Should I ghost him back?

Question

I met this guy on insta about three months ago (he sent me a request), at first we were DMing on a daily basis and he was mostly the one to initiate the conversation, we got really friendly and learned a lot about each other, he was hinting to get into intimate topics but I would always stop him from going further (he sent me a couple of shirtless pics), so we kept only talking about work and casual stuff. Weeks later, his conversations seem to go dryer and dryer till he ghosted me for almost a month then he DMed me again, then ghosted me again, then out of boredom I DMed him asking about him, he replied right away and the conversation lasted for hours, we went really deeper and we got into intimate topics till we started sexting. At the end he seemed to really enjoy it (he even sent me nudes and dic pics) but I made it clear to him that I only did it for his own amusement and not for mine, he kept talking normal to me but this time he kept calling me cutie, my good girl, dear, baby.. although we never confessed our emotions to one another. The next day he initiated the conversation and it quickly went dry. The day after I initiated it but it went dry also. Now he's ghosting again. I want to move on but after we talked casually I liked him and started feeling some type of way for him that I'm not sure what it is (other than sexual attraction). I want him to know that I like him but at this rate of him ghosting me I don't think that he likes me back. We live in the same city. We never talked about our emotions, only sexual stuff and only for fun. I told him not to meet me in real life to avoid being in a sexual relationship because I'd rather be in a serious one, so I took it as he only wanted to get in my pants. But when I read our previous conversations I could sense that he feels something towards me too. Is there a trick that I can DM to test whether if he wants me only sexually or more? Or should I ghost him too and move one (which is hard for me to do)?

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

Tricking or testing someone could always end up backfiring on you. I would seriously suggest against it at all costs. Personally, I think he is ghosting you because the conversations go dry and neither of you have anything to talk about. Do you make any effort to keep the conversation lively? Does he do so? It is normal for text conversations to go dry, but this pattern that both of you keep repeating is only going to end in heartache and unnecessary confusion.

Do you see him as a potential romantic partner? Besides, doing sexual stuff, have you guys had any deeper conversation that does not involve sex? You said you never talked about your emotions... if you are just using each other for sexual gratification, why would you want to "test" him?

What did he reply when you told him that you would rather not meet with him because you are looking for a serious relationship?

I have had experience with guys like him that ghost when the conversations go dry. One said he was too depressed to talk about anything and ghosted me for 2-3 weeks before he would have a deep conversation with me and continued the cycle, which caused me to lose interest in him. However, I noticed that he did not ghost me when I made efforts to keep our conversation lively. I sent him amusing stuff, like the arguments I'd gotten into on GaG and that seemed to do the trick.

You could try turning the conversation livelier to see if he ghosts you again. Don't do anything sexual but keep the conversation alive. I would suggest voice calls. Some guys are just terrible texters and dry conversationalists when it comes to texting. Some people just do better face to face or by calling.

If he does not repeat it again, you could try asking him if he has any feelings for you. just be direct. Most decent guys hate playing mind games. If he is a decent one, then maybe you could consider meeting up with him to see where it goes.