Why do some guys act interested one day and distant the next?

[Anonymous]

[ManFrom1982]

... You could mean so many things by this, so without your specific context, here's one scenario I've run into with women:

I've heard this complaint about men from women who've just started a new relationship. Usually it's some form of "I know he said he's busy, but it's like he dropped off the face of the Earth." or "We were texting all weekend and all of a sudden it's like I've got two texts from him all day." The short explanation for this is that most men simply don't need as much contact to feel connected to a woman as most women need. It will generally take them longer to get that worry that "it's been a while since I heard from her". And when I say longer, I mean days rather than hours.

This can also apply to guys that are trying to start something up with a girl. Sometimes work/daily distractions simply take up all of a man's focus. Men tend to compartmentalize and view relationships as a category of work and try to manage it the same way, breaking it down into tasks and scheduling out time to work on those tasks, like conversations. We're much less likely to view relationship work through the prisim of a constant undercurrent to everything we do. I think a lot of male/female miscommunication comes down to some form of this difference in mindset. "Well of course I didn't think to call you. I was out with the guys/at work/at lunch with my dad. I was focusing on that. I called you when I got home in the evening, what's the issue?" This doesn't read as disinterest to a guy because from his perspective he's carved out specific time to make effort to focus on the girl. Meanwhile the girl it's feeling like he hasn't thought about her all day, meanwhile he's entered her thoughts multiple times while she's doing other things. Men tend to find highly focused, quality moments and experiences more meaningful and valuable, and the constant thoughts a tedious distraction. Here's another illustration. How many times have you asked a guy how his day was and gotten a three word answer: "It was fine." The translation for this from the male mind is "Well there was a lot to it and none of it was eventful enough to be funny or charming in any way, so none of it serves the current purpose of obtaining your good opinion about me. Furthermore, it was long and complicated and will be tangent that had nothing to do with you and me, which is what I'm focused on right now... So I have nothing to report, and am ready to return to focusing to the purpose at hand: Us."

[natural_hippie]

I wish I could do more then thumbs up this post.

[ManFrom1982]

Lol, thanks! Of course the trick is that a man and a woman have to meet in the middle on this and negotiate some level of contact that's both focused enough at times for him and often enough for her that they can both live with each other's efforts. But step one is understanding (or attempting to understand) how you both tend to see it differently!

[mysticghost]

That is not a simple question. In some cases, they are seeing how you react to less attention. In other cases, the previous day's attention didn't get the reaction they wanted and they are evaluating the situation. Sometimes, if you see them as less interested, they are the type that don't need or want company and your not as compatible when it comes to a relationship. A good relationship is when you both enjoy being around each other and understanding and accepting the frequency of his desire for time for himself. If it bothers you, it definitely won't work out. If it doesn't, you need to pay close attention to when it happens. If it's after sex, the physical chemistry is good, but that's all. You might need to move on.

[LifeIsStrange13]

I think there's a different reason for each guy depending on the type of guy it is.
This one guy was texting a girl he was interested in whilst sat next to me, she replied and he said I'll reply to that tomorrow. He liked playing that game, the one where it drives a girl crazy because she's sat there waiting by her phone for a reply. You can't help but keep that guy on your mind constantly then.

Second reason is that he's very introverted and shy naturally therefore he isn't the type of guy to make the first move or participate in the chase.

Third is that he leads a very hectic and busy lifestyle and may have time to spare on one day but that could suddenly change the next.

Finally, he lost interest, either he realised that you aren't compatible or he's seeing someone else. Could have been speaking to them before or met someone new.

My advice is not to give too many chances. If a guys interested he'll make it clear because he wouldn't want to risk you going off with someone else.
And be direct, if it's really bothering you, just ask him.

[amy90]

Why don't you ask the guy himself... he is probably not serious about you though he likes you and is interested in you... maybe he gets bored of you soon

[cseasterling]

I would have to say that if it feels he has grown cold it is because:
A) He's got other interests
B) Changed his mind once getting to know you
C) Possibly shy or poor communicater. Remember men are a lot less verbal
D) You were a rebound and he still has feelings for an ex or has had terrible relationships in the past and has built a wall
E) Dudes busy. Chill. Set up a date not just a continuous text conversation that goes nowhere. My rule of thumb is give 3 opportunities within a week time frame if he declined and you know his reasons are BS just back off and chalk it up as a loss
E) You had sex too early or too late in the relationship. Both can be a major turn off. Don't play nun if you're serious but don't put yourself in a side thirsty side ho category

[theskyisbluue]

I was like this. For this reason, I dedicated myself to stay away from women unless I know I can stay commited. It truly was as you described in the question; I was interested, then no longer wanted to pursue the relationship or even communication when I got it. I believe sometimes it's too much, and I just want to return to my normal lifestyle which was, chilling, rather than feeling obligated to continue a conversation for the sake of a relationship. Hope this helped a bit, although I'm aware that I didn't particularly answer your question. There is no singular answer to this. Different guys have different reasonings, I'm sure this changes with men much older and more mature or experienced than I am.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Because it's a feeling and feelings are not always the same. Like sometimes I'm all about jerking off too bootylicious chicks in gangster rap videos, but at other times I just feel like beer and some video games... with some classical music playing softly in the background.

[Stockton]

Because if they are the nice guy, the guy who calls when he says he will, the guy who actually gives a crap about you (I mean women not you personally) you will either put him in the friend zone or end up leaving him for the bad boy. I don't get it but it's proven again and again

[Don_Law]

Did you give ANY indication that the interest was mutual or tht you'd be open the the idea of talking with them (if not the thts why if he's distant the next day then its your turn to show interest in him just simply smiling & saying hey or making physical contact is enough) tht way he knws for sure he's not just bothering you or wasting time & effort on someone thats not interested in him

[Chaz269]

Could be a variety of reasons. You'll have to ask him. In the end, it doesn't matter anyway. You have to come to terms with the fact that his time is his, not yours. You don't get to monopolize it, or dictate to him how he spends it or with whom.
If you enjoy his company, be grateful for what you get. Maybe give him some motivation to spend more time with you. If this is burdensome for you, then stay away from him.

[lumos]

Well, in my past experience, guys who did that to me were either unsure of their feelings or just playing with me. So be careful. Turbulence is pretty much never a good sign.

[toby7116]

in my opinion i think people do this because they like someone but then dont wanna seem too eager and make that person think they are too into them... today the playing cool and hard to get it a thing so

[xxholicxx]

Totally on point! I've done this myself.

[RockStarBob]

It's just something in our nature. It's not about you, but sometimes we just crawl deep into our caves to either hibernate or ruminate. But please don't think of following your man into that cold dark place... there's a dragon lurking nearby, guarding our solitude. And he WILL smoke you if you venture too close.

[SoundProtocol]

The Cringe.

[charlotte5]

That means he isn't interested
he can act like being interested if he wants something from you , either its sex , attention or something else
He doesn't treat you seriously
Bc in the end of the day, consistency is the most important.

[Celq532]

Some guys are shy and that they one day may have the confidence to come over and chat to you, and the next day they don't have that confidence anymore. (Things can happen outside of your view which affects his confidence.)

[Xvxcxx]

Wow that's spot on! Is this more likely when the girl in question is very attractive and gets a lot of male attention?

[Celq532]

Yes. Because we know you're comparing guys to each other.
Also lack of confidence will make one questions everything about themselves, and home in on the negative. Human nature stuff.

[Xvxcxx]

I've been experiencing this for a few months with this guy in my class and I'm just so confused by his behaviour. I don't know what's up with him.

[Celq532]

If you like him then go and initiate talk yourself. Best way to know if he's into you or not. If you don't like him. Just ignore him when he's not trying to chat you up.

[devilman666]

That they have things that are more important than you? Why do you think some guy who has a crush on you would put all his energy everyday into chasing you?

[passinby]

Hormone-testosterone fluctuations and daily distractions.

[BethAnnFetermine]

That's hot

[Gedanox]

Are you interested?
Just question him, if he is good, if not you stop losing time.
Are you not interested?
Well, so what if he is like that tho?

Also offtopic, women does it a lot aswell.

[Redf00q]

The forever questions, we as man are very prone towards stuff that get our financials stable and interest, we all want a wife but like half measure time.

[seasawman]

Well when a guy is interested in you he is wanting you to give him all the attention and he must have it or he feels like he failed therefore won't show much more interest so as to protect his image to others. Just keep in mind that you may seem the same way to him as he is to

[depeche2015]

that's exactly what i'm going through right now. i feel it's because they talk to other people and when the other girl isn't available they come back to you. but who knows maybe it's something else.

[Tedster420]

Like women we can be up and down too. Sometimes the so called emotional flatline can affect men too. Sorta like being moody but not. One day we are with the program and the next day we can't turn the engine over.

[GentleGiant78]

Sometimes we just have things on our minds. It doesn't mean we still aren't interested. Often women over anylize our silence when sometimes we're just thinking about what needs fixed on the car or the house or whatever.

[NotKingSlade]

They probably heard something about the girl they we're into. I've done something like that but we we're into each other until I found out something she did when before I was gonna take her out... It wasn't worth being with her if she couldn't even keep herself under control.