop. Then it is harassment and I can make an issue of it. Thanks for helping me take another look at the situation.

[ooo31410]

Remind yourself that he's not worth having - if he'll flirt with you behind another woman's back, he'd flirt with another woman behind yours!

[FrancoBattiato]

Hate him. Because he can take it. Because he's not your hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

[Asker]

Wtf are you talking about?