Does acting disinterested or nonchalant get you anywhere with guys?

[Anonymous]

Long story story I grew up bullied by guys and developed a habit of trying to act as disinterested as possible whenever I talk to guys specifically ones I like (sometimes this can cross over into mean joke territory). I always asume they’ll immediately start insulting me or I’ll take minor things as a sign they hate me. aside from that does being kinda nonchalant get you anywhere it’s guys or am I just shooting myself in the foot?

[Texaskid1]

In the long run not really. Some girls play this game thinking it will make the man chase her around even more. Most men might try for a little while but they end up getting frustrated due to a lack of interest from the girl. Then they move on and end up with a girl that reciprocated and the "hard to get girl" ends up wondering how come her little mind games did not work.

Years ago I had a huge crush on classmate and I made several attempts to talk to her. She was very attractive and she would stare at me and check me out all the time. Needless to say I assumed she was into me. The times that I tried to talk to her she would cut me off and leave. This was rude as fuck and also some very mixed signals. Did she like me? Was she playing some kind of mind game? Was she in love with me? Either way, after a few months I got frustrated and stopped trying. It is frustrating as fuck. Anyways, I found some other girl that reciprocated and paid no more attention to the first girl. I figured she was playing some mind game. Who knows? If the first girl wanted to be with me well she certainly fucked it up royal.

You sound like you have some deep issues with men. This is what will happen to you - a man might try to be with you but if you show no interest he will move on sooner or later. You need to ask why is it you do this? Daddy issues? Past traumas? I would say get some profesional help.

[Bob92220]

My girlfriend told me that the more disinterested she appears the more the man pursues her. When she is rude to a man, sometimes he will pursue her. It is her belief that men (and women) "Want what they can't have."

It's like a child that goes into a candy store and the parent tells the child he/she can have anything on the first shelve. The child can't have anything on the second shelf, namely because the child can't reach that high.

After tasting the candy on the first shelf, the child doesn't want anymore. The child wants what is on the second shelf. The child wants what it can't have.

[Bob92220]

Thank you for the MHO :)

[TransAm85]

No way.. If u act like that, they may talk to you, but only look at you like one nighter. Guys do have feelings and emotions, they just don't express them as openly as women do. I was bullied also when I was younger b/c I was fat and I also grew up w/a mean mother. I learned how to put my emotions on the deep end, but that gets you nowhere dear. U are grown now. There are good guys out there.

[DermalPunch]

Acting inaunthentically will get you nowhere in general. If you act disinterested you will get the chase addicts and psychos after you.

[Chazmatazz269]

This is NOT okay. When women are being accosted and even assaulted by “pushy” men, and men are going to jail and having their lives ruined for simply approaching women, you have a responsibility to be direct with potential suitors. NO MORE GAMES! Lives are being ruined!

[Johnagain]

You're shooting yourself in the foot. Most guys take the actions of disinterest as disinterest. It's a turn off. We don't act or say the opposite of what we mean, usually, and therefore expect the same directness from others. We don't play games. Stop doing it, and you'll see more in-genuine guys worth your time respond.

[Anonymous]

No, ask US out

Respectful guys will only feel confident enough to approach if you show interest in us (how else will we know you consent to talk? Nobody want to be "That Guy").

[JSmuve]

Come on now, you should know that in this day if a girl isn't showing explicit interest that means she doesn't like you and any attempt of pursuing her could be construed as harassment. That's pretty much the messaging you women have been pushing for the last 5+ years on social media.

[Luopio27]

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

"Does acting disinterested or nonchalant get you anywhere with guys?"

No. Guys are told over and over that if a girl is not interested, move on. Not just for reasons of consent and respect but also because there's millions of women in the world. Plenty of fish and all that.

So that's what we do.

[Gent207]

Depends
Presuming you were to become comfortable with someone
Can you add on to their sarcasm with better sarcasm?
And
Can you add on to their dark humor with even more darker humor especially out in public?

[Adam1978]

If it goes against your intent yes, if you want to be with someone you need to make it easy for them to be with you. Not block any dialog coming your way.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'd conclude that any girl acting disinterested is far more likely to be genuinely disinterested. And that any girl who was interested, but pretended not to be, isn't worth taking interest in, because mind games are dumb and I prefer logical women.

[RuthlessAggression]

I've a question

Why is it that, once a guy shows interest and a girl starts pulling back, she's testing him. Why do girls not only test a guy, but, what should a guy do to "get her back"?

[Asker]

I don't know I don’t think girls pull away unless they don’t like the guy. Most girls I know think this way too. If I guy I liked show interest in me I would make an effort to be around him 10xs more than before because I’m clear that he likes me back. And again none of the girl I know “test” guys they genuinely like unless they’ve been suspected of cheating or something. So maybe just wrong girls?

[RuthlessAggression]

Oh, I've heard every woman does it

[Asker]

I promise you they don’t. If someone tells you “every” woman does something off, the bat know they’re lying. Same way all men aren’t cheaters or something. It’s impossible generalize half the population🤷‍♀️

[RuthlessAggression]

hahaha

I guarantee you, all women, wind up pulling back to test a dude

[Asker]

Then I guarantee you every man will cheat and never respect women whether they say so or not. Since people have told me this applies to all men and I personally feel it’s true, it must be fact for every man!

[RuthlessAggression]

I know women who cheat too

[Asker]

Do you agree with that statement because if so I think you might just be impossible to reason with. My main point being what I stated wasn’t true. just because you think a generalization made (most likely by a man) about a whole group of people is true that doesn’t make it true. Weird you don’t believe an actual woman telling you that women don’t do what you state “every” woman does

[RuthlessAggression]

That's cause women lie, and so do men

[Asker]

Then wouldn’t it be possible that maybe just maybe the person that told you somehow every women plays mind games was lying🤷‍♀️

[RuthlessAggression]

Then how do I know you're telling the truth

[Dontaaaa]

You're shooting yourself in the foot, no guy in thier right mind is going to wanna be with a girl who shows disinterest.

[Asker]

I mean once we’re dating or I know he likes me I’ll be a really sweet supportive girlfriend but before that I feels impossible to act that freely when they’re such a high chance he doesn’t even like me

[Dontaaaa]

Well, you'll get your answer either way.

If a guy likes you, he likes you.

If he doesn't, acting disinterested isn't going to change that.

What I'm trying to say is acting disinterested isn't going to change how a guy feels about you, I say this from my own experience as well.

If I like a girl, I like them.

If I don't like them, acting disinterested just makes it easier to forget about them.

You might as well act genuine from the start.

[Asker]

If I act genuine from the start I’ll get insulted no use in started off getting myself hurt. Not even sure what genuine is with a guy since I don’t flirt in the first place

[Asker]

never mind I’m the problem rn I always feel powerless and mindfucked even when that’s not the intent so I should probably work on my issues with men before I try to have meaningful connection with them. Thank you anyways

[Dontaaaa]

I was about to say more, but you're right. It's best to work on your insecurities first before seeking a meaningful connection. I'm glad to see you're aware of that, I feel like one day you'll get over those issues and you'll eventually find someone that you can confide in.

Just stay strong, you got this and you're welcome.

[dustybiker]

Don‘t play games till you know each other and it’s welcomed from time to time.

[spartan55]

I can't think of a worse way to handle guys. I wouldn't bother at all.

[FilmGuy93]

Eh... there's nothing wrong with being authentic to who you really are, but acting disinterested is absolutely shooting yourself in the foot.

[cloud9vortex1234]

No, it's not going to get you anywhere. People on average are very busy these days and don't have time for that. You're turning away the good guys along with the bad.

[RationalMale]

No. Guys are trained by society and experience to pursue girls who are interested in them, not the disinterested ones.

[zagor]

If a woman acts disinterested I generally assume she is not interested - not a big leap there.

Especially with the #MeToo thing.

[Ironic_Method]

I hate it when people do this. I don't like when people attempt to play games.

[Marianna546]

I think guys dont like mind games just like women don't like ghosting or mind games from men

[Adronicus]

Won't with me. I've never asked a woman out who can't make eye contact + smile.

[goodgirlsteven]

NO, BIG NO. if you like a guy go after him, show him your interested. be slight about it but definitely show interest