Guys, why do you act interested one moment, then uninterested the next?

[Anonymous]

So I've kinda had this crush on this guy at my school for over a year now. We've been friends since last year. Last year he would kinda flirt with me (grab my waist, call me pet names etc.) He was really sweet/ nice to me last year, and would always go out of his way to do things for me (help with hw..lend me lunch $..etc). But this year he's been kinda distant. We don't talk as much. Occasionally we will flirt with each other..but it stops there. And we don't text each other that much anymore (we did a lot last year). He has started to crack jokes at me : tries to trip me, says mean things, he even called me ugly...But what I don't get is the sudden 180 he did from last yr. It's like his a different person. Recently he has been joking around with me like last year, saying he loves me...and stuff..but I don't pay mind to it. How can you love someone, yet treat them bad? Guys, why do you act like this to girls...act interested one moment..then uninterested the next? did he ever really like me...or was he just being friendly. I'm so confused

[hithere3387]

that's a tough read. I would classify this one of two ways. 1) he was into you last year, but he was frustrated that things didn't move forward. so, he's trying a different approach. to be less of a nice guy, more of a challenge. 2) he was never into you as anything other than a friend, but when he realized he was sending you signals that suggested otherwise, he decided to change his behavior toward you to make his intentions more obvious.

if you want to move the relationship toward something more romantic, ask him to a low pressure date. something like coffee, where you can be alone with him and get to know him a little better as an individual. it should become significantly clearer what his intentions are after that.

[Asker]

thanks for responding. I see what you mean for way # 1...we did kinda end in a stalemate. And for way # 2, why would he flirt with me, if he only had intentions to be my friend. He confuses me. I don't know if I want to move the relationship further because I'm not sure if he even likes me like that.

[InAmberClad117]

I'm not sure.. That does suck, but I know over time, things will slow down. =J I had a different problem with my first girlfriend, but yeah.. Talk to him about it, but keep trying. Unless it gets really bad, then get out. He did care for you. I know he did, but I don't know if he's grown distant, or just used to it. =J

[Asker]

Thanks for replying. But I feel like we have definitely grown distant. We have communicated at all this summer. What should I do...what am I not doing correctly? :(

[InAmberClad117]

It almost always isn't you. He just is growing complacent. =/ I don't know what to tell you..

[ChelseaBSB]

He's playing mind games with you. Deep down he likes you but he's just afraid to admit it just yet. Would he flirt with you in front of his friends last year or get you alone to do it? Sometimes they just want to act cool in front of their friends so they tease you a bit. It reminds me of Grease how Danny was an angel at the beach and then a thug at school with his friends. Guys' minds are like the stockmarket. One day they're up and soaring high, while other days they can be as low as Simon Cowell when he was on American Idol. You just have to know when they mean what they say.

[Asker]

We would flirt in the class room. But when its just him and I alone, we are great. He's nice, and we tend to have a good conversation, and joke around.

[ketfoen]

Chelsea nailed it on the head. You must have watched Grease more then 3.5 times :P

Thumbs up from me

[ChelseaBSB]

Yep, that sounds just like Grease! He likes you, he just doesn't want to look bad in front of his guys. Just let the teasing fall in the back of your mind and just know that he cares about you. Guys have a very interesting way of expressing themselves.

[ChelseaBSB]

Yeah, I've seen Grease more times than I can count and I even like the second one with Michelle Phifer too. I can't stop singing those songs. You gotta admit they do have pretty good plot lines.

[Asker]

Really? Because I get the feeling that he doesn't like me. I mean I never told him that I liked him..or vice versa.. We can see each other in the hall way..or w/e and not say a single word to each other.

[Anonymous]

Guys that treat you right, then wrong, then right again are going through their own issues, and they don't really care how others feel. He sounds inconsiderate and playful. Yes, he might like you; I wouldn't say love, but he seems really immature.

[bleepbloop]

this is just showing you his true colors. he wasn't worth it so thank god you didn't get into anything serious with him before. move on

[Weiii]

prolly he learned that being the "nice guy" isn't always good. that's why I went 180 to most girls I know :X funny because... well I hate to say it.. but it works...