Why do some guys act interested one day and distant the next?

Question

ManFrom1982 · Accepted Answer

... You could mean so many things by this, so without your specific context, here's one scenario I've run into with women:

I've heard this complaint about men from women who've just started a new relationship. Usually it's some form of "I know he said he's busy, but it's like he dropped off the face of the Earth." or "We were texting all weekend and all of a sudden it's like I've got two texts from him all day." The short explanation for this is that most men simply don't need as much contact to feel connected to a woman as most women need. It will generally take them longer to get that worry that "it's been a while since I heard from her". And when I say longer, I mean days rather than hours.

This can also apply to guys that are trying to start something up with a girl. Sometimes work/daily distractions simply take up all of a man's focus. Men tend to compartmentalize and view relationships as a category of work and try to manage it the same way, breaking it down into tasks and scheduling out time to work on those tasks, like conversations. We're much less likely to view relationship work through the prisim of a constant undercurrent to everything we do. I think a lot of male/female miscommunication comes down to some form of this difference in mindset. "Well of course I didn't think to call you. I was out with the guys/at work/at lunch with my dad. I was focusing on that. I called you when I got home in the evening, what's the issue?" This doesn't read as disinterest to a guy because from his perspective he's carved out specific time to make effort to focus on the girl. Meanwhile the girl it's feeling like he hasn't thought about her all day, meanwhile he's entered her thoughts multiple times while she's doing other things. Men tend to find highly focused, quality moments and experiences more meaningful and valuable, and the constant thoughts a tedious distraction. Here's another illustration. How many times have you asked a guy how his day was and gotten a three word answer: "It was fine." The translation for this from the male mind is "Well there was a lot to it and none of it was eventful enough to be funny or charming in any way, so none of it serves the current purpose of obtaining your good opinion about me. Furthermore, it was long and complicated and will be tangent that had nothing to do with you and me, which is what I'm focused on right now... So I have nothing to report, and am ready to return to focusing to the purpose at hand: Us."

mysticghost · Accepted Answer

That is not a simple question. In some cases, they are seeing how you react to less attention. In other cases, the previous day's attention didn't get the reaction they wanted and they are evaluating the situation. Sometimes, if you see them as less interested, they are the type that don't need or want company and your not as compatible when it comes to a relationship. A good relationship is when you both enjoy being around each other and understanding and accepting the frequency of his desire for time for himself. If it bothers you, it definitely won't work out. If it doesn't, you need to pay close attention to when it happens. If it's after sex, the physical chemistry is good, but that's all. You might need to move on.

LifeIsStrange13 · Accepted Answer

I think there's a different reason for each guy depending on the type of guy it is.
This one guy was texting a girl he was interested in whilst sat next to me, she replied and he said I'll reply to that tomorrow. He liked playing that game, the one where it drives a girl crazy because she's sat there waiting by her phone for a reply. You can't help but keep that guy on your mind constantly then.

Second reason is that he's very introverted and shy naturally therefore he isn't the type of guy to make the first move or participate in the chase.

Third is that he leads a very hectic and busy lifestyle and may have time to spare on one day but that could suddenly change the next.

Finally, he lost interest, either he realised that you aren't compatible or he's seeing someone else. Could have been speaking to them before or met someone new.

My advice is not to give too many chances. If a guys interested he'll make it clear because he wouldn't want to risk you going off with someone else.
And be direct, if it's really bothering you, just ask him.

amy90 · Accepted Answer

Why don't you ask the guy himself... he is probably not serious about you though he likes you and is interested in you... maybe he gets bored of you soon

cseasterling · Answer

I would have to say that if it feels he has grown cold it is because:
A) He's got other interests
B) Changed his mind once getting to know you
C) Possibly shy or poor communicater. Remember men are a lot less verbal
D) You were a rebound and he still has feelings for an ex or has had terrible relationships in the past and has built a wall
E) Dudes busy. Chill. Set up a date not just a continuous text conversation that goes nowhere. My rule of thumb is give 3 opportunities within a week time frame if he declined and you know his reasons are BS just back off and chalk it up as a loss
E) You had sex too early or too late in the relationship. Both can be a major turn off. Don't play nun if you're serious but don't put yourself in a side thirsty side ho category

theskyisbluue · Answer

I was like this. For this reason, I dedicated myself to stay away from women unless I know I can stay commited. It truly was as you described in the question; I was interested, then no longer wanted to pursue the relationship or even communication when I got it. I believe sometimes it's too much, and I just want to return to my normal lifestyle which was, chilling, rather than feeling obligated to continue a conversation for the sake of a relationship. Hope this helped a bit, although I'm aware that I didn't particularly answer your question. There is no singular answer to this. Different guys have different reasonings, I'm sure this changes with men much older and more mature or experienced than I am.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Because it's a feeling and feelings are not always the same. Like sometimes I'm all about jerking off too bootylicious chicks in gangster rap videos, but at other times I just feel like beer and some video games... with some classical music playing softly in the background.

Stockton · Answer

Because if they are the nice guy, the guy who calls when he says he will, the guy who actually gives a crap about you (I mean women not you personally) you will either put him in the friend zone or end up leaving him for the bad boy. I don't get it but it's proven again and again

Don_Law · Answer

Did you give ANY indication that the interest was mutual or tht you'd be open the the idea of talking with them (if not the thts why if he's distant the next day then its your turn to show interest in him just simply smiling & saying hey or making physical contact is enough) tht way he knws for sure he's not just bothering you or wasting time & effort on someone thats not interested in him

Chaz269 · Answer

Could be a variety of reasons. You'll have to ask him. In the end, it doesn't matter anyway. You have to come to terms with the fact that his time is his, not yours. You don't get to monopolize it, or dictate to him how he spends it or with whom.
If you enjoy his company, be grateful for what you get. Maybe give him some motivation to spend more time with you. If this is burdensome for you, then stay away from him.

lumos · Answer

Well, in my past experience, guys who did that to me were either unsure of their feelings or just playing with me. So be careful. Turbulence is pretty much never a good sign.

toby7116 · Answer

in my opinion i think people do this because they like someone but then dont wanna seem too eager and make that person think they are too into them... today the playing cool and hard to get it a thing so

RockStarBob · Answer

It's just something in our nature. It's not about you, but sometimes we just crawl deep into our caves to either hibernate or ruminate. But please don't think of following your man into that cold dark place... there's a dragon lurking nearby, guarding our solitude. And he WILL smoke you if you venture too close.

charlotte5 · Answer

That means he isn't interested
he can act like being interested if he wants something from you , either its sex , attention or something else
He doesn't treat you seriously
Bc in the end of the day, consistency is the most important.

Celq532 · Answer

Some guys are shy and that they one day may have the confidence to come over and chat to you, and the next day they don't have that confidence anymore. (Things can happen outside of your view which affects his confidence.)

devilman666 · Answer

That they have things that are more important than you? Why do you think some guy who has a crush on you would put all his energy everyday into chasing you?

passinby · Answer

Hormone-testosterone fluctuations and daily distractions.

CandacePerry · Answer

They are asshole only wanted attention. always to send out mixed signal. Always blame the other partner for their mistake. Girls do it too.

Gedanox · Answer

Are you interested? Just question him, if he is good, if not you stop losing time. Are you not interested? Well, so what if he is like that tho? Also offtopic, women does it a lot aswell.

Redf00q · Answer

The forever questions, we as man are very prone towards stuff that get our financials stable and interest, we all want a wife but like half measure time.

seasawman · Answer

Well when a guy is interested in you he is wanting you to give him all the attention and he must have it or he feels like he failed therefore won't show much more interest so as to protect his image to others. Just keep in mind that you may seem the same way to him as he is to

depeche2015 · Answer

that's exactly what i'm going through right now. i feel it's because they talk to other people and when the other girl isn't available they come back to you. but who knows maybe it's something else.

Tedster420 · Answer

Like women we can be up and down too. Sometimes the so called emotional flatline can affect men too. Sorta like being moody but not. One day we are with the program and the next day we can't turn the engine over.

GentleGiant78 · Answer

Sometimes we just have things on our minds. It doesn't mean we still aren't interested. Often women over anylize our silence when sometimes we're just thinking about what needs fixed on the car or the house or whatever.

NotKingSlade · Answer

They probably heard something about the girl they we're into. I've done something like that but we we're into each other until I found out something she did when before I was gonna take her out... It wasn't worth being with her if she couldn't even keep herself under control.

dopemean · Answer

It's honestly probably nothing. Most of the time guys don't realize that girls think they're acting differently. If he continues to be distant, then it's an issue. If it's just random... he could be thinking the same thing as you or he could just be busy.

Sociopathvictim · Answer

because you're doing something wrong and he's losing interest. Relationships work both ways, you can't control him. If a girl keeps acting like the guy should be at her mercy, forget it.

sleepycabin · Answer

Just ask, guys love it when women are direct because they don't have to keep guessing how you feel.

Logorithim · Answer

Don't know what they want, they're getting mixed Messages, busy with other Things, or met another Woman.

victorvolf · Answer

Usually happens when guys are unsure of themselves. Can also be because you misinterpret signals.

WickedPB · Answer

Isn't that loosing interest. We were interested but after talking we lost interest for some guys like me, even if your pretty but what you talk about or the way you speak can change guys perspective on you and no longer have interest.

ThisAndThat · Answer

There's many reasons. Slow response to the guy's interest. Guy finds another girl. Guy decides she's not the right girl. Guy wasn't serious, and so on.

William-Davidson-Jr · Answer

We're always interested, it just seems that we're distant because we either got shit on our mind or we just be interested in watching, a movie, TV show, game, or something that we were or are doing.

IntuitiveMuffin · Answer

They're just playing hard to get. Annoying isn't it.

naitsirhc · Answer

I would say based on how the girl responded depends on how he acts. A guy doesn't want to push things too fast because he may not be sure if you're interested and maybe he wants to see if you approach and talk to him

Kds25 · Answer

I can say the same for girls it seems to go both ways.

Mayday40 · Answer

Probably the same way girls act like this towards guys regarding interest. If he/she shows interest in someone but that person doesn't notice or even respond, then of course he/she will go distant.

wannaplaytoy · Answer

well if a guy is interested in you he acts that way if you dont act interested he will move on  why would you expect him to keep going if you dont show that you are as well

Geldour · Answer

Most likely you misinterpreted them when they acted interested. Had it happen to me before where I was apparently interested in someone yet I didn't even know her besides general chat

Prof_Don · Answer

The girl may not be responding quickly enough to keep his interest

marilynmansonssextoy · Answer

They're called assholes, sweetie. xx ~ Mrs Manson

pooper89 · Answer

When they do that they’re usually talking to multiple women

jasoncrockett_16 · Answer

We are trying to get your attention. After a while of not getting it we stop trying. When we become distant we think about thinks that we should have done differently and why nothing we did worked to get your attention

winterfox10 · Answer

Worried about coming across desperate or too eager.

JustCallMeLeon · Answer

Somethings changed. Most likely you're not the top priority girl anymore. They found something easier.

ryryryan · Answer

Because I've been with another woman spending time with her would be the #1 reason I would do something like that 😂✌️

TheFlak38 · Answer

Because they know they won't get anywhere with you because all you want from them is attention and make them your beta male orbiter.

JimmyMFCrain · Answer

Cause they like you but sometimes we know we will hurt you so we know we shouldn't and we make ourselves stay away but eventually we come back cause we can't just not like the girl we like

zhanetheguy · Answer

Becuase sometimes girls dont show intrest and act the same or distant them selves or the guy just thought it wpuld just be a disapointment waiting to happen

Anonymous · Answer

It's not an act. Sometimes I'm interested but she does something to fuck me off... then I withdraw.

LongShlongSilvr · Answer

Because you were in the spank bank and then they made a withdrawal late at night and now you're not.

LadyJade007 · Answer

Becuz they’re messing up with ur feelings by playing hot and cold

AllThatSweetJazz · Answer

I feel like that a pretty broad question. You'd be better off asking about more specific situations.

Jaded214 · Answer

Because guys are wishy washy and moody as hell and if they you otherwise, they're clearly lying.

wadeabeee · Answer

They got other women or other things on their mind. Might not be ready for a relationship.

MrB21993 · Answer

Maybe you didn't give him what he wanted. Because you wasn't what he looking looking for

Subscribed · Answer

Keep away from those "some guys" 😊 they just want your assets or they just miss their mommy's and treat women badly

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're misreading the signs. Has nothing to do with the guy if that happens.

kewlguy007 · Answer

Mood swings, unhealthy conditions, and many other things, don't get it to your head

Wifflesnoofer63 · Answer

Our interest in you is directly related to how long it's been since we've drained our balls

Iron_Man · Answer

You're probably dating young men that are wishy-washy

McKellar · Answer

Men go through the same B. S. issue with women as well on this.

WhoDatGuy · Answer

Because if we were interested all the time you'd be bored and lose interest

Tohhhru · Answer

They probably were only interested in the moment, then lost it later

Why do some guys act interested one day and distant the next?

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Why do guys act interested and then stop the next day?

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Why do guys act interested and then stop the next day?

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